40 - Sunday, February I

2, 1989 - Nocth Shore News

POURING ETIQUETTE

Eating while ladling
mo reason for punchup

DEAR MISS MANNERS — I
recently attended an clegant affair
where punch was served and sev-
eral tadies of the community had
been asked to pour. I was appalled
that some of them, while serving,
proceeded (o eat cookies and drink
punch. Please discuss the etiquette
of punch- or coffee-pouring for
guidance at future similar affairs.

GENTLE READER — Miss
Manners does not want to disap-
point you by failing to get all
bristled up over this, preparatory
to going around knocking the
cookies out of these ladies’ hands.
But the fact is that ceremonial
pouring, being done by honored
guests rather than by servants, is
not totally incompatible with tak-
ing a wee sip or bite when business
is slow.

That is not to say that Miss
Manners would condone the
pourers slurping and chomping
away while others clamor for at-
tention. But to have a cup of one’s
own delicately parked to the side is
not a crime.

Incidentally, the ritual was
developed for the pouring of tea,
and, by extension, coffee or choc-
olate. Punch, being naturally kept
in a punch bowi rather than a pot,
does not really lend itself to this
method. If the punch is not pro-
fessionally ladied, cups should be
decoratively arranged around the
bow! so that the guests can help
themselves or one another.

DEAR MISS MANNERS — It
seems to me that large masses of
flowers at funerals are such an ex-
pensive waste, as they do not last
more than s few days and are
discarded. J would like to see the
money given (¢ some charity of the
family’s choosing.

Therefore, | have, on occasion,
exclosed a check of cash with a

note of sympathy, stating that this
is to be donated to the deceased
person's favorite charity, in his
memory.

Sometimes 1 receive a gracious
note of thanks, but en one occa-

manners
Judith Martin

sion, the gesture was completely
ignored, and the check never cash-
ed. I felt almost as if this family
was insulted by my sending a check
(they are wealthy, highly educated
people). Can you tell me if there is
a Better way to kandle this matter?
GENTLE READER — You
seem to exclude the possibility that
the check was never received. Miss
Manners thinks this more Ekely
than that bereaved people (never
mind how wealthy or educated
they are) would take insult at what
was obviously intended as a kindly
gesture.
DEAR MISS MANNERS — My
step-grandfather (active and in
good health) absolitely refuses to
wear © tuxedo to my formal evea-
ing wedding party. We have of-

Evaiuate, then participate

BEFORE BEGINNING a fitness
program, the North Vancouver
Recreation Commission recom-
mends getting a fitness evaluction.

The evaluation helps in develop-

ing appropriate individual fitness
programs and defining personal
fitness goals.

Call 988-6166 to book an ap-
pointment with a fitness consul-
tant.

Trotin &Trotinette

LIFESTYLES

fered to make the arrangements
and pay for it.

We would prefer not to offend
Grandma or Grandpa (interesting
that they do nol care about offen-
ding us) by having her walk down
the aisle unescoried or accom-
panied by someone other than her
husband. Leaving them completely
out of the wedding party doesn’t
seem right. However, it is impor-
tant to me that (he wedding party
(processional and ceremony) and
pictures be ‘‘perfect."’ Please sd-

vise.
GENTLE READER -- Miss
Manners advises you, most of all,
to stop that nonsense about
achieving perfection, with or
without quotation marks.

This unrealistic expectation is
the cause of more wedding agony
than any number of balky guests.
It is a tremendous disservice to in-
nocent brides that a massive wed-
ding industry keeps promising
them that they can rule wedding
events through totalitarian dic-
tatorship.

Unless she is a bridesmaid,
Grandma is not part of any formal
processional. Even if she had mar-
ried Beau Brummell, an usher
should escort her down the aisle to
her seat, with Grandpa following.
Family photographs are intended
to show the family, including def-
iant step-grandfathers .

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Divorce

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