C10 - Sunday News, July 12, 1981 T QUESTION: [ve just recently started to cope with a jolting experience I had a few months ago, on my 43rd birthday. I'd like to tell you about it and ask you a question. Since I got out of my early . twenties, I have had a fot of satisfaction in life. Abnost every aspect of my life has gone well. Happily married, father of “one of each”, good health, better than average job, church-goer, nice home, no big worries and, in short, everything is just great. Then, the jolt. - Some friends who are academic types invited me to a seminar for sociology professors and graduate students. (I am not either). I felt lost and out of my depth. But a phrase I heard over and over seemed to stick with me. I don’t even know the context in which it was used, but it had to do with “making a contribution to humanity”. The jolt I mentioned was in my suddenly becoming ng to contribute aware that I was not “making a contribution”, nor had | ever given a thought to it! I think you could say that I have just coasted along in life and everything has come my way. . I have not given any thought to the purpose of it’ all. ['ve just enjoyed it. I feel now, almost instinctively, that I should be making more of a contribution, and I also feel rather stupid about never really thinking about it before. How does one go about “making a contribution to life” at the ripe old age of 43 when one finds the concept utterly new? I don't want to be some sort of “volunteer”. What I'm thinking of goes . deeper than that. How do I make life? my contribution to STEWART: You have been making your contribution, apparently without knowing it — and that’s the best way! You have not been trying to be a saint or a saviour of the ask hayden stewart Doing Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments fer individual, family or group counselling. His office tn the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) ts for the convenience of North Shore residents. world, but have simply lived your life well. To have a happy wife and kids, and all -the other goodies you listed, suggests strongly to me that you have contributed a lot. But now comes the ex- citing fure to a life of even more contributing. You ask, “How do I make my con- tribution to life?” Without being facetious, may I suggest you just keep on keeping on? completely and _ totally oneself as possible is the way to make the contribution that best suits YOU. The seed wood tree of a giant red- need not ask, “How do I make my con- tribution to life?” It simply grows and becomes a giant redwood tree. So it is with you and me and ali of us funny human beings. The best gift you can make is in being you, without pretence and without concentration on some reward. Weight Loss Clinic To be as° QUESTION: You seem to be a very busy person, into all sorts of things. How do you keep a curb on your ac- tivities? That sounds like I'm just passing the time of day about your busy-ness, but I meant it to be an_ in- troduction to the question that is bothering me. I get so wound up in things to do that fd have to be a whirling dervish to get it all done. About half the time I'm only-able to accomplish about half what I want to do. My very patient and un- derstanding wife keeps saying, “It's fierce!” and she’s just about right. One of the things that makes it hard for me to understand is that I WANT to do nearly all the things that tie me up. Llike what I'm doing (most of it) and I enjoy ac- complishing more than most people. So, Im into the accomplishing thing up to my arm-pits (hurrah!) but ‘more you can handle I'm also’ too tied up altogether (yeuch!) How do I strike a balance ? STEWART: You may possibly be one of these guys that is doing more than he thinks he can handle because he can handle more than he thinks. You may not be tied up because you’ are doing too much, but, rather, because of the nature of the drive in you that propels you into being as active as you are. Your letter gives us a couple of clues. You say (twice) that you enjoy MOST of what you do. I suggest you look into the reasons behind your doing those things you DON’T want to do. Are you trying to prove something about you? Are you keen to make an impression? That sort of motivation often enough goes to excess. Are you trying to impress YOU wx a