4
'C13-Sunday News, September 7, 1980

Introducing Skills

ask hayden stewart ‘Who
. Of Die*' 1g

aS needs

Freelan.e Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new

office .n the Internauonal Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the

QUESTION: After six years,
my husband and I! often
argue bat we fel our
marriage is a good one.
Behind the smaller argu-
ments is a hig problem
neither of us can solve. Our
inability to find satisfaction
for ourselves and each other.
makes us feel trapped. I am
basically an _ intelligent
person who is quickly bored
in static situations. I am at
home all day with two
children (8 months and 4
years). Perhaps I am not a
very good mother in that j
can't seem to revolve my
whole life around my
children as some mothers
do. I need adult social
stimulus. My hushand, after
a hard day at work needs to
escape family responsibili-
ties for a while. If he goes
out, | am “stuck” at home. i
get upset and feel deserted.
Then I feel guilty. If he stays
home to help me or let me go
out, he feels trapped. When
I try to make the best of it

QUESTION: With all due
respect, you make me langh
when you speak about
REALITY and FREE WILL,
but I love you just the same.

Men in my generation do
not allow for free will:
Mostly they make all the
decision, always have and
probably always will. Often
in my life-time I have had
flashes of intuition and they
have gone unheeded. They
could have changed our
whole destiny. What a
waste. What a beautiful Life
it could be ff there were free
will. 1 ama free thinking, but
I do not have free will.

Care to tell me your view?
Or Is your advice applicable
only to the now generation?
STEWART: 1
remember using the term
“free will,” but no matter.
“Inturtive flashes” are some-
thing other than that if they
are thought of as some sort

can't

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Mavis

“ Mountain Ceramic Centre
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ome feels like jail

and go out on my own, he
“gets even” for my past be-
haviour by making it
awkward for me to leave.
When I get home | have a
mess to clean up because he
won't look after the house
while I'm gone. He claims I
am too dependent. So, to

-help solve that problem, |

ask to go back to school and
1am refused.

i get the short end of the
stick and he is only in-
terested in insuring his needs
in spite of whatever it may
cost me. I want to solve our
problem but he says I am the
one with the problem and so
I have to solve it! I feel
undesired and trapped and
he feels used and trapped. In
between we get along fine
and then the problem sur-
faces again. We handle it
poorly. We are both-in love
and both want our home, but
we are both stubborn and
home has become a prison
ior us both.

Perhaps we are looking

of “advice” or “direction” for
some other person. Your
intuitive insights are for
YOU, aot for another. Be
grateful for your intuition
and say ‘yes to it. It will be
tremendously heipful in
letting you BE the change
you want to see happen.
rather than trying to change
someone else.

I have a feeling you used
what you call your free will
to decide to ignore your
intuitive “flashes” and to
blame someone else for your
use of free will. Right?
You're right though. It could
have changed your whole
destiny, What a waste What
a beautiful life itis when you
allow yourself permission to
follow your star. Why not
choose never to stand out
against your insight again .?

You are a free thinker? I
don't sense that. You seem
to be lacking in freedom to

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Star) your

the answer in the face and
missing it. Have you any
advice?

STEWART: Teil him you
have broken into print and
let him read your letter and
this brief response. He has a
problem too, if only because
the woman he ioves has a
problem. it is your
“problem” together. When
you both are able io say.
“We have a problem” you
are taking the first step in
turning your probiem into an
opportunity. If BOTH of you
want to, you can move
towards the best days of your
love You might feel you
need heip through coun-
selling, but in all probability
you'll be able to do it on your
own. Forget about who is
stubborn, and who has a
problem. and who is petting
the short end of the stick
and, imstead, uncover the
treasure there ts for you both
when vou see that you are
two lovers who want to be
happy. Your love will work:

What's wrong with |
followinga star? |

pay attention to your in-
sights. Instead, you test

them out against how some-
one elise reacts to them. It is
to YOU they come. And you
are free to act on them or to
pull back from them and
blame someone else for their
not working for you.

11 30to 4

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successful
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QUESTION: My psychiatrist 6 Cycle. e
said to me last week, out of g °
the blue, “Perhaps you

haven't got an inferiority
complex — maybe you are
just inferior.” I thought I was
doing well with him. Now |
don’t know what to think.

STEWART: Perhaps he was
trying to get you to stand up
for yourself. Or perhaps he
had just read that old joke
someplace and wanted to gei
it off. Or perhaps he was
tired out. Or perhaps he is
woefully in need of psychia-
tric heip himself. you don't
know what to think? What
you have been thinking is
that you have been “doing
well with him.” Good for
you. Keep it up. Tell him his
joke fell flat and that you
want to get on with it

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