46 - Sunday, June 24, 1990 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Some people need lessons in the use of phone answering machines DEAR MISS MANNERS — I used to feel that having an answering machine was a courtesy, but now I’m not so sure. The company where I worked for more than three years lost its lease. I had a continuing long- distance dialogue with the owner about my employment, attending to customers from my home while he searched for a new location. This required many phone calls to headquarters, each call an oppor- tunity for him to talk to me in person. One day I emerged from the shower to play back a message in miss manners Judith Martin which he informed me that I was “let go’? and should start job hunting. This seemed to be his way of avoiding saying goodbye in a more personal way. I was very hurt. A much older man became in- fatuated with me — a situation I would never encourage. | told him that I felt it best for him to have no communicaticn al all with me, since he has misinterpreted our friendship. He left some very long, whiny, apologetic and pa- thetic messages on my machine that made me feel he was harass- ing me, I wonder if there are societies where not having an answering machine is considered rude. What about people who claim they didn't call you back because they didn’t get the message you left on their machine? Does leaving a message on someone’s machine obligate them to call you back? GENTLE READER — You are living in a society that considers it rude not to have an answering machine, but this assumption is unauthorized by Miss Manners. No one is personally (as oppos- ed to professionally) obliged to live ‘‘on call.’ Your messages should be treated as you would treat your mai! — ignore the nuisance messages and respond to legitimate ones. The whining of frustrated love is unfortunate in any form, but surely you see here how much your machine has pro- tected you. But the analogy with mail does not quite work in the other direc- tion. Writing you about the ter- mination of your job would have been more formal than a tele- phone call; leaving a message is less so (and therefore wrong). DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am a 36-year-old woman living with a man of a different race. My elderly parents do not enprove but have managed to cloak : their true feelings with a thin veneer of civility. Ed and I are to be married in a small civil ceremony and are look- ing forward to starting a family. f communicate regularly with my very elderly godparents who live out of state, and I have kept them pretty much in the dark, with the excuse that I didn't want to upset them. I am virtually cer- Harrison of the esttva Avts THE MOST COLOURFUL BEATS UNDER THE SUN JUNE 30 - JULY 8, E990 HARRISON HOT SPRINGS, B.C. + dast : hents cast ot Cameuer Hieties cee tee Ti SIGHS A SOL NDS OF SNE CONTR AL AMERICAN THEE VIII AN na fn Von Hn TS W Esplanade: Wweeue Carats SOM LR ‘ HARRISON # ta bad Ibareisente Moe Sy SUPER, WATURAL FESTIVALS NOTICE TO MOTORISTS WALL STREET DETOUR A 370m temporary detour is presently being constructed north of Wali Street at Bridgeway Street. This 4 lane detour will be in effect starting the weekend of June 30, 1996, for a one year duration. This detour will facilitate construction of structures at Bridgeway and associated roadworks for the Cassiar Connector Project. Your cooperation and understanding regarding this matter is appreciated ' SKEENA TUNNEL REOPENING The Skeena Tunnel will be reopencd to traffic on the weekend of June 23, 1990. George Dean, Construction Manager Fenzo Lavalin Corp. Project Managers for the Cassiar Connector Project SF] ry For further information, please call the Ministry of Transportation and Highways Road Report information System at 660-9775 Province of British Columbia Ministry of Transportation and Highways HONOURABLE RITA M. JOHNSTON, MINISTER tain that my parents haven't said anything to my other relatives. If I were suddenly to send an announcement of my marriage, they would all (rightly) wonder why they hadn't heard of Ed be- fore; but I don't feel a need to explain or justify myself. They will all be shocked and/or hor- tified by my choice of a husband, and, though I abhor their racial prejudices, I wish to be as tactful as possible. My idea for handling the prob- lem was to enclose a photo of us along with the wedding an- ouncement. ALCOHOL + DRUG GENTLE READER ~ Miss Manners approves of your ap- proach, in neither challenging your relatives nor explaining your decision, and would only like to make one small suggestion about your solution, A formal wedding announce- ment out of the blue is, as you say, startling to close relatives. Write them individual letters in- stead — without referring to your previous silence, because sug- gesting that an explanation would have upset them is insulting to them, as well as to your husband-to-be. « CO-DEPENDENCY PROBLEM? HN eos "EXPERIENCE INTENSIVE OUTPATIENT ENSIVE OUTPATIENT PROGRAM * Professional Substance Abuse Counsellors and Therapists * Strictly confidential Phone N. Shore 980-8499 Vancouver 731-7737 Surrey 589-7080 - aE SELF-ESTEEM & THE ART OF . BEING® An intensive workshop conducted by world renowned best selling author ‘Dr. Nathaniel Branden and Devers Branden . IN VANCOUVER _ Lecture Friday, July 13 /90 7 pm Sheraton Plaza 500 500 W. 12th Ave., Vancouver, B.C. $25.00 Workshop Saturday, July 14, 9 am - 6 pm Sunday, July 15,9 am-6 pm Sheraton Plaza 500 500 W. 12th Ave. Vancouver, B.C. $300.00 Cali to engl Skliien & Associates ani P.O, Box 24586-C e Vancouver, B.C. VST 4E1 (604) 589.6848 of satisfied customers. Consider the depth of professionalism you Fi over a decade Reynolds has created classic kitchens for thousands get by doing business with Reynolds Cabinet Shop. * Quality professional design staff * High industry standards for vour cabinet installation * Manufacturer of our own rabinets * Dealer of other local manufacturers * Our own Construction Division with competent trades people * A Network of established local businesses to assist us in all phases of the renovation industry. * * Above all we offer affordable quality * For a free in-home estimate Please call 985-9527 North Vancouver 1300 Lloyd Ave., Fax 985-1452 z 3 * PEMBERTON AVE.