Even relatives need to feel DEAR MISS MANNERS — My mother is semi-invalid and is living with me for two months. She will then live with my sister for two months. While she is here, my sister will come to my house maybe three times a week and help bathe her, give her a meal and medication, and even stay with her so that my husband and I can go out. Some- times when she’s here, I stay home and clean, and sometimes I just stay home and relax. My sister and [I are active women, and after Mother’s bath, miss manners Judith Martin . etc., we don’t enjoy sitting around doing nothing, so my sister has sometimes dusted a room or folded laundry while I have been here or away from the house. I will do the same when Mother is at her home. Should I thank her when she just takes care of cur mother? I am always grateful when someone does things for me. I'm very appreciative when she does work for me and I always say, ‘*Thank you,’” but I just can’t seem to say “Thank you” for car- ing for our ‘nother. 3 can’t say “Thanks’’ for feeding her, bathing her, giving her medication or stay- ing with ber when we go out. I can’t say “Thanks’’ for soine- thing that is her obligation, just as it is mine. You'll probably ask why I don’t just say “Thank you” for all heip and be done with it, but at these times, it just won’t come out. I'm not being petty, am I? But I SENTINEL Secondary School 4250 Chartwell Drive West Vancouver V7S 2R2 shall apologize to my sister for the times I haven’t said “Thank you,” if you say I am wrong. GENTLE READER — You and your sister sound like such nice people that Miss Manners hesitates to quibble with you about the use of “Thank you.’ But etiquette does not agree that its use is limited to acknowledging favors. It is a great encouragement to everyone, even in the clear per- formance of duty or job, to be ap- preciated. However, you need not specifically do it by saying ‘*‘Thank you” for the specific tasks your sister performs for your mother — Miss Manners doesn’t want to cram words in your mouth that won't come out. Surely you wouldn’t mind saying something like ‘‘Mother is so lucky to have you -— you're so good to her — and I fel lucky to have you as a sister.” ‘Vliss Manners prom- ises that thos: words will quickly be addressed tu you. DEAR MISS MANNERS — My mate and I recently gave an open house — the first party in our new home — to which perhaps 40 peo- ple were invited. Several guests brought gifts. These items ranged from botiles of wine to more extravagant items that indicated that considerable thought had been devoted to their selection. When, after the party, we open- ed the packages, we found that none of the guests had included cards, Comparing notes on who arrived with the red box or the bag from a particular department store has not solved our probiem. Can you suggest a way to express our gratitude? An unspecific letter to each guest seems ineppropriate, especially since only a few of them brought gifts. GENTLE READER — There is an etiquette lesson here for guests. Also, there is a tip for hosts: Keep a pencil by the door during large parties that might inspire presents, so that the donor's name can be surreptitiously scribbled on a package that will properly be opened later, so as not to embar- rass guests who didn’t bring any- thing. This outstanding program is open to any North Shore student entering Grade 7 in September 1990. Pian to atiend an information meeting on Wednssday, April 5/90, 7:30 p.m. at Sentinel Secondary School. w For further i -3201. SHARE YOUR FAMILY? We invite you and your Canadian family to enjoy the unique experience of sharing your home with a Japanese student of high schoo! to university age this summer. Students will be arriving in August for short durations to upgrade their English lanquage skills as wel! as learn more about our Canadian culture. These young people are known for their polite behavior, and many student / family visits develop into lasting relationships. If you are interested or would like more information, please call Pat at the office or at his residence: 681-5989. BCJ SERVICES CANADA INC. #304, 842 Thurlow St. Vancouver, B.C. 689-5722 Suitable remuneration is provided. appreciated Presumably all your guests are your good friends, or you wouldn’t have invited them. Miss Manners suggests you invite them all soon again, not necessarily to a similar large event, but in smaller groups, and tell your sad story in general enough terms, as if discussing those not present. 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