QUESTION: My marriage
is so close to being zood, but
at the same time it is very
very close to being all over. I
have a feeling that with seme
counselling help we could.
make a go of it, perhaps even
aa real good go of it. But you
know, I have deliberateley
avoided counselling for fear 4
it might work! Deep down in
my heart, I don’t really want
to be married to my husband.

I don’t mean there is
someone else [I want to
marry, it’s just that I den’t
-see any stars with him. I am
not excited when I see him.
When he is away, I don’t
really miss him. Ours is a
kind of blah relationship. I
admire and respect him, and
he is a fine sert of person.
We have no financial prob-
lems, no big conflicts, no
fights and also no fun.

SHEN EAEAEUOTEUGSEREEUUEELUEGREGUOERES

‘Freelance Counsellor Hayder
Stewart does private counsel-
‘ling as well as a great deal of
group. work. Hoe can be"
. contacted at 261-6242 for
information and appointments..
Letters are always welcome.
Mail them to HAYDEN
STEWART, c/o the North.
Shore News, #202-1139 Lons-
dale, Nerth Van.

pUNEAOOTOEUOEUANGONEpOEREANALL

do when you are ashamed of
an attitude you have, and
want to get rid of it, and yet
keep strengthening it? ’'m a
bachelor and quite frankly
“marringe-minded. I'm 23
years old and scem to get
along very well with women.
i mean it is no probiem for
me. to feel at home with and
like girls. In fact, twice now I
have been “in love’’ and on
the verge of popping the
question, But here’s the
thing I’m ashamed of. I have
walked away from those two
very lovely girls because they
didn’t have the — financial
stability ond resources that I
want my wife to have. [You
have no idea how hard it was
for me to put into writing that
horrible confession! ]

Lhave a very good job with

_ 2. goad fulure aut, jive ito.

‘do.

I believe he would say the
very same thing. I don’t
think he wants to ‘‘work’’ at
the marriage any more than I
I believe both of us
hesitate about separating
because there are not enough
reasons for us te ge our
separate ways. It’s sort of a

‘bore being married and a

bother te work out a
separation. So, we just keep
on with a courteous, hum-.
drum relationship. I kind of
like him and he kiad of likes.
me. But that’s fi. No spark,
no vitality, no joy. What
should we do?

STEWART: You should do
SOMETHING, rather than
just resting on your laurels.
Apart from your marriage,
you sound to me like two-
pretty dull people. Is that the
case? If each of you would
decide to become the change
you want to see happen, I

know whether you want to be
married.

It seems to me you are a
couple who might very well
continue your ‘courteous,
hum-drum relationship”

while each of you gets help in»

his own enrichment’ § and

_ fulfillment. Your first priority |
should be. your own’ indi-

vidual growth. and _ evolve-
ment. There
sense in ‘‘working at. your
marriage’’ when neither. of
-you is sure whether that is
what he wants.

Find yourselves and you
will be far more likely to find
your marriage or to find a

-rewarding way out of it. Start

now! Go for individual

enrichment counselling and
support each other in the
experience. The marriage?
You'll know at the right time.

QUESTION: I- swear the
first person who ‘says
“Happy New Year’’ te me

next January will get himself

a big fat lip! it’s a cruel thing
to say unless yeu know who
you are saying it to and what
their _ circumstances are.
Here I am, unemployed and
not qualifying for Unem-

wel nurnen nant ee Ee eae on

PAU y aaCAe SOUL GIT Ce - @onm't

have a car. My wife has a.

‘roving eye and seem happy
about it. I have a bad foot.

1 don’t make friends very’

easily, in fact I don’t really

want to with the | crummy
people I meet.

All) my
relatives live far away, and
so I don’t have anyone close

to me. Even my own kids

don’t seem to like me enough
to be civil with me. Can you
blame me for seeing red
when someone says to me
‘‘Happy New. Year’’? The

other day I heard a guy say,

‘Someone up there must like
me.”’ Well, until Someone up.
there starts liking me,
there’s not much sense in
idiots saying ‘“‘Happy New.
Year’’ to me. Right? -

STEWART: You are un-

doubtedly waiting for” my
reply. and hoping it. will start

ielor shuns stenogt

QUESTION: What do you

debts and yet I want a wife
who also has a top-bracket
job and is dedicated to
continuing in it. The two girls
I really wanted to marry, I
disqualified because” they
were ‘‘just stenographers.’’ I
know I have. probably walked
away from two potentially

great wives. I dei’t want io |

pe tine ini, Wine uu you
suggest for me?

STEWART: It could be that
you, in fact, have a strong
‘feeling of insecurity about
money and possessions and
therefore feel the need to
buoy up your financial
strength before taking on the
added costs of responsible
marriage. But I think it more
likely you do not trust
yourself in a love relation-
ship. I can sce you hating
your demand for financial
strength in your. prospective

> Po

off with, ‘‘Boy—you have my.

sympathy, you are in a bad
spot and, believe me, I feel

sorry for you.’’ I’m not going |

to say I feel sorry for you
because you are doing that so

brilliantly yourself that you |
would resent my addins to”

your efforts. You’d probably
report far and wide that you

Sonam Swen

got v was ‘I’m sorry for you.’

: wrote in for heln and all you

You Say, “until someone
up. ihere starts liking’’ you,
everything. will, stay the
same. Wrong! In the first
place, there’s no. one. ‘‘up
there."" God. is not ‘‘up
there,’
what a whiny receiption you
are giving Him.

In addition He DOES like
“you.

- YOU are the- one who
doesn't like’ you. Instead of
whimpering and crying in
your beard, why .not give a
listen to the One you think
doesn't like you. He may.

even let you know why He

does! Now that I’ve got that
blast off my chest, 1 want to
tell you I-do feel sorry for you
and hope you'll let me say,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

her

partner, but at the same time
being glad you can use it to
run away from love and
marriage. You are feeding
yourself an insecurity diet
but your insecurity is about
you and love and marriage—
not about money, Are you
bluffing yourself. do you
think? What if you bumped
iiiO & Geliphiful pitt who had
areal good job and wanted to
marry you?

I'd tend to wager that
you'd back: off because
religious differences, or be-
sause her family has a
history of hang-nails,

lady says she can't
that—or or or or. You'd find
a ‘respectable reason"'
backing off. You don’ tneeda
wealthy bride.
find your own inward treas-

ure andlbankwan theo eee oe

believe you would come to ‘|

iS not much

* He is in YOU—and

of

or
because you might want to
move to Austrialia and your
do

for

You need vo

page 13 - January 19, 1977 -

North Shore News

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