C6 - Sunday News, July 26, 1981

QUESTION: I've almost
reached the end of my tether
with’ my wife. I was just
going to write, “She's
hopeless”, but I guess I
wouldn’t be writing this
letter if I thought she was
hopeless. But she has so
many things wrong with her,
I could fill your whole
column with a list of them.
She's always late to
everything, she's always
afraid. of what people will
think, ‘she’s always going on
about having no enérgy, I
really think she has no in-

QUESTION: I happen to
know that some of the letters
you receive, you never
answer. In my particular
case, I wrote you about my
rather untradifional love life
and you have ignored it.
Why ts that? Why didn’t you
print my letter and respond
to it?

STEWART: First, a general
answer. When a letter is
much too long, or is at-
tempting to promote a

terest at all tn‘ love-inaking
and when she's had
something’ to drink, - her.

’ Jlanguage fs coarse and she’s

loud. Also she’s terribly
critical of the children.
There are just a few of the
things about her that need to
be different. [ve honestly
tried to teach her, because
Vid like to help her, but I
can't get anywhere with her.
As soon as I start to tell her
what's wrong with her, she
turns it into an argument.
And when she gets defen-
sive, the attempt at mature

theory, or plug an interest of
the writer, then I do not
include it in the column. If
such letters are = ac-
companied by a name and
address, I nearly always
write a personal note, ex-
plaining the omission.

More specifically about
your letter. If, from your
brief reference to it, I am
remembering the right one, I
can only tell you that it
seemed to me to be
somewhat sexually kinky for
this sort of column and this

‘becomes a fight. I wish I

‘could help her, but she will
not lee me. FI would really
appreciate some advice.

STEWART: Advice? O.K.,
you asked for it. First off,
admit to yourself that the

_method you are using is not

working. Then the next
sensible step is to quit using
the method that you think is
not working. (In your
business, you would not
stick with a method that is

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. Hts
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) ts for the
convenience of North Shore residents

Letter in bad taste

Sort of paper. I got the
feeling that you were trying
to “plug an interest of the
writer” and, rather daring us
to print it.

It would not have taken
courage on my part, to print
your letter, but it would have
taken bad taste and I was not
up to it. I have the feeling
that the question you wanted
discussed was valid. Why not
try it again, but write it in a
way that is more apt to result
in its being printed and
answered.

What to teach the children

QUESTION: What do you
think are some of the most
important things to teach or
to give your kids as they
grow up? Now please don't
say, Love and a Peaceful
Family, etc.

STEWART: Love and a
Peaceful Family are two
good ones. (I love to rebel
like that and go right against
imstructions — but don't tell

THE REBOUNDER STORE
4926 Imperial St. Burnaby

your kids! )

Two others that I rate very
very high, will take some
pondering. I give you A

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TO

bankruptcy. You . would

ditch that procedure and try

something different. Right?)

In this case, the new
method you try might very
wisely be something almost
exactly opposite to what you
have been doing. Instead of
trying to “train” her to

_ become what YOU think she

should be, please consider
training yourself to become
adept at two very effective
living-skills that have proved
most helpfil in the
evolvement of love
relationships. First, talk
more with her about what
you LIKE in her and don’t
talk at ali about what you
don't like in her. You may
have evidences of improved
relationship quite soon, but I
wish you would give yourself
a good six-months in this re-
training period.

‘Second: Receive her as
beautiful, exactly where she
is in her personal
evolvement at the present
time. Look past her irritating
ways to the real person she

is, without judgement and_

without criticism. Practice
loyally these two ideas for a
period of six months. When
the six months are up, I'll bet
you'll keep on, because the
rewards will be great!

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