LIFESTYLES

Job search
can lead

fo new

DEAR MISS MANNERS — We are a group of profes-
sional women in our mid-30s with a delicate question to

pose.

An extensive job search has
given one of us the opportunity to
meet a number of interesting men
and women, whom we wish to in-
clude in our social circle. At the
conclusion of her search, is there
@ gracious way to extend social
invitations to them? I'm assum-
ing, of course, that she would not
be joining the organization to
which they belong.

GENTLE READER — Know-
ing that this is an age of direct-
ness, Miss Manners begs you
nevertheless to inject some sur-
prise into the announcement that
a job search has yielded social
opportunities. You don’t want
these people wondering in which
magazine it was suggested that
professional women could enlarge
their social horizons by pretending
to be hunting for a job.

Besides, delight at discovering
an interesting individual acciden-
tally, when socializing was the
furthest thing from your mind, is
flattering to the person who
overwhelmed you. It would be
charming to write or call and say:
“One of the reasons I was sorry I
didn’t accept your offer was that I
found our talks so stimulating.
Now that I'm happily settled in
my new job, I wonder if you
would like to join me at a small
gathering we're having, so we can
get to know one another social-
ly.””

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
My wife and I recently held an in-
formal dinner for seven neighbors,
including one couple we had met
only once before. Witen the new
couple had still not arrived 90
minutes after the appointed time,
I called them.

The wife apologized, saying
they had decided to drop by only
for dessert later on, but had been
too busy sending fax messages
overseas to let us know.

When they finally arrived, the

friends

Judith
Martin

MISS MANNERS

husband began a monologue of

racial-sexual jokes of a sort I
hadn't heard since the caddie yard
30 years ago.

We differ over what we should
have done. I regret not telling the
wife to come on some future oc-
casion when they were less busy,
or, failing that, telling the hus-
band his jokes weren’t welcome .

My wife believes that either ac-
tion would have violated Miss
Manners’ admonition against crit-
icizing others’ etiquette.

GENTLE READER — It does
not strike Miss Manners that these
neighbors exhibited any etiquette.

It would, indeed, have been
better to head them off at the first
sign that they had no interest in
other peoples’ feelings.

Although Miss Manners strictly
admonishes against fighting
rudeness with rudeness, she does
not leave the victims utterly
defenceless. A cold reply of ‘‘So
sorry — but we don’t know how
late we'll be, so let’s just skip it
altogether this time’? would have
been acceptable under the cir-
cumstances.

Help’s at hand

HELP’S AT Hand, a_ weekly
feature by North Shore Com-
munity Services, answers questions
about and discusses such topics as
government policies and pro-
grams, benefits, consumer and
legal rights, taxation and public
services.

Answers published in this coi-
umn are intended only as a gener-
al guide and should not be applied
to specific individual cases without
further consultation.

zee

Question: I) pay room = and
board to my landlady and do
some odd jobs around the place
so that I don't have to pay as
much rent, but | still find it hard
to make ends meet on my pen-
sion. Would I be cligible for
SAFER to help me with my rent?

Answer: The answer is yes, if
you are age 60 or over and your
rent is more than 30 per cent of
your income. When you pay room
and board together, for the pur-
poses of SAFER calculation, the
rent portion is determined as half
of the total paid for room and
board. What, you pay for board,
which might include meals and
other housekeeping arrangements,
is not considered as rent.

Hf your rent is reduced because
you do some--handyman work,

you can add the value of your
work to the amount you pay in
rent. So if you do five hours of
work and that work is worth $10
per hour, you can add $50 to the
amount you put down as rent on
your SAFER application form as
long as the amount you charge for
work is the same amount you
have declared as income when you
filed your income tax return. Ref-
erences may be checked when you
apply for SAFER.

For those who are not already
aware of it, SAFER is a provincial
government program which pro-
vides assistance to low income el-
derly renters whose rent is 30 per
cent or more of their income. If
you or your spouse are over the
age of 60 and think you may be
eligible you can call SAFER at
682-0391 or call our office, North
Shore Community Services, and
Margot Kiss, seniors’ legal infor-
mation counsellor, will answer
your questions or help you with
your application.

week

North Shore Community Ser-
vices, a United Way agency, is
located at 1060 Roosevelt’ Cres.,
North Vancouver, B.C. V7P IM3,
telephone 985-7138. This column
is prepared with financial
assistance from the Notary Foun-
dation.

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