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C8-Wednesday, August 13, 1980 - North Shore News

|_ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 -
for appointments for individual. family or group counselling. His new
office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the.
convenience of North Shore residents.

it’s no rose garden

QUESTION: What's going
on ia the mind of a man who
has been intimately related
with a young woman for
some months and then

enly says he wants to
see thé ‘lady less often and
wants to go out with other
women too. 'm the woman.
Our relationship has been
- great and in recent months it
has been getting better and
hetter. Then, out of the blue,
with no warning signs
whatsoever, he wants to.cool
it. What do you think is in his
mind?

STEWART: He MAY feel,
like you, that the
relationship has been great
and is getting better but that
he is not ready to let himself
go head-long into an all-out
involvement at the present
time. He MAY feel fearful
that he is being “swept off his

QUESTION: In one of your
letters you mentioned
“leaving a tip” at a
restaurant. I can't believe
that you approve of the
tipping system. Why do you
do it?

STEWART: You are right
about -‘me not feeling good
about the tipping system. I
think it is degrading and
tacky. Waiters and
waitresses have a_ very
important job and are in a
position to contribute vastly
to the popularity of the
restaurant, and thus, to the
income of the owners.

For these services, I feel
they should be adequatcly
paid and not forced to
depend on “tips” from their
customers.

Why then do | scem to
give my approval of the
system by taking part in it?
Because, if I don't do so, |
will be hurting the people

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feet” and wants to be more
sure that he is not merely
infatuated with you.

On the other hand, he may
feel that he simply does not
want the relationship to
continue and that the best
first move is to cool it some,
rather than telling you to get
lost in a way that would be
hurtful to you,

Perhaps neither of those
thoughts is in his mind, and
one of a thousand others is.
You and I just don’t know.

If you love him deeply, or
even if you just enjoy his
friendship, let him know you
feel that way and that you
will be very sad about going
along with his plan. But for
your own sake, (and also his)
do go along with his plan as
completely as you possibly
can. Don't give him a
moment of feeling that you
may try to hang on to him

who are depending on the
System, no matter how
demeaning the system may
seem to them. By refusing
tips, I hurt the waitress not
the person who is in a
position to put an end to the
shameful procedure. I don’t
like it, but I don’t know what
to do about it. What do YOU
do?

and that he may be trapped
in the relationship.

Some men are terrified of
being “caught” and hate the
feeling just as much as some
women hate being rejected.
He may be frightened
because the _relationshi
means as much to him as it
does. Assure him that he
need have no fear of your
clinging to him. You may
love himbut you are far less
likely to lose him if you Iet
him sense you are not going
to try to manipulate him. Try
not to ask him why he is
taking this way. And try not
to ask him “What’s wrong?”

Tell him you just hate the
idea, but you'll go along with
it, against your will, in order
to respect your love for him
as a free person.

As the book says,“T never
promised you a rose gar-
den.”

ipping is degrading

for more!

girl is outside playing, bet

i
z
i
tf

f
i
1f

The many malls
of Park Royal

offer you more!

More Ladies’ Fashion Stores! More Men's Fashion Shops!
More restaurants! More boutiques and specialty shops! The Bay,
Eaton's, Woodward's And More! The many mails of
Park Royal bring you over 175 shops and
services! When you go to Park Royal,
you really do go

offend oer new neighboers,
but we'd Eke to know a bit

more about what gocs on
over there.

STEWART: Id say the first
thing to do is invite your
neighbours to your house to
get acquainted with them.
After all, that is a nice thing
to do under any cir-
cumstances, but even more
so when your son its spending
so much time with them and
getting so many free meals.
First - get acquainted. They
may be lonely and quite
happy to have your son

nocent about the pot and not
charged with possession and
trafficking and contributing
to the delinquency of a
minor.

At that rate, you owe it to
them and your son and
yourselves to be good
neighbours and get to know
each other. You may find
something you don't like.
But that would be better
than just being mystified and
apprehensive. At least you
would then be in a position
to know what you would like
to do aboat it.

CARISBROOKE SCHOOL OF DANCING
MARION McMASTER, MISTD.. BB., LA.

177 East Carisbrooke, Nosth Vancouver

987-3814
Hnooanswer 987-9132

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237 E. 1st ST.,N.V. 987-9833

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