8 - Wednesday, October 16 1985 - North Shore News

An invitation to Ocbloom - Goobloom

A CHAP signing himself P. du Plessis of North
Vancouver often writes letters to the editor in
which my name is mentioned. One such letter was
handed tc me for laughs. In the same spirit I hand
it on to you, with thanks to Mr. du Plessis for giv-
ing me a day off: So here goes:

“Duly instructed by the
Tribal CounciJ, | am writing
on behalf of the Republic of
Oobloom-Goobloom who
have unanimously voted to

import 50 tonnes of your

newspaper.

“The witch-doctor sends
his greetings to your colum-
nist Mr. Doug M’Collins and
asks for the further handout
of an autographed envelope
containing a lock of hair and
some fingernail parings.

““Somehow, Mr. M’Collins
has conveyed the wrong im-
pression of our country to
your readers...

“Not a single one of our
citizens bears the remotest
resemblance to the

photograph of a communist
that the missionary uses to
frighten us with on Sundays.
In these parts only the cattle
and the goats have horus,
and that

scarlet skin is

THE ACADEMIC Medals
for excellence in the recent
Grade 12 Provincial Scholar-
ship Competition are out.

' The second place student is
Peter McCorquodale, from
Handsworth Secondary
School in North Vancouver.

: He achieved an average of
95.3 percent in Physics,
History and Algebra.

McCorquodale, who has
been awarded the Gordon
Shrum Entrance Scholarship
to Simon Fraser University,
is studying mathematics and
science.

” Carson Graham Secondary
School’s graduating student,
Jan Culling, placed third.

He achieved an average of
95.0 per cent in Biology,
- Algebra and Physics, and
wins the Bronze Medal. ;
” The North Shore students,
together with Dawn Cheng
from West Vancouver’s Sen-
tinel School receive $2,000
scholarships from the pro-
vince. The scholarship is
awarded to the top 20
‘students in the province.

: Qualifying candidates
‘other than those in the top 20
will receive scholarships of
$1,000 each. Ministry of-
ficials anticipate approx-
imately 1,100 Grade 12
students will receive scholar-
ships, this year, a total which
represents 3 per cent of the
Grade 12 population

In addition there are ap-
proximately 400 district

scholarship winners who ex-

celled in specialty areas such
as business, industrial,
education, music, drama or
art. |

During the 1984-85 year a
total of 5,200 students par-
ticipated in the scholarship
program, an increase of 10.5
per cent over last year.

Other scholarship students
include: Philip Morse of
Handswoth Secondary in
Algebra; Ian Culling of Car-
son Graham Secondary in
Biology; Meredith Elliott of
Hillside Secondary in
Literature and History; Dian-
na Frid of Hillside Secondary
in Spanish.

RTE: ETS
get this
straight

Doug Collins

foreign to our culture and
clashes with traditional color
concepts. —~

“The witch-doctor recalls
seeing what may have been a
communist the day he ate too
many fermenting tarantulas,
but the drums report no fur-
ther infestation.

“Our greatly respected
President has asked me to
make mention of the fact that
our democratic state allows.
each individual the in-
alienable right to fair and
free legal representation as
soon as the executioner
releases his or her cadaver.

“That Mr. M’Collins has
elected to denigrate Third

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World countries comes as a
great relief to us. We were
terrified that he would sup-
port us and that we would
receive the same treatment as
other recipients of his good
will.

“Could Mr. M’Collins or
the Americar. gentleman Mr.
Archie M’Bunker be induced
to assist our political aspira-
tions by supporting the pro-
sperous and stable countries
of Africa?

“Our police chief, Mr.
Chaim Cohen, reports the
unmasking of subversive
elements in the most unex-
pected quarters since he
became a reader of the
M'Coljins column.

“Finally, we are inviting
suitable journalists to visit
our country where free elec-
tions will soon be taking
place.

“The hangman has called
for volunteer helpers to staff
the mobile gallows at polling
stations.”’

My thanks to Mr. du
Plessis for his enlightening
report. M’Collins and
M’Bunker will go confer im-
mediately to think up further
ways of boosting African
democracy. We have heard,
for instance, that there is a
good -supply of man-sized
cooking pots going cheap ata
local department store.

zn *

Mr, Wilf Blair, my second
regular reader, unburdens his
heart re the woes of the Van-
couver Symphony Orchestra.
He gets a mention because
what he has to say is
something that Gray Eyes has
been saying for some time.

Says Biair:

“Just take a gander at this
blurb from the VSO and stop
wondering how it could blow

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the millions given it: you sce
a four-color process measur-
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plus enough typography and
folding for a printer to retire
on. I'll bet that just setting it
up would have cost about
$30,000, and geiting it out to
a mailing list of say 20,000

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Finally, a long letter of ap-
parently sincere support from
Mr. and Mrs. Vanema of
North Van who close their
message this way:

“Cheer up, Mr. Collins,

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