QUESTION:
means would you call me a

Not by

any

“toucher.” It is not in me to
be demonstrative. If a friend
gives me a hug, I can feel
myself stiffening. They feel it
too. My best. friend talks
with me about it.

My mother and father are
both the same way. I never
see them touch or kiss. One
of my sisters is like me too.
The other sister is warm and
vivacious and enthusiastic

ate

and out-going. I would give a

lot to be like her - but ['m

not, that’s all there is to it.
To quite a degree I am a

sociable person, but, as I:

say, I don’t show my
feelings. Socially, I am a
listener and a follower, not a

talker og the one who
initiates conversations or
shares feelings.

I feel like I am missing a
lot and would like to be
different, but I also know
what I'm like and am very

skeptical about the
possibility of a leopard
changing its spots. I don’t
think people really change
very much.

Do you think I could
change? And how would I go
about it? Just before closing
off, I want to say that I feel
once in a while I am really a
warm feeling person and I
just don’t know how to let
myself act this way. Is that a
possibility?

ask hayden stewart

QUESTION: My father is
not really the kind of person
I like. Our personalities do
not seem to meld at all. He is
‘loud and crass. He bullies
anyone near him by his gross
and overbearing manner.

I, on the other hand, while
Tam not socially withdrawn,
tend nevertheless to be more
quiet and less aggressive.
Raucous is by no means the
word for me, but it is a very
good one to describe my
father.

Superficially, there is
nothing about him that
draws me to him. I imagine I
must love him, otherwise I
would not be so upset about
finding it very difficult to

Outside Mail

relate to him. Frankly,
avoid him a great deal of the
time. I don't enjoy being
steam-rollered by him, and I
have no interest whatsoever
in “standing up” to him and
putting him in his place.

I would be quite happy to
see him only occasionally
and yet I know this is all
wrong and that | should
relate to him on a more
friendly basis. | am 27 and
living with my wife on the
North Shore. He is about 50
and lives in Ladner. I feel
quite guilty about our poor

relationship. I should do
something, but what?
STEWART: If your father

(or anyone else) does not

Our “2nd Birthday” Offer

Featuring

The Uniperm DREAM MACHINE

This Versatile Styling Centre Can Give You

Boditier to give you volume & body 20
Uncurnl for lasting oatucal cae 3 5

Otfer Expires Nov. 7 (Cutnot included)

UNICUTTERS MANELINE SALON

Park Royal North, West Van

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appotntments for individual. family or group counselling.

Life with father

attract you mto a com-
panionable relationship,
there is no,need for you to
feel guilty. Get on with living
the way you want to live.
Allow him to live the way he
wants to live. Your loving
him does not demand of you
that you make him your pal.

It's O.K. for you not to list
him near the top of your
preferences. If you give
yourself permission to love
him, even though you do not
much like him, you may well
find your love for him
becoming increasingly
meaningful. Love him un-
conditionally.

aacee

— 922-4124

‘is needed you

STEWART: Not only is it a
possibility, but it is a strong
probability. I think we are
all lovers and when we don’t
live out our lives as lovers it
is because we are hiding our
real selves away and refusing
to move into our reality.

The fact that you WANT
to uncover your warmth and
enjoy the same freedom to
be enthusiastic and
demonstrative that your
sister enjoys should let you
know that the probability of
your achieving that pleasure
is not unrealistic at all.

You may save yourself a
little time by seeking out
counselling, but a lot of what
can ac-
complish on your own. At
the outset, show respect for
your own desire to be more
outgoing. That’s what you
want? Then “practice” at it.

With everyone you meet
in the next month, be a little
bit warmer, a little bit more
enthusiastic. Even if you are
talking about the weather,
allow yourself, even  en-
courage yourself to be a bit
more bubbly than you
usually are. When you get
your car gassed up, be a little
more cordial with the at-
tendant than you~ might
ordinarily be. And so on
with everyone you meet.

Leave the touching and
hugging for the time when
you sense you are ready for
it. Don't “try” to do it. One
of these fine days you will
spontaneously give someone
the experience of having you
hug them. It will “happen” at
the nght tame for vou.

HU bees (pe Lanne eat bere

The Anywhere Jenn-Air *

C19 - Wednesday, Oct. 14, 1981 - North Shore News

illar can be a butterfi

Get it out of your head (if
it is there) that you need to
CHANGE yourself. That
makes it harder for you.
Instead, get it into your head
that you want to BE yourself.

Then permit yourself
gradually to remove the
blocks, to the

ignore

habitual barriers, to
welcome into the open light
and the fresh air the real
person you have tended to
keep in the closet. A
caterpillar - when it comes
out of its special kind of
closet, becomes a butterfly
you know!

od

IN NORTH VANCOUVER

PRESCRIPTIONS FILLED FOR
EYEGLASSES AND CONTACT LENSES

DE

LONDON DRUGS

2032 LONSDALE AVE..N.V.

-98

Polymar Kitchens is

Introducing,
the Anywhere

, Now you can gnil steaks indoors
anywhere you want to

It doesn't matter whether you live
in an apartment
floor of a high rise

With the new Ventless Grill Range
trom Jenn Air
pulled down inside the
removed by our new Electron Air
Cleaning System

bebe ve a

=a jenn-Air. The finest cooking system ever created.

POLYMAR

KITCHENS & BATHROOMS
156 W. 3rd St.. N.V.

986-3111 or 987-5012

A ALWAYS QUALITY ATA REASONABLE PRICE |

We call it our Anywhere Jenn Aur
Because that’s where it lets you gril
Anywhere

Only Jenn Atr has this new Ventless
Corll Range

It gives you all the versatility of our
regular vented ranges indoor
grilling selective use convec

bon radiant oven, convertible cook
Lop ¢ artnidges and all the rest
Yet uo needs no venting to the out
side Or even a hood A simple
clectre alconne ton ts all you anced
Come in fora demonstrahon of the
new Anywhere Jenn A today
Bectuse you rcally bave ta see it te

. a condo or the 47th

smoke and grease are
range and