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Pe RET AGES

ch 9, 1977
@ i

Monday mornings is gud fer two things: .

Thinkin’ and Cussin’.

F’rinstance, wen you lath-
ers up the old face an starts
whiskers, it’s
Thinkin’ time...like figgerin’

how many miles of whiskers.

has gone down the drain
since you scraped the first

fuzz off, mebbe fifty yeres —

2g0. |

An fer anuther f’ rinstance,
you reeilize sorta sudden like

that the old shavin’ brush is -
lookin’ purty frazzled. There .
ain’t much left except for a |

kinda stubble, an you thinks
back wen the Old Man giv it

to you on Christmas, back :

arount ‘36 wen you hit

eighteen—an figgered you :

wus growd up!

It ses on the handle ‘‘Pure
Badger Hair’’...an you gets
to thinkin’ how folks must
have knocked off the critters.
jest fer makin’ = shavin’
brushes, an wonderin’ if
there’s any of ‘em left. Also
the handle ses ‘‘Pure Ivory’’

...an you reelize the elefunts |

ain’t doin’ too gud, either.
Besides, wot with one
thought leadin’ to anuther,
so to speak, a feller can luk in
the mirror wile he scrapes off
the lather an sorta wonder if

there wus sumthin’catchin’in

that elefunt ivory, becus the ©

old face is gettin’ purty
wrinkled, same as an ele-
funt’s hide. .
Well, sir, next you hoists
the old trousers fer THE
MONDAY MORNING.
‘RITUAL! .

BUSTD OUTFIT
That means the wife has

laid out a purty outfit fer you
to start the week with—wich

En ALUE!

Wer @ fewall - 2! seeq

. gets to thinkin’

Nar ine Dr., West

Pe orn

-< Nevth Skere ‘News

s

JUUUAATUNAR GUANA
means you are gonna be late
fer work, becus you have to
take the stuff frum pockits in
an outfit that wus jest bustid
to harness an feelin’ sorta

comfortable ana littel baggy: :|» ...
where the .strain..cum:..an |”
you go nuts transferrin’ stuff

into a new outfit that. feels

uncomfortable as hell! _-

It don’t matter how hard

you try—you allus end up at :
the office without coffee

money—or no pen or pencil
—or yur best pipe, with no
tobacco! .

‘That’s where a2_ feller
moves into Cussin’ Time...an

nave the best answer, after

all...a jeezly big bag slung. -
where.

frum the.shoulder,
you jest flangs in the whole

' shebang an dumps it on the |
floor wen you can’t find wot _

you need! .

The big trubble is that wen-

a feller hoists the weekend

arine

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HOUETUTAAUEGEEOGUETHLT,

trousers, there’s a helluva
weight, wich;makes a feller
think there’s a lotta ground
work that ain’t done—before
we gets this Wimmens’ Lib
thing off the ground.

POCKIT OF SCREWS
F’rinstance, the right hand

pockit has an 8-foot steel
tape measure; a key fer the

_ chuck on the electrick drill; a

half-dozen 8 by 1% inch

Robertson-head screws; two’:

washers fer the kichen sink;
a 5/8 British Standard
Whitworth sockit to fit. the
wrench fer the old car; a
crumpled sales slip fer ten

feet of % by 3% bullnose

kiln-dried fir:..an fifty eight
cents. ee a

Jest about that time, wen I
am ten minutes late fer work,
a feller reelizes Abraham
Lincoln wus shur as hell rite
wen he sed ‘‘ALL MEN ARE
CREATED EQUAL.”’

_ An then I fishes in the hip
pockit of the old trousers,
where there’s a _ helluva
weight, an I gets to thinkin’
folks shud do sum more work
on this Wimmens’
thing...becus I ain’t never

“seen a lady dump her purse
_upside-down an turn out an

8-inch pair of pliers! .

Yessir, Monday mornin’ is
shur gud fer Cussin’ and
Thinkin’! | .

Lib |

Queen Mary Community Schoo

NO MINORS please ADVANCE TICKETS *3*° (980-5114)

Volunteers of North Shore
Neighbourhood House will
be the guests at a “‘varied

buffet and entertainment’”

evening next Thursday at

5:30 p.m. at the House, 225 .

East 2nd Street.

