° get this siraight BIG NEWS, my latest theory being that the Easter holiday was designed so we can take a rest before the budget comes down. And we sure need one this year, because the folk you elected are going to sock it to us, even though they never mentioned it in November. Life has become a cabaret. Con-artists, snake-oil salesmen and real-estate flippers have never done better business, and we have about as much control over what is going on as do the inhabitants of Patagonia. With the exception of free trade, every Tory election commitment made during the election was nothing more than one big warble. There were, you will recall, $12 biliion worth of promises, but now “changing circumstances’’ have nixed all that. Nothing has changed. Lies are still lies and bunk is still bunk. It’s not that I want them to spend another $12 billion, you un- derstand. It’s just that f wonder at how those charlatans can actually put their tongues around all that stuff at election time without God striking them dead. Not to worry, though. Join me in a little tour around Farceland. There is much to babble about. Out at the University Endow- ment Lands, the Musqueam Indian Band says that little saucer-shaped depressions in the soil mean that the said lands have belonged to them for thousands of years. Of course. And the ‘‘canals’’ on Mars mean that departed Venctian gon- doliers have found the right In Ontario, world-saving of- ficials of the lovely Liberal Party sent out 270,000 copies of a picture showing a dead lake. Bare tree trunks poked through shallow waters. All was desolation. A des- ext of the True North. All caused by acid rain. “Look closely at this photo,’ the gawping recipients were told. “Imagine yourselves standing right WVSB approves Collingwood expansion COLLINGWOOD SCHOOL, situ- ated at the old Glenmore Elemen- tary site in West Vancouver, receiv- od approval for enlargement of the private facility by the West Van- couver Schoo! Board last week. Akbough the schoo! board has no jurisdiction over the private tchool, the board must approve . new construction that results in more because the facil- ity is leased from the West Van- couver School Board. e are very pleased with the I board’s decision. They have bees very supportive,’’ said Henry Ellis, chairman of the board of governors for Collingwood Schooi. But during the school board meeting, trustee Barbara Howard expressed concerns the private school had a ‘‘cramped site." “Collingwood doesn’t meet ministry standards,"’ said Howard. School trustee Michael Smith said the board should be concerned with the private school if the oper- ators diminished the value of the site and he stressed that a business arrangement only was involved. “We: are not approving what they doi at the site. We have a lease agreement,’’ said Smith in response to Howard's concerns. “Look at that site strictly as a business.”” Collingwood School is in its fifth year of operation and has $40 students enrolled. there on this dead Jake."* But it was just an ordinary beaver pond in which those busy little souls had been more than usually busy.... Brian Baloney care on the air the other day to say that no civilized country could tolerate censorship. Is that a fact? Well, by that measure, Canada is certainly not civilized, Censorship thrives here..."" Mr. Svend Robinson, the sodomite member for Burnaby, has been complaining that homosexuals are being discriminated against. Again. On the radio, Mr. Pat Burns asks why they shouldn't be discriminated against. Wouldn't it have been a good idea to discriminate against the cight Catholic priests facing charges of assaulting children in Newfoundland?.. Brian Baloney came on the air the other day to say that no civi- lized country could tolerate cen- sorship. Is that a fact? Well, by that measure, Canada is certainly not civilized. Censorship thrives here.... Air Canada has been looking for flight attendants. Judging by its advertisement, however, don't bother applying unless you speak French. The ad stated that ‘‘preference * $ 6... Rolis Royce Silver Shadow Long Wheelbase. Pristine cond. Loaded, Phone, Sterec, PWiSunroot, Wnd, 8-way ad]. seats. New tires. Cloanest of few In town. Perfect for personai/corporate use. Investment that ap- preciates. Priced for quick sele. Must buy apt. $56,000. 922-1922 DURPON J.J’s Restaurant 412 WEST 13TH - NORTH VANCOUVER 987-7033 {Corner of 15th & Lonsdale) will be given to bilingual, English and French, individuals."’ ‘*Speaking French"’ — in the civil service and in the crown cor- porations — means being born in Quebec, where thousands turn out to howl about the rotten English.... Ontario doctors, meanwhile, are getting the twitches over Quebec's refusal to pay the regular rates for Quebeckers treated in Ontario. They say that from now on, they will treat Quebeckers as foreigners, and demand up-front payment. Good.... British aircraft designer Sir Thomas Sopwith died recently at the age of 101. He was the man who built the Sopwith Camel, used by our fliers inn Worfd War One. In reporting his death, Associated Press said that a Cana- dian named Roy Brown was believed to have shot down Baron von Richthofen, ‘‘the infamous Red Baron,"’ while Nying a Camel. Why was the Red Baron *‘in- famous?"’ Wasn’t he just a top air ace? Never heard that one be- fore... Ona saner front, West Van pro- fessor Angus Gunn is just back from what amounted to an anti- South African conference paid for by the Department of External Af- fairs. He rubbed shoulders with the high-minded media types who report on South Africa, and was not impressed. He will be talking about all that in the Waddington Room at the Hotel Vancouver on Thursday, March 30th, at 7:30 p.m. His theme is ‘‘Liberation Theology, Freedom or Slavery?’’ Should be worth hearing © TURKEY «EASTER & Turkey off of the roast, fresh mashed potatoes, omer g fresh vegetables, with home- made soup or calad. Cherries Jubilee for dessert 97745 Based on *1.50 off per per- son on a tabie for 4 or $1.50 per person. Offer good from Friday to Mon- day for Easter Weekend only. ee ee ee ee 9 - Fliday, March 24, 1989 - North ’Shore News” Fuca Yaozgnthll LOSING: OUT. SALE. G . NORTH VANCOUVER 986 0399 WEST VANCOUVE A 928 55461 Delbrook Naturopathic Medical Centre ’ Suite 116 - 3711 Delbrook Ave., North Vancouver § We are happy to announce the addition of Catherine Shaw = Acupuncturist Traditional Chinese Medicine to the current staff of Doctor Wendy Bayley ND Doctor David Bayley ND Jennifer Steed — Registered Massage Therapist For an appointment call 986-9191 Ever feel like you're ‘walled Addictions, arte, poverty, disease, grief - indeed any serious problem - can sesm to tnprison us... but there is a way cut. We don't have to simply ‘warm to live with it’. A solution to every problem exists and may be found tn a book that’s been on the best satier’s list for decades - The Holy Bible. (Come and join us fur a free Christian Science lecture entitled ‘“Gop's Li LAW OF RESTORATION’ David C. Driver, C.S.B. of Seattle tener be held ln our church edifice $485.00 28-114 x 35-58 This signed and numbered print is soon to be released by Robert Bateman’s Publisher. Because of the strong similarity to his previously published " "Clear Night-—Wolves” which currently has a secondary price in excess of $7,000.00, his “Midnight—Black Wolf" is very likely to become his most sought-after picture ever. RESERVE YOUR EDITION EARLY! Eerty Bird orders entitled to special benefits: 1. A $50.00 credit against the cost of framing and 2. A sixmonth return option for a 100% credit if for any reason you find you do not wish tg keep the picture — framed or unframed. Note: Earty Bird options available for a very limited period Delivery: late June. Open Sundays OSTERSON’S FRAMING & ART 1324 Lonsdale Avenue North Vancouver, BC. (13th at Lonsdale) Call 686-8102 Ze DCIS UERIDE Se miee re ran #113 Bentalt 1 — Lower Mail 505 Burrard Street