Doug Collins @ get this straight @ | HAVE a dream. In this dream [ go to the Vancouver li- quor store in which Stan Persky smashed those bottles of South Africa wine, grab a big Russian vodka, hit it heartily with a hammer, and say ‘‘Arrest me!”’ Gray Eyes does not dike my dream. She says that only children and crazies have dreams like thai, and that [should grow up. If 1 did a thing like that, she says, she might resort to desperate measures. | might have to spend the rest of my life scoffing cab- bage and beans. I tell her she doesn't have the B.C. spirit. Don't ihe churches support African terror in’ the name of God? Well then, I’m en- titled to terrorize a bottle in defence of sanity. She sulks. 1 sulk. I know it's a crime to waste good booze. But why leave all the action to the lunatic Left? Don’t be silly, says Gray Eyes. You know the story. Persky staged his little act, smirked at the waiting TV cameras like the creep he is, and claimed he was doing it all for humanity. Then, when he - was finally hauled into court, he was given an absolute discharge. When that news broke I hit the ceiling, babbling with rage. , I say that if that Marxist wretch | wanted to be a martyr, the judge should have obliged him. Will my dream come true? Perhaps not. For in my dream the judge doesn’t give me an absolute discharge. He gives me an ab- solute rocket by sending me to prison for life. The kid glove treatment, my lawyer explains, is reserved for lunatics and commies, ek ok ot Variations on a theme: The impossible Holy Joe Clark (sometimes known as Dope Clark), has puffed himself up sike an angry frog and is shutting down the South African Tourist Bureau in Toronto because it dared to advertise its wares in the Globe & Mail. He has also cen- sured the Globe for running the ad. Holy Joe says that the South African Tourist Bureau and the Globe knew there was a ‘‘volun- tary ban"’ on advertising travel to South Africa, and that the Globe was ‘‘supporting apartheid’’ in doing what it did. What sort of gibberish is it that Joe is spouting? It can’t be English, because there can be no such thing as a voluntary ban. By definition, a ban is a ban, and there can be nothing voluntary about it. As I’ve told you before, though, there’s no point in look- ing to Baloney & Co. for anything that makes sense. In his arrogance, Clark is telling you where you may go and what you may do. He is also trying to deny you information, the ad hav- ing invited people to join a con- ducted tour and see for themselves what is going on in South Africa, Rightly, the publisher of the Globe states that this is a freedom of speech issue. This kind of crap makes me think that Persky and Co. are ac- tually running Baloney & Co. Anyway, if you want to join the tour in question, the South African Airways number in Van- zouver is 684- 0303. wk ko Investigative reporting is giving itself a bad name again. Recently | wrote about how the | CBC’s Rick Ouston got things wrong with his TV item on Pro- fessor Gary Botting. Ouston then wrote a letter to this newspaper in which he said how pleased he was that I have ac- cess to a VCR so that J can watch his stories over and over again. I do not have a VCR. Nor do 1 have access to one. Self-torture is not for me. So you’re wrong again, Rick. And good luck with the libel suit } that’s been slapped on you. xk & Allan Fotheringham, who scribbles for Maclean’s Magazine, has stolen my sobriquet for the premier -- ‘‘Vander Slam"’. Well, that isn’t the first time Dr. Foth has pinched stuff from his betters, | as readers of this column will know. NEWS photo Tom Burley OVERSEEING the troops is serious business for Les Corbett, who participated in a special exhibit at B.C. Rail Building on Esplanade this past weekend. The military miniatures depict famous battles from. years past. Safety Council gets WV grant THE NORTH Shore Safety Coun- cil will get a $500 grant from the District of West Vancouver to con- tinue its projects in the community. West Van Council reversed an earlier rejection and voted in favor of the grant Monday on Ald. Mark Sager’s motion. Safety Council president Stuart Lawson appeared before council to describe his group’s involvement in various safety programs, including ‘Elmer, the Safety Elephant’ for children in kindergarten and Grade I; cycle safety, an adult pedestrian program for senior citizens’ an at- titude seminar for high school drivers; and public education in malls. Doreen Blackman, a Safety Coun- cil volunteer, reminded council of the high costs of accidents in terms of pain, grief and hospitalization. Every month, over 500 accidents requiring hospitalization occur in North Shore homes. Ald. Alex Brokenshire was par- ticularly supportive of West Van's grant, having been involved with safety councils for a number of years. He was joined by Ald, Gordon Rownree, who is a representative on the board of Lions Gate Hospital. 9 - Wednesday, September 10, 1986 - North Shore News Program tackles illiteracy ACCORDING TO dians are illitesate. North Shore Couinuing Educa- recent stutisies. over one million Cana- Continuing North and working literacy. Education, serving West Vancouver, locally to combat tion is working to draw attention to this problem by urging local res- idents to watch a series of broad- casts being held throughout this month dealing with iliteraey. The next special is Sept. 17, a PBS documentary, at § p.m. Continuing Education runs Pro- Ject’ SecondStart and the Adult Learning Centre, and needing help in these areas is en- couraged to contact the organiza- tton at 985-8741 of 987-8741. i ih The generation of the 80’s, at the North Shore's Club... the North Shore Winter Club. 28 years of continuous member service and participation. Athietics, sports, socials and fun designed for everyone, all in one location! Children and parents: “You've grown up, you're past the “rne” generation. Our new “We Generation Membership” is great for the 2_ Of you, and now’ aii oF you.’ Substantial savings for former me generation couples and families. Teams and Leagues now forming in all sports. Call 985-4135 “We Generation Membership” A dub for all seasons, all reasons, for many seasons to come. Sale Ends Sunday! e Phone orders gladly accepted ¢ * Layaway plan available « Downtown 569 Seymour 669-6333 266-3637 932-1975 Oakridge Centre Whistler Village anyone