More than 100 volunteers

are expected at the event.

which will have a_ St.

.Patrick’s Day Theme, acc-

ording to a press release.

The volunteers — provide

‘service in junior and inter-
mediate programs for boys

i [KK

and girls after school. They
also participate in programs
for senior citizens, mothers.
and tots, and pre-teens as
well as teenagers. —

All volunteers will receive
merit certificates with special
awards going to those who
have volunteered for three
and five years. .

th & 13th]

ere SSN nf Rt ENTE Nl REM

wimmen .

-Said the Goose. "Then | wi
~ Little Red Rooster and he did.

FLAIR|

Once upon a time there was a

- Little Red Rooster who scratcked

about and uncovered some grains of

~ wheat. He called his barnyard

neighbours and said: “If we work |
together and plant this wheat, we will
have some fine bread to eat. Who will

help me plant the wheat?" . .
“Not |,” said the Cow. “NotI,” said

the Duck. "Not 1," said the Goose.
“Then tf will,” said the Little Red
Rooster and he did.

After the wheat started rowing,

the ground turned dry and there was .

no rain in sight. “Who will help me
water the wheat ?” said the Little Red
Rooster. | .

“Not I,” said the Cow. "I'd lose my
workman's compensation,” said the
Pig. “Equal rights," said the Goose.
“Then | will,” said the Little Red
Rooster and he did. .

The wheat grew tall and ripened

_ into golden grain. “Who will help me .

reap the wheat?” asked the Little Red
Rooster.

“I'm waiting for a guaranteed

annual wage,” said the Cow. "Not 1,”

said the Duck. “Out of my
classification,” said the Pig. “Not 1,""
Il," said the

When it came time to
grind the flour, “Not I,”
said the Cow. "I'd
lose my unemploy-
ment insurance,”
said the Duck.

When it came
time to bake the
bread. “That's

‘the com-

overtime for me,” said the Cow. "I'ma
dropout and never learned how,” said
the Duck. “I'd lose my welfare

benefits,” said the Pig. “If I’m the only

_ one helping, that’s discrimination,”

said the Goose. : oe
“Then | will,” said the Little Red _

Rooster and he did. He baked five

loaves of fine bread and held them up
for his neighbours to see.

“| want some,” said the Cow. “I
want some,” said the Duck. “I want
some,” said the Pig. “| demand my
share,” said the Goose. ___

“No,” said the Little Red Rooster.
“! can rest for awhile and eat five
loaves myself.”

“Excess profits,” cried the Cow.
“Capitalist leech,” screamed the
Duck. “Company fink,” grunted the
Pig. “Equal rights,” screamed the
Goose. And they hurriedly painted

icket signs and marched around the
ittle Red Rooster, singing, “We shall
overcome.” And they did. .

For when
the Farmer
came to in-
vestigate

motion, he said, “You must not be
greedy, Little Red Rooster. Look at

- the oppressed Cow. Look at the —
disadvantaged Duck. Look atthe: >
underprivileged Pig. Look at the less:

fortunate Goose. You are guilty of _
making second-class citizens of
them.” . ”

protested the Little Red Rooster.

“Exactly,” the wise Farmer said. -

“That is the wonderful free enterprise

system; anybody in the barnyard:can.
e wants. You should —
. be happy‘to have all this freedom. In

earn aS much as

other barnyards, you would have to:
give all your loaves to the Farmer. -

‘Here you give four loaves to your

suffering neighbours.” |
And they lived happily ever after.

Including the Little Red Rooster, who

smiled and crowed, “I am grateful, |

‘am grateful.”

ut his neighbours wondered

“why he never baked any more bread.

FREE 2-COLOUR POSTER
If you also believe in the free enter-
prise system help us spread the
word by sending in for a free
2-colour poster of this adver-
tisement for posting in your office
or place of business. Quantities

can be provided for companies
or associations who can make
effective use of them.

Write: Canadian Federation of
Independent Business, P.O.
Box 35, Don Mills, Ontario

M3C 2R6.

CANADIAN FEDERATION OF
INDEPENDENT BUSINESS

 Anon-profit organization of over 40,Q00 independent business
owners dedicated to the preservation of free competitive enterprise,

“But-but-but | earned the bread,”

unin aa dees