WHAT IS a family nowa-
days, anyway?

I had a glimpse tecently of how
untraditional my own family has
become when my son from my first
marriage introduced his second’
wife'to my second wife and our two
kids, his half brother and half sister.
. One of the main topics of dis-

“cussion, naturally, was my oldest
son’s daughter from his first mar-
riage, who is best friends with my
daughter from my second marriage.

They're about the same age. My
daughter, nine, still geis irritated
when my granddaughter, six, calls
me Grandpa. “He’s not your *

- Grandpa, He’s my Dad!”

, Although separated by just three
years, my daughter is my grand-
daughter's aunt.

« We also talked, at this little trib-
al gathering, abGut how my son’s
ex-wife; who is now with another
guy, had just had a baby boy, her
. second child, making that boy my
granddaughter s half brother, and
mee him my ... what? -

Technically, nothing, of course.

'. Yet I can't imagine relating to
my granddaughter for the rest ‘of
~-my life‘as.Grandpa Bob without
». being Grandpa Bob to her little
brother as well, even though we
won't share the surname.

“io AS a vague way of tracking
bloodlines, the family name is still

_ of some use, ‘at least for a while.
It’s like watching leaves swirling
/around in the wind. Some of them
“are from your tree, but soon you
can’t tell which i is which.

My oldest son’s new wife has
. retained her maiden name, as is the
"contemporary way sometimes.

His ex-wife has changed her ‘ast
name. That leaves my granddaugh-
‘ter with the tag Hunter, anda. ’.
daughter-in-law and ex- daughter-.

--in-law with different last names.

While our. gathering to meet my
-new daughter-in-law was Ahappen-
ing, we naturally exchanged notes
about other family members.

Two names that came up were
” that of my favorite cousin and my
- favorite nephew; thet is, the ones |
know best and with whom | have
had the most enduring relation-
ships.“

:. The odd fact is ‘that, in both ,

cases, they were adapted. So we

" really have no blood ‘relationship at ¢

“all. Yet they bear.the name Hunter
“as well, and, as fate would have it,
they have proven to be the ones I

Hunter

STRICTLY PERSONAL

feel closest to.
In a country as big and frag:
mented as this one, keeping track of

_your clan identity — if you can fig-

ure it out — is a bit like birdwatch-
ing, except, of course, that it’s done
with telephones.

In the grand scheme of things,
Pm sure it doesn’t matter a hoot.
It’s just an interesting feature of our
time and place.

But life in Canada near the end
of the 20th century seems to feature
an unprecedented number of decon-
siructed and reconstructed families.

- I'm not using the word “dys-
functional,” because that’s not what
we're talking about here.

Dysfunctionality is a situation
that exists prior to separation. The
whole point of the exercise of
divorce is to get to a state of happi-
ness. And if it takes a couple of

. tries, well, no blame. That’s just

learning for you.

‘Glory be to people who get it
right the first time. And for them,
the definition of a family remains
probably as simple as it ever was,
although with divorce rates of 50%,
it would be hard to find a traditional

“one-marriage family around today

that didn’t have in-laws or relatives
whose marital status has changed at

~ least once.

My own nontraditional famiiy
may be slightly more programmed
in the direction of dividing and
splintering because of the history of
migrations which Canada is all
about...

On my mother’s side, the
Gauvreau family moved to New
France two centuries ago and, much

aha’u’llah
(1817 - 1892)
“This is the Day, O my Lord, whose brightness
Thou hast exalted above the brightness of the
Sun and the splendors thereof. This is the Day
-.' whereon the hopeless have been clothed with
the raiment of confidence, and the sick attired

with the robe of healing, and the poor drawn
nigh unto the ocean of Thy riches”

Baha’is of West Vancouver will be celebrating
the 150th anniversary of the Declaration of the
Bab - and the birth of the Baha’i Faith.

doin them - Sunday, 22nd May at 8 pm
Klee Wyck, 200 Keith Road.

Baha’i
Faith

North Van 980-7898
West Van 921-3334"
Bookstore 731-8199

*Free copy of “Statement of Baha'u'llah”

later, paddled out from Quebee to
Manitoba, with my great-great-
grandfather picking up a Huron
wife along the way.

On the Hunter side, my grandfa-
ther came over from Ireland, even
though Hunter is a good Scotti’:
name.

About all Lcan see as a comman
thread is that we — my ancestors
und | — managed to avoid inbreed-
ing. Does that predispose us to ram-
bling, instability, confusion?

It might, of course. We might
just be the kind of people who have

- gotten so far out of touch with our

roots that staying together doesn't
have the same inherent value as it
has in tribal societies. Yet, you
know, it was a very happy, indeed
wonderful moment, this odd little
pod of Hunter folk getting together
to welcome a new member, even if
she was not sheltering under the
ancient clan name. _
Maybe it’s not that we've lost
the urge (o stay together, at least at
some level, in herds or flocks,
maybe it's just that we're still
mutating, agitating the collective
DNA pool, fumbling as a species
toward some evolutionary destiny,
We haven't got there yel