Ci0 - Sunday, April 4, 1982 - North Shore News QUESTION: My husband and I have been married for over four years. Our relationship is very good and we love each other very much. The problem is our sex, life. It has really dwindled since it started. When I say dwindled, I mean that once a month is not uncommon. I am sure that there is no other woman. We still spend all QUESTION: I work in a rather small office where my boss and his associate have offices of their own just off my office, which is a kind of. reception area for customers. I do my typing there etc. For hours I am alone while they are doing their thing im thelr own offices. I like to have music going while I work and | want to play my radio softly. our time together. | have approached the subject with him several times. He agrees it is a problem and says we'll just have to improve it, but nothing ever happens. We_ have even discussed going to a counsellor but we both feel ie*is too personal to talk about with a third person. This has been getting worse since our second year together. Do you think this is What can you do with a music-hating boss? But my boss does not like the music and says it distracts him. Do you think that is fair? I never play it loud. STEWART: Apparently you play it loudly enough to dis- tract your boss. It may seem unfair to you, but he is the boss and in all liklihood feels that he could replace you with someone who does not OIL USERS YOU HAVE JUST EXPERIENCED a problem or is once a month normal after four years of marriage? STEWART: A good starting point for you is in both of you agreeing together not to be overly concerned about what is “normal.” One person's normal, is another's frigidity, or another's un- bridied hunger. Your letter tells us that ask hayden stewart Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. a want music played. So - get on your thinking cap and see what you want. If you want your job, why not get hold of one of those radios that has things that go over your head and into your ears? You've seen them'o ggers etc. Your boss will not hear your music, but you will still be able to hear the ‘phone, and everyone will be: happy. I hope. each of you is not content with the way things are. It does not really matter which one of you “agrees it is a problem” and says “we'll just have to impreve it.” The point of your letter is that two intelligent grown-ups who love each other are feel- ing unfulfilled in a_ very important area of their relatedness. My suggestion is that you Don't QUESTION: Why do I say cruel things to people? Why am I sarcastic? I don't like being that way. But that's the way I am. Why am I like that? STEWART: Because you have convinced yourself that you get something out of it explore the joys of develop- ing your abilities in expres- sing, and receiving any and all of your manifestations of the love you share, not just the sexual manifestations of your love. It is very reward- ing to enhance your skills in receiving the other fellow as beautiful exactly where he is, at the same time as you are concentrating on BEING the change you want to see that you want or need. There is some advantage to you, you think, in following that procedure. What do you get out of it? Or what do you hope you will get out of it? Think it out carefully. Apparently you have gone far enough in this direction to be dissatisfied with the Gold's Fabrics Wife not happy with sparse sex life happen. It makes sense to keep open to the possibility that there could be a medical or physical reason for your unfulfilment. Why not confer with your doctor to get that remote possibility settled in your minds? If you are given a green light physi- cally, your doctor may suggest you have coun- selling .It could De rewarding. be cruel results. It would make sense for you to leave off the unsatisfactory way and go for something more rewar- ding. There is another way to get what you have been hoping to get out of your sar- casm. Keep telling yourself, “There's a better way!” Be sure it is YOUR way, that you want to explore. Custom-made draperies we 25>, ofr 2. DECORATOR FABRICS in-store and special order fabrics 20%. OFF price DRAPERY HARDWARE entire stock Kirsch YOUR MOST EXPENSIVE WINTER EVER! And with natural gas prices increasing 65% in the past year, Conversion to gas - may not be economical. C.G.E. Heat Pump is now the most cost effective way to heat your home, and can save you more than 60% on your heating bill. Your savings can pay for your C GE. 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