C13 - Wednesday, October 28, 1981 - Nesth Shere News QUESTION: ie am’ frankly using your column in order - to seek ont assistance in a way that saves me. from seeking it in an emotionally , costly: way that I would rather avoid. 2 ---# am a fully grown, rather highly .regarded~ successful business man who feels like a. complete idiot in writing you as I do,: But, as say, this isa less disagreeable averue to. travel than some of the alternatives I am a ayare of.~ “A sort of “awakening” - presented itself to me this . fall which let me see myself ‘more clearly than ever I have. brought my eyes open, was, above all things, a movie! It showed me (to myself) as a | person whose overriding drive has been to add to my stature and power, as a business man. It has been to’ make money, strengthen my “position” in the community sand to add to my clout and leverage in the business world. I have thought of all The medium which. Above all Ihave wanted.to be secure. enough to risk anything to make_me even more secure! The movie spoke to me clearly. It said, you're all wrong. There IS a better way for you. I have been rather dissatisfied and _westive lately, but I thought it was because I wanted to do even more of the same old thing. But I see now, I have ask hayden stewart Freetance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments for individual. family or group counselling. Try ‘want’ rather t QUESTION: Fve always had a leaning to making “lists.” I make lists for bills, for shopping, for goals, for Christmas gifts, for ‘things to do,’ for changes I want to make in my life, and, seeing I've gone this far, I might as well tell you I have a list of people I like the most and a: list of people I want to avoid. I see that the guy who wrote The Book of Lists has now brought out a second book of Lists. He must have the same tendency I have. The reason I am writing you about this is that the other The 20% day, in all seriousness, I sat down to make up a list of the lises I should have! All of a sudden it occurred to me that the list idea, which has always seemed a good idea to me, has become an ob- sessive thing with me. Does it seem to be obsessive in your opinion? And, ff so, what do you suggest I do about it? > STEWART: “Obsessive” seems a little strong to me. But then I don’t know how you really feel about it. You 20% off © Levelor 1”’ Venetian Blinds ¢ Vertical Blinds Woven Woods Shades draperies bastion Home Intenors have been established 14 years on the North Shore providing excellent service to its residents might do a little checking to see if the lists are serving you or if you are serving your lists. For example, if you have a list headed “Things I must do” and you find that on the list are a few things that have been listed for a long time and nothing done about them, then the list weighs heavily on you and is not serving you.. Throw it out or alter it. See what happens to your fists if you include the word WANT in all of them. Not “Things I must do”, but things I WANT to do. Afraid been less than content with my obsessive drive —for security and position. I want to base my life on a different grounding. All the insight I have so far is a certainty about what I DON’T want. I don’t want to continue in the drive for financial success and position. But I don't kuow what 1 DO want. Do you see my dilemma? I want to walk away from the old staff -- but that scares me. Which direction will I go? What is a_e sensible replacement for an ob- session with security? Can you give me a start? STEWART: You've already done that! You recognized and gave attention to your dissatisfaction, and _ that made you ripe for the movie. The next step you took was to LISTEN (to the movie) and hear the message that was being given you. The message helped you to pin- point your dissatisfaction. . Knowing what you do NOT want to be tied to is another all important step you have taken. You sow have a freedom you did not have, even if you do not see it as fgeedom just yet. You are free of your addiction to . financial success. What you call your power, your clout, your leverage, your position, your security have takéif on a sombre and negative colour, not because they in themselves are “bad”, but because of your addiction to them. It looks like you are freed from the addiction. So now -- what is next for you? Can you see that you would be better off not to ask me to respond to that an ‘must you'll leave off some im- portant items, like “pay the bills?” You won't after a while. Because you WANT to avoid difficulties over unpaid bills. You'll find you really WANT to pay them, even if you don't like doing it! I know a couple that has what they call WANT LISTS all over the place. They have one in the _ kitchen, bathroom, garage, bedroom and one by the ‘phone. If you learn to trust yourself enough to start WANT LISTS, you'll find the nature of things that ff Sale 20% off Re-Upholstery Most Custom Fabrics 5 yards or more 20% off Custom Drapery Fabrics & Bedspreads make their way onto the Hsts will change. PH give you no more hints. Just give it a go. you want it to be filled. We cluding human nature, dearly love to replace your addiction: ‘What sort of man do you choose to be? I would as possible But I can't bring myself to imposing an answer to your question, even though you have asked for it.. You'll know. Listen, im silence to COMPLETE BATHROOM SPECIAL“ PACKAGE #1 60 Sa ft ceramic wal tile (4°." x Se}. adhesive, 5 fb. White Grout, 1 tube Silicone Cautking, 1 Spray Silicone Sealer, 1 Shel Soap Dish (color or white). - ALL FOR THE UNBELIEVABLE PRICE OF 563° inca tox PACKAGE #2 6° x 6 Decoratwe Ceramic Watt Tite plus aff the above accessones Now only $B 2° oct tax? VISIT OUR NEW EXPANDED SHOWROOM 1318-1320 COMMERCIAL DOR., VAN. NMEAINE AND ERA MICS AO e ont e: Quality Workmanship — Energy Savers Free Estimates Insulate with Thenmasuede Drapery Lining Shop At Home Service Sale f-nds November 15th Fashion hore iITeCRAIORS Tue -Fri. 9:00-5:30 Sat. - 10:00- 5:00 CLOSED MONDAY 251-3644 | 261-1414 3050 Mountain Hwy., N.V. 988-1220 988-1525 [co