_. QUESTION: You hear
about parents who have their

“favourite” children. Well,

my father had his favourite
on — and it was not me. He
early worshipped my
brother who was 14 months -
ounger than I was. He was
quite open about it and let.
“everyone, Including me,
.’ know that he had a favourite

QUESTION: What bothers
me is a thing we joke about
‘in our family. My husband
‘and I banter about it, and yet
it really bothers me. Bill is a
“birdwatcher” (which means
he is a pretty active woman-
ogler.) If we are walking
along the street, he quite
openly enjoys the “sights”
and talks about them to me.
He'll say, “Boy, look at those
long legs,” or: “Did you see
her hair?” He'll also com-
ment happily about the
various other attributes of
any woman who catches his
eye. He does this sort of
thing a lot and perhaps that's
why it bothers me. I have no
reason to think he fs not true
to me, but at times I am

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
forappotniments for individual. family or group counselling. His new
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the
convemence of North Shore residents

son. Why he was like that ts

uot important. The thing ts

that as we got a little older, I
gradually got into hating my
brother. This continued til I
left home.

Since that time, which is
nearly twenty years ago, we
have had very little contact.
1 ignore him and he ignores
me. Both of us have talked to

worried that this thing fs a
sexual obsession with him
and that if I were not there
with him, ft wo become
some sort of action rather
than just observing and
enjoying. Do you think I am
being too touchy, or do you
think he fs a little kinky?
STEWART: Perhaps he is
kinky and perhaps you are
touchy. We have been
conditioned for centuries to
view our sexual interests as
naughty, and therefore, of
course, the human body as
something that should not be
seen let alone commented
on ih public. If we- were to
allow ourselves to be more
open and natural about the
beauties and attractions of

arriers be

,

people about our dislike for
each other. It’s just like a
family feud, except we never
get together to battle things
out. Now I am seeing that I
just got myself into a hate-
rut and have continued It
without having any _ real
reason for it. I suppose my
brother is just as decent a
guy as I am. There is really

our fellow human beings,
female or male, there would
be less danger of such in-
terests becoming what you
call sexual obsessions. When

_ we see a beautiful flower or a

shimmering brook, or a very
special car, or building, we
draw each other's attention
to what attracts us and do all
sorts ‘of oohs and ahs and
perhaps even take some
pictures. But when a woman
walks into our view, it seems
that we must avert our eyes
and look the other way and
pretend she has not walked
by. We are a bit strange,
a .
aren't we? I do not hesitate
to add however, that if the
flower-watcher, or brook-
watcher or building-watcher

Right mate needs ‘right’ you

QUESTION: Why do the
wrong people get married?
My wife is just not the right
person for me. Now what?

STEWART: If you'll forgive
& quote, let me pass on to

you this gem. “Success in
Marriage is not so much in
finding the right person as in
BEING the right person.”

Your marriage may NOT be
“mght” for you two, but

youll only find out for sure,
by your becoming your own
“right person”. Some day
you'll do that, whether you
are married or not. So why
not now? It’s a thought.

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not a shred of reason a for us
to carry on like this for

another twenty years. Ii he —

ever gets in touch with me, I
think I would like to try to
set things right with him.
But, as I say, I never hear
from him. And even if I did,
he'd probably laugh at me or
tell me to get lost. I would
really Ifke it to be settled.
What can be done?

STEWART: Don't wait for
him. You are the one who
has had the idea and you are
the one who wants to do
something about it — so get
it on the road. Let him know
that you feel you have been
foolish the way you have
related and that you'd really
like to be friends. Don’t talk

Obsessions are a bit kinky

or bird-watcher, continually
talks about his attractions
and is obsessed by his
particular interest and uses
an overdose of energy in
perusing it, then he becomes
a bore who tends to insist
that others share his quirk
beyond the call of duty.
Women AND men, by the
thousands, are indeed,
attractive. So let's feel free
to enjoy them and be
grateful for them and talk
about them, recognizing
however, that it is a nuisance
to others and more
especially to ourselves, if we
aliow our natural interests to
become boring and ob-
sessive barricades against
our total fulfilment.

DRAPERY FABRICS
INTRODUCTORY

C13-Sunday News, October 5, 1980

about HIS part in it. Don’t
say that HE has been foolish
just look after your own
part in it. And be sure you
don't blame yourdad’s ap-
parent favouritism. That
may have prompted the
whole thing years ago, but it
is not important now. You
two have had a wall up
between you, and as far as
you are concerned you are
willing and ready to remove

‘it. If that’s the way you feel,

veen brothers

let your brother know. His
reaction may not please you,
or, it might be very
rewarding. The result is not
the most important thing
however. The most im-
portant thing has to do with
how you feel about your
brother and what you do
about it. Forget the blame
and forget trying for analysis
af what happened. Just BE
the change you. want to see
happen NOW.

——

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