Resolved: find
more anthilis
for picnics in
the new year

HERE IT is half past July,
almost quarter to August
and no New Year’s resolu-
tions made yet. It’s time.

Last year we resolved not to
rush. That was a gocd resolution.
Let’s renew it and try harder in
1991,

Most bad and unhappy things
are done in haste. Life is not only
gentler but also more sensible if
you move just a bit slower.

Almost any advertisement that
shouts ‘‘Act now while supplies
last’’ is an attempt to flog some
product that nobody wants.

Don’t buy and it will go away.

Another resolution for 1991 is
to not believe more than half of
the things the ecologists are say-
ing. If you believe in more than
that you will surely die young. It
won't be the industrial poisons
that do you in, it’s the running
around flapping your wings and
squawking that kill you. They call
it nervous exhasction.

Nervous exhaustion has been
advanced as the reason for the
grouse population’s cycles,
Biologists suggest that grouse
eventually become so numerous
that they continuously intrude on
each other's territory and cause
the anger to rise and the adrenalin
to flow. Too much adrenalin saps
the body’s defences and the bird
dies of a trivial ailment that it
should have been able to shrug
off.

Don’t know about the Franklins
and the Willows but the St. Pierre
adrenalin isn’t going to flow freely
in 1991,

Going to avoid the word
“fraught”? in 1991. It was printed
too often in 1990. Just about
everything that happened was
fraught with significance and what
was signified was always trouble.
For some reason, events never
came fraught with the prospects
of peace, abundance, good will
among men or free beer on
weekends.

This is a year to remain un-
fraughtened.

One way of avoiding the runn-
ing and marking fits in 1991 is to
pay more attention to foolish
superstitions.

Too many of us are paying at-
tention to foolish experts —
economists, university presidents
and Canada Council chairmen.

Instead let’s read the fortune
cookie | break open at the old
Yen Lock which reads, ‘‘Help, |
am a prisoner in a Chinese for-
tune cookie factory.’’ Well, if not
that one, then the one that reads:
“Your fate is written in the stars,
you shall have seven motor cars.”’

For similar reasons am going to
read horoscopes. Like fortune
cookies they are always somehow
optimistic. So much better than
listening to Her Majesty’s Loyal
Opposition Party who are always
not.

Instead of studying weather
maps, will read the Farmer’s
Almanac.

Will cut my tocnails and buy
stocks according to the phase of
the moon even while knowing that
the toenails will keep growing and
the stocks won’t.

Paul
St. Pierre —

PAULITICS & PERSPECTIVES

It’s alla matter of whom you
choase to disbelieve.

For me, instead of not believing
the experts and the scientists } will
not believe a lot of plain oid-
fashioned superstitious bunkum
about walking under ladders on
Friday the 13th.

The results of disbelief will be
exactly the sare, but disbelief will
be more fun,

Going to give less charity to
whales aad more to people in
1997,

With luck and good manage-
ment, the trendy appeals will get
from me not so much as a solitary
copper engraving of the estimable
spouse of Prince Philip of Bat-
tenberg.

Better to give to people than to
causes.

if in doubt, will give to the Sal-
ly Ann. If you don’t know what
the Sally Ann is, wait until you're
an army private in the next war.
You'll learn and never forget.

Going to remember a simple
rule in 1991. Like all the best
rules, simple. It is one my father
taught me and other wise men
repeated while | trudged down the
long road of the years.
“BEWARE THE RIGHTEOUS
MAN.”

Simple enough, but only time
and experience make you appreci-
ate the awesome wisdom of those
words.

Righteous men conducted the
Inquisition, righteous men baptiz-
ed babies in Mexico during the
Conquest and then, having saved
their souls, took the little
creatures by the heels and dashed
their brains out cn the pavement.

The Crusaders who sacked
Constantinople were righteous
men; so were the people who
designed and operated the gas
ovens at Belsen.

Righteous men take money
from the widows and orphans
with TV evangelism programs.

Righteous men He in court,
clear-eyed, botdly, successfully,
made confident by the knowledge
of their irreproachable rectitude.

Righteous men know that they
are better than other people,
therefore the laws made for other
men were not made for them.

Beware the righteous man.
Learn to recognize him by his ar-
rogant piety, his blinding greed,
his sure grasp of Scripture.

In 1991, will be alert for any
opportunity to send a righteous
man to hell.
ES OE

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