LIKE MOST siblings, six-year- old Celina and her three-year- old sister Tara don’t always get along. By Karen Mason Contributing Writer Lately though, more and more of their disagreements seem to include yelling and name-calling. It's called “unfair fighting’ and ihe girls’ mother Keira Zaslove says it’s a tendency she wants to nip in the bud. Zaslove believes that teaching her children how to deal with conflict early in life will help them commu- nicate better. with each other, and with her, resulting in a closer-knit family-unit. .“T want my family to be able to talk, not distance themselves from éach other,” she says. “When I was growing up, we lived in the same house, but it was like we didn’t live in the same house, I want to stay con- nected and have my kids talk to me.” . Zaslove was one of about a dozen people who came.to North Shore Neighbourhood House recently to get some tips on How to Cope with _ Family Arguments. The session was sponsored by Neighbourhood House and Chester- field House, and the premise behind it. was simple. Whether it’s toddlers fighting over a toy, a teenager strug- gling with mom or dad over curfew, - or two parents trying to compromise on disciplinary measures, all families argue. . The problem,. say organizers of the session, is that, many of them don't know how to resolve conflicts, That. can often lead to violence, ‘whether it’s of the physical kind or what. Lenore Rosen of Chesterfield. : House calls “soft violence.” “Maybe. there aren't punches. ; Christmas Trimmings ‘Decorate Your Home Now 50 ote sugg. retail aglas .Decor Horizontals Lightlines Horizontals . Verticals offer ends Dec. A SHADE BETTER WINDOW COVERINGS 117-949 W. 3rd. N. Van (behind Capilano Mall) 984-4101 30/94 being thrown.” she said. “But if you call ine stupid ora slut ora biteh or lazy, that’s pretty violent. [t's a dit ferent kind of violence, but it's cer- lainly going to hurt me. It certainly isn’t productive in resolving a differ- ence between the two of us.” The goal of the session, according to Rosen, was to provide people with some basic skills for dealing with family conflict. “People argue and fight because they don’t know what else to do,” she said, During the session, participants were asked to think about how their families deal with conflict. Most admitted they don't always fight fair- ly. Session coordinator Nancy Iliffe said that’s because most people have never learned how. The key to solving conflicts fairly, says Miffe, lies in learning to communicate; being pre- pared to listen, and to provide the other party or parties to the conflict space to express their feelings. According to Iliffe, if family members can learn to do this instead of falling back on the old habits of blaming and hurting each other, they can work together to clarify prob- lems and explore solutions, even if, in the end, they just agree to dis- agree, It sounds like a logical, less hurt- ful way to cope with arguments. But at the end of the session, it was clear that not all the participants were con- vinced it’s possible. Sandy and her husband Ed came to the session with their 14-year-old daughter Coby, With two more chil- dren at home, Sandy said the family has its share of conflicts, and she’s always looking fer better tools in dealing with them. Both she and Ed agree the ideas raised at the session were good ones, ~ but neither is convinced they're ones _ they could immediately start using at home. “How the hell do you imple- ment them after so many years” of doing things differently, wondered Ed. Call Chesterfield House at 985- 1364, Emily Murphy House at 929- 2414 or North Shore Family Services at 988-5281. BUSAN ae RO geere LTE she ae Enter to Sm Se a 9 Lives 3/99€ 156 g Win Homeward Bound, the video donated by 1644 Bridgman Ave. (south of Marine Dr. by AN + Canada Trust) * North Vancouver e 983-2706 9 Lives 3071 Woodbine Edgemont Village North Vancouver . 984-7888 claynitee motorists. Ask ced prod on Free Discount Protection, the Roat package, and Replacement | Cost Policy East Seymour Fawcett insurance Agency 106-1169 Mt. Seymour Rd 929-3494 Lynn Valley Lynn Valley Insurance 3171 Mountain Hwy 984-4515 Lonsdale Lonsdale Insurance Brokers 1925 Lonsdale Ave. 986-9599 Lonsdale Davis insurance Agencies 142 West 15th St. 980-3655 Lower Lonsdale Defieux Saxelby Insurance Services 105-200 W. Esplanade 986-5265 Edgemont Village Sussex Insurance Services 3053 Edgemont Blvd. 988-6337 Edgemont Village Vancouver General Insurance Agency 3066 Edgemont Blvd. 985-7404 West Vancouver Otto & Associates Insurance Agency 2448 Marine Drive 922-6932