THE QUESTION was
‘sources of conflict.” The
answers came quickly from
the 12 couples gathered for
a marriage preparation pro
gram,

@ Money;

@ Stress — related to money;
@ In-laws and family: “Who’s
paying for the wedding?"

Then came communication,
former spouse or doy/girlfriend,
sex, friends, outside interests and
roles in the relationship.

I sat in on one of the four
half-day seminars organized by
St. Francis-in-The-Wood Angli-
can church, just ta see what's
changed since | Jast reported on
such a session 15 years ago.

By the way, even if you are al-
ready married or otherwise have a
partner, I’d recommend you take
part in a marriage preparation
program like this. ;

I guarantee the time you invest
hearing about and discussing
communication, conflict resolu-
tion, intimacy, appreciation of
each other, love and forgiveness
will produce an immediate (tax-

’ free) payback.
"And seeing people of all ages so
obviously in love is also a great |
*“ way to refresh and renew your
telationship.
Of the 12 engaged couples at-"
” tending this seminar, eight were
living together -- which certainly
. wasn’t the case at the 1978 session
I wrote about. Otherwise, the -
basic advice, both financial and
non-financial, remained unchang-
. ed. Te
You will relate to many of the
“tips, ‘whether you are in a new or
long-term relationship,

“We put on six of these pro- -
grams a year,”’ said David Tat-
chell, rector of Si. Francis-in-

_ The-Wood. “The people who
come range in age from 22 to 50;
“most haven’t been married before
* but some are on their third mar-

| tiages.””
The program I attended was led
. by Chris Carl, a vice-president of
finance, and his wife Carol, a
‘marketing director. The Carls,
- both 31, have been married nine
“years and have two daughters.

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Chris encouraged the cauples to
talk about how they want to deal
with their finances.

“Carol and | met as students
and started from zero financially,
so it was easy for us to pool
everything,’’ he said.

“One couple we know con-
tribute according to what each
earns to an account which pays all
the regular bills. Anything left
over is theirs to spend or save.
Another couple divide up the
various expenses. ‘You pay the
rent, 1’H make the car payment.’
However, an unexpected oill can
cause problems, or they need

ict

money while the other spent it all,

Chris Carl stressed the impar-
tance of a regular savings program.
“Pay yourself first’ — whether
it's an automatic monthly saving
for a down payment, buying
mutual funds or contributing to
an RRSP.

“With singles, the money often
comes in and goes out,’’ he said.
“It feels good to finally have a
job and money to spend. But two
can live more cheaply than one,
which gives you the opportunity
to start a savings program.

“Once you have a system in
place to pay the monthly bills,
dream a little of what you want to
do over the next five or 10 years.
Then turn your dreams into reality
with specific objectives and a
shared commitment to a plan.

‘We set out to buy a house in
Toronto, With a combined income
of $48,000 and a little help from
our parents, we were able to buy a
$175,000 house two years after we
got married,”’

Set a time line and in most
cases you'll not only reach your
objective sooner than you expect
but you'll even have some spare
money along the way, Chris Carl
said,

“Because we were both orga-
nized and committed, even when
we were saving for our house we
found we could afford to take a
holiday and go cut for dinner

money for a holiday — and find

that one person saved the extra

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See Important page 48

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