x» ~ Sunday, June 11, 1989 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES WEDDING ETIQUETTE Money has nothing to do with receiving-line hierarchy DEAR MISS MANNERS — My husband and I are giving tend books, cheerfully or other- my stepson a small wedding reception soon, and we need your advice on receiving-line etiquette. _The bride’s parents and the ’s parents are divorced and each is either remarried or serious- ly involved with someone cise. The reception will be small, only 50 to 75 people. It will be formal, with candlelight dining. My hus- band is paying most of the ex- penses. The bride’s mother is also contributing. The bride’s father and the groom’s mother are not contributing to the occasion. In what order should the receiv- ing line be? GENTLE READER — In order of the size of their financial con- tributions, Miss Manners supposes you expect her to say. Deadbeats need not apply. Well, money has nothing whatever to do with it. The custom is for either the mothers. of the couple, or their mothers and fathers, to receive with the bridal couple. If you and the bridegroom’s mother get along well, you might join them as host- ess, but Miss Manners hopes you will not make an issue of it. There are too many extraneous people here, some of them not even related, and they will all be screaming to be treated ‘‘fairly.’’ However, you only asked about the order.. If you really want to have a receiving line nearly as long as the guest List, Miss Manners will put her feelings aside and give you an order: 1) The bride’s mother. 2) The bridegroom’s father. 3) You. 4) The bride’s mother’s husband. 5) The bridegroom’s mother. 6) The bride’s father. 7) The bride’s stepmother. 8) The bridegroom’s stepfather. Note that this is not ‘order of importance. »? The traditional idea is to mix up the two families (bride’s mother, bridegroom’s fa- ther, bridegroom’s mother, bride’s father). Miss Manners has merely added the rule, when families are mixed enough already, of avoiding juxtaposing people who used to be married to each other, or to each other’s spouses. It makes far too interesting a spectacle for the. guests. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am an elderly person and not as quick or agile as I once was, but I am not too slow to be able to an- swer my own door when someone knocks. I have a friend, much younger, and perhaps she does mean well. When she is here and someone knocks, she says, ‘‘I’ll get it,” and before I can answer or leave my chair, she is opening the door. manners Judith Martin I do not like this at all. I like to personally greet my own friends when they come, and to personally answer anyone else. How can I handle this, please, without hur- ting her feelings? GENTLE READER — Un- doubtedly she means well, and Miss Manners can imagine how ir- ritating it must be. You must therefore put a stop to it with a gentle explanation, accompanied by appreciation: “You're so sweet trying to save me getting up, but you see, it’s very important to me that I act as hostess to my. visitors, so I'll get the door.” Miss Manners realizes that by the time you got all this out, the visitor would be gone. Since the young lady does this habitually, you will have to tell her some time when the doorbell is not ringing. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am a college student who thinks of becks as precious possessions. Al- though it is a financial hardship at present to buy them, it is worth the expense because I often use the books for research ideas or as ref- erences. I have cheerfully lent beoks to people over the years and, more often than not, they are not returned. Even if I could afford to replace them, many are out of print. I am no longer willing to SINTRODUCTORY OFFER! y Seg. 95 yw @' -] Simple. 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To say, “‘Ch, I’m so sorry — I just have a rule never to lend books — people fall in love with them and never return them’’ is charming. If the professor is your thesis adviser, you might want to volun- teer to arrange to have the library send him or her its copy. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I was called rude when I met a date inside a bar instead of outside the bar as he thought was good eti- quette. GENTLE READER — Miss Manners suggests you not accept etiquette instruction from anyone who thinks a lady should hang around the outside of a bar waiting for him. She also suggests you not accept etiquette advice from any- one who thinks a lady should hang around inside a bar waiting for [tu fepack bearings, : Pe “duty brake-shoes or organ FLOSSERS KEEPERS... Ve Make cleaning between a daily routine. DENTAL HEALTH ‘F CANADIAN DENTAL ASSOCIATION NEIL DIAMOND TRIBUTE by JOHN CRONIN & KILLARNEY June 15/89 One night only RESERVE NOW 216 CARRALL ST. 687-4322 Millions practice it. Doctors recommend it. 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