NEWS photo Cindy Goodman BEFORE long, the beaches wiil empty and the classrooms will fill as students across the North Shore head back to school. Columnist Graham Hockey offers parents a little advice to heip kids prepare for the new school year. liddle age: time to NO more lingering over laundry, socializ- ing at the doggie park, or basking in the bliss of cleaning out the bird’s cage. Gone are the days of turning a one-hour fitness class into an entire morn- ing’s counselling session, (over lattes of course), giv- ing my cats a nice, relaxing flea combing on the front porch, or doing my kids’ homework. I've got to get a job. A real job, where I get up in the morning, put on real clothes (as opposed to my swears), go to a place where I work regular hours with re News - 15 . Food .. Home & Garde Parenting ..... Table Hopping . cture time Self discipline is your ticket SCHOOL, for most soreenenees students, is just a week away. It is a time of high anxi- ety and high anticipation. New clothes, new books, new pens, new promises; it’s an annual ritual of families visiting the back-to-school specials in preparation for a year of academic success. The vast majority of students truly do enjoy going back to school where a whole host of activities and social opportunities await them, in addition, of course, to the thrill of learning. Around many late summer dinner tables, there are conversations which begin to hone in on the elements of success to which mom and dad would like to see junior place some focus. Attitude is a biggy, of course. We niake the point that we get out of our cir- cumstances whatever we put into them. As a general rule, a positive attitude leads to pos- itive impressions, leads to positive results, leads to positive feedback, leads to positive attitude. We've all addressed this a million times with our children. We remind them that hanging out with the right crowd is pretty important, espe- cially during the adolescent years. We like to warn our children that they must select their friends carefully and seek out those who share an interest in school. We tet them know that they are like magnets, attracting to themselves those who have common goals and common attitudes, you know, those positive ones our children have. We might even go into some of those academic organizational skills that could help them. Keep your books together, get good notes in class, listen to the teacher, key in on what is most important, and keep up on your reading and projects so you don’t run into time management problems. It’s all great advice that is followed religiously for the first week or so. Well, this year, 1 am emphasizing with my own children, and the students [ teach, the element [ believe is the most important to success, and one which underlies all of those listed above. Simply, if you wish to be face the real wor successful at anything, you will need to be self-disci- plined. And what does that mean? I like to make it pret- ty basic. Self discipline is when you can do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, without being forced to do so. Seif discipline ultimately frees us trom arbitrary decisions, since external discipline is rarely needed for the self-disciplined individual. Self discipline takes care of the listening and focus problem, the temptation of bad influences problem, and the time manage- ment problem. It frees children to be suc- cessful, bit by bit, every day of the week, as they take full control of their lives and real- ize just how much they are capable of doing if they put their minds to something. Self-. disciplined children develop greater confi- dence because they achieve; they simply get things done chat need ta be done and they feel good about that. Success breeds success. There is no magic formula for a person to develop self discipline. There are enough people who promise to quit smoking or lose weight every Jan. 1, that is, EVERY Jan. 1, to verify that self discipline is easier in theo- ry than in practice. Still, as parents, we have the opportunity to continuously reinforce and reward the: - moments when our children demonstrate this characteristic. We have the obligation to give them opportunities to demonstrate that they are capable of doing things well if they J Guidance put their mind to it. Above all, we have the duty to help them see that freedom comes, not from a lack ‘of discipline, but from a surplus of self disci- pline. Those who do what is necessary, when it is necessary, are respected, trusted and given the chance to grow, at home, at school and in the workplace. . How I wish there was a back-to-school sale on self discipline! Then again, it’s actu- ally free for the taking, and there's enough for everyone who wants it. How rare a bar- gain is that? : Graham Hookev is the author of Parenting Is A Team Sport. . people other than my chil- dren or golf partners, and get a real, regular pay- cheque. It’s almost September. Seems every year around this time I feel the need to get busy doing something mean- ingful, and [’d wager [’m nor the only woman out there thinking these anxious thoughts. Pm the first to admit that until recently, Pye been spoiled. I’ve had the luxury of not having to work. The reason for this is that I was married for 17 years to what is commonly referred to as “a good provider.” And, while Uve always fiddled around part time at some- thing, I haven't actually pur- | sued a serious career since ; my third and last child was born. ; This all sounds pretty fame for a modern woman, doesn’t it? Like something out of our mothers’ genera- - tion? Well, I’m not proud, prour See Multi-talented page 21