get this straight

by Doug Collins
Too good to be true

E WHO MUCK AROUND in the media
. Suffer a lot. We are always being told, for
instance, that we deliver nothing but bad

news. Anyone would think we invented the stuff,
instead of which it’s all your fault. You chop up
your wives, poison your husbands, cheat little old
ladies out of their savings, and then blame us for

giving you a headache.

But that’s not really the
item. The item is that if you
don’t like bad news, you have
to switch to a good news
newspaper. I’ve discovered
one, and you can even get it
for nothing. Which is good
news, in itself. Anyway, the
name of this splendid pub-
lication is the British Colum-
bia Government News, and |
could hardly believe my luck
when a copy was shoved
through the front door. Only
the impending departure of
that man in Ottawa made
better news than the offerings
in this revolutionary sheet.

Although there‘s such a
thing as restraint § there’s
nothing to worry about if
you’re an employee of the
Good News News, as we have
dubbed this happy paper in
our house. You’ll have a job
for life. Which is only right,
when you think about it.
Otherwise, you might as well
have been on the staff of
some of the public prints I
have worked for, many of
which went belly up, ‘they
having been run by bad news
news editors.

That’s why I didn’t expect

to see restraint mentioned at
all in the Good News News,
restraint having, shall we say,
slightly gloomy connota-
tions. But the toilers on the:
GNN are nothing if not bold,
and they faced the issue
squarely. The ‘‘line’’ story on
the front page, for example,
read: ‘‘Restraint Pledge
Kept.’’ Other uplifting
‘*heads’’ on the same page
were: ‘‘Historic Spending
Reduction’? and ‘‘Break-
through For Province.’’ |
searched hard for some direct
mention of the increase in the
provincial tax from 44 to
47:52 per cent, but in vain.
Then I remembered that
good news newspapers don’t
spoil anyone’s day with that
sort of stuff.

Eager for more happiness,
we turn the page and are not
disappointed, thank good-
ness. ‘‘Good News For Pro-
perty Owners, Business,’’ it
said right at the top. Part of
that good news was that the
hotel industry would now be
required to charge a flat
seven per cent room tax in-
stead of six per cent on one
sort of room and eight on

FOUND IN STORE

Two will

TWO MEN found inside a
North Vancouver store carly
Thursday were scheduled to
be charged in court this week.

The unidentified men, ag-
ed 19 and 20, were discovered
by police inside a store in the
100 block of West First
Avenue and taken into
custody

e Draperies

e Venetian
Blinds

e Vertical
Blinds

face court

The arrests were made
shortly after 3:30 a.m.
Few other details were

available to press time, pen-
ding the appearance of the
two in provincial court in
North Vancouver where
charges of breaking and
entering are expected to be
laid.

Blinds

e@ Roman
Shades

* In-Home Service *
BUDGET

BLINDS & DRAPERIES LTD.

733-8995

another. That simplifies the
bookkeeping, the Good News
news reporter informed us.
Good. Who could ask for
anything more?

The headline on page four
was really upbeat. ‘‘Budget
Stresses Health Care,’’ it
read. Way down-page, in the
small print, there was men-
tion of the ‘“‘health care
Maintenance surtax.”” But
not to worry. One gathered
that that tax was all the fault
of the feds. Besides, it would
be only temporary. Well, put
that down as good news/bad
news, which is the right way
to play such stuff. And that
tiny deviation from the norm
was more than offset by the
large type that read: ‘‘B.C.
Setting A Trend.’’ Reader’s
Digest could learn a lot from
this newspaper.

By this time you'll pro-
bably long for just a teeny bit
of genuinely bad news, like
“‘Trudeau Falls Off Peace
Tower,’’ or something like
that. Well, you’re not going
to find it in the GNN, com-
rade. Further cheering stuff
was ‘‘Education’ Emphasis
On Quality,’’ ‘‘Expo’s Going
To Be Great,’’ and ‘‘These
Are Exciting Times,’’ a quote
from the one and only Grace
McCarthy.

My apologies. There was
some bad news. right at the
back. ‘‘Ottawa Short-

Changing B.C.,’’ it read.
In the news business, you
can’t trust anyone.

Hearing
moved

THE DATE for the public
hearing dealing with the
Marine Drive Development
Permit designation has been
rescheduled to Monday,
March 26 at 7:30 p.m.

The hearing had been
originally scheduled = for
March 19

ANGELA

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rolling

RESIDENTS OF Lions Gate
Hospital’s Evergreen House
extended care unit have new
wheels — 428 of them.

The hospital’s Board of
Directors recently approved
the purchase of 107
wheelchairs at a cost of
almost $51,000. They - were
necessary for the 125 new
residents of the ECU’s exten-
sion, set for official opening
Saturday, April 14.

Madge Wiesman, LGH’s
director of Rehabilitation
Services, said the new chairs
are the best available in both

- comfort and durability — ex-

tremely important when in
use many hours every day.
But, she added, they are also
well priced.

‘‘These chairs incorporate
a die-cast aluminum hand-
wheel which is revolutionary
in the wheelchair in-
dustry,’’she said. ‘‘This
means they are lighter, more
compact and strong enough

who won?

Which male member of the
Canadian Ski Team won
two downhill races back to
back last year on
SALOMON Dindings?

TIME OUT |
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980-9211 880-0116
1199 Lynn Valley Road

MICHIE LF RHONDA

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i

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Wheelchairs
get LGH folk
again

_to stand up to a lot of wear
and tear.’”

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