Doug Collins ON THE OTHER HAND MYTHS ARE the order of today’s world. And there are many myths about Britain, “An Englishman's home is his castle” being one of them. For social workers in the U.K. have been known to drag screnm- ing kids from parents false- ly accused of child abuse. Is it still “Merrie England?" Well, lots of people may still be laughing. But anyone reading a book called The Mad Officials, by two Sunday Telegraph journalists will get a view of England that will appall them. I picked it up on my recent trip and got a look at the horrors being perpetrated by public servants. And we are not immune from such things here in Canada. Much of the the trouble results from the link with the European Economic Community, forged by Prime Minister Edward Heath in (972, which was supposed to be no more than a step toward free trade. But it has turned out to be a monster. British sovereignty is threat- ened. New regulations have streamed out by the thousand from Brussels. But others are home grown and part of a barrage of idi- ouic hygiene and environmental laws. The small British businessman must feel like a gladiator caught in a net in the Roman arena. Here are a few small examples. Environmental Health Officers tell hotel kitchen staff ata four- star hotel that to make a ham and tomato sandwich two knives must be used — one for the ham and one for the tomato, They don’t say which one should be used to cut the finished sandwich. A building control officer says a two-storey extension to an office building requires an elevator — just in case a disabled person makes a job application. The elevator costs £30,000 (over $60,000). Two years later it has never been used, but the owner of the building has to pay £1,000 a year for maintenance. Then there's the coffin story. A European directive limits the materials that can be used in coffins used for cremations, the idea being to “control air pollution from industrial plants” when the coffins are burned. The Spaniards take no notice of : the rule. So when Brits die in Spain and are shipped home in Spanish coffins the poor stiffs have to be “de-coffined” and then re-coffined. The Spanish products are then “taken out back and put on a bon- fire,” air pollution or no air pollu- tion. And that’s perfectly legal. In Trent, the owner of the most successful pub is taken to court on 33 criminal charges under the Food Safety Act. The charges include not having a nailbrush on a handbasin, keep- ing dead flies in “a device for killing insects,” and not having the Call DEREK A. CAVE Trial Lawyer Get the settlement 100 Park Royal West Van. you deserve. #508, Kapilano 100 Building _ lime Is sas lid on a rubbish bin. (The bin was in use when the health officer called.) The penalty on each charge could be fines of up to £5,000 and two years in the clink. The villagers were up in arms, “Halfthe houses here have been broken into and robbed,” said one. “Yet the only person we see receiving the might of the | law is a man earning an honest living.” Sounds familar. In Bolton, a young female health officer strode into a bakery announcing arrogantly: “Eve got the power to close down business- es like this.” The authors point out that most such officials have paper qualifi- cations but no practical experi- ence, Thus a dog breeder was ordered to creasote the insides of his dog kennels. “And to whom shall we send the claim?" he asked. “What chaiar? asked the enviro- cop. "The claint for the vet's fees Beach Front Condos From $69,000 $4,000 Gown 0.A.C. * Investment * Recreation * Furnished « Managed * ik. Okanagan © SKI APEX 35 min. ° Golf 2 min. Studios, 1, 2,3 barms TW Shoves / Realty World/Hong Kong Bank of Canada CALL NOW 298-1 079 after the dogs have died of cre- osote poisoning.” came the reply. Such cases are amusing in their way. But the reach of the “mad officials” is not. Hundreds of abattoirs and butchers’ shops have been closed down to comply with Brussels’ rulings, And under a crazy quota system, English fishermen see the Spaniards and French making off with mast of their fish. Perhaps most shocking of all yas the false “salmonella” scare. Officiaidom's blind stupidity led to 3.5 million chickens being slaughtered and more than 5,000 producers being put out of busi- ness for no gain whatsoever. As we were feaving England there was more news: “Euro rule will rip the heart out of U.K. let- tuce industry,” read the headline. But the star item was an EC demand that in future, only straight bananas could be sold. The mad officials were at it again, Assistance available Frau page 3 lifetime of alcohol abuse. 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