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51 - Wednesday, April 11, 1990 - North Shore News

After 25 years
..Wwho cares?

QL LOVE my site very much. Our 25th wedding anniver-
sary Is coming xeon and our daughters arc planning a big
party. However, something is bothering me.

She wasn't + virgin witea we gol
married. After fess than « week of
courthip we had vex. Ve that dime,
she confided to cae that he'd been
with other men. cher the yeurs I
have (ried to torgive use. but as
time goes by, ber punt bothers mc
more and more,

:
|

ask
Dr. Ruth

Dr. Ruth Westheimer

CORE SS eae

T’s gutten to the point where 1
don’t cven trust her when she gocs
shozping alone. I can’t stop think-
jug about her past. Please give me
some advice.

A. My advice to you is: Keep
your mouth shut! Don’t spoil a
wonderful relationship over some-
thing that was done 25 or more
years ago. To poison the at-
mosphere over something that
happened so long ago is very sad. {
Suggest you see a phsychotherapist
and discuss what is really happen-
ing.

Maybe you are worzied about
your own aging. Maybe you are
jealous because you had no other
sexual encounters. Discuss these
things and tay them to rest with a
psychotherapisi before you spoil
your marriage.

Q. Lam a 25-year-old gay male.

Shace Che age ol 8, E have kaowa E
was yay. Fo ohave never had or
desired to have sex sith we woman,

Recenth fo have become friends
with a delightful girl, Everything
we do together is wosderful, ex
cept, of caturse, there is ne sex be-
tween ius, She knows Egat gay but
she toves me dng feels that in tine
Pimay change.

She “arts to marry me and have
my child, even if it tas to be ue.
complished theough artificial in-
semination, My question is this:
Can such o marriage woek? And is
she right — might [ someday be
changed by her tove?

A. This is a very serious ques-
tion. I could sever answer it fully
in a newspaper column. If you and
she were sitting in my office, {
would ask you many cuestions.

For example, | would ask if you
can become aroused by fantasizing
making love to a weman. | wouid
have to ask many detailed ques-
tions about your fantasies and
your abitity to becume aroused by
a woman,

If all the answers are ‘‘no”’ and
you can only berne aroused by
men, there are siiil other issues to
consider. Artificial insemination is
certainly possible. But will you be
celibate? Will she?

I wouldn't be the one to say you
cannot be happy together. But I
would ask, ‘‘How is this woman
going to be satisfied without a sex
life with her husband?

Gn average, how many
women does the average male have
intercourse with in a fifetime —
excluding prostitutes? And how
many men does the average female
have intercourse with?

A. 1 do not believe there is an
average figure for the number of
sexual partners either men or
women have in a fifetime. Are you
trying to live up to the norm? Or
are you worried about having more
partners than your partner has
had? Stop counting! Good sex is
not achieved through numbers.

YOUR FABRIC SUPERSTORE

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FABRIC PAINT

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LIFESTYLES

NEWS photo Terry Peters

NORTH VANCOUVER Grade 2 stadent Sarah Yacoback, along with Successful Living Ine, area manager
Joy Siemens, holds her prize winning coloring contest entry in front of her school mates at the New Life

Christian school.

Collingwood School holds fair

COLLINGWOOD SCHOOL’S Fifth Annual Country
Fair Sat. April 28 marks the public debut for the
private school’s new and expanded facilities.

The popular midway will be held in the new gym-
nasium in the Senior School building, known as the
Parent’s Wing. Other attractions wil! be showcased in
the original school building — rechristened the
Founder’s Wing. If the weather co-operates, some ac-

SALE STARTS THURS. 10AM CONT. SAT. & SUN.

OUR FINEST SYNTHETIC DUVET

tivities will take place outside on the school grounds.

The Fair is a traditional springtime day of fun, en
games and shopping for the entire family.

A country kitchen, home baking and international
foods wiil satisfy the hungry. Arts and crafts will be
available for both purchase and perusal. And for
relaxation, the tea room wil feature entertainment by
Collingwood’s nationally renowned choir.

For more information call the school at 925-3331.

C

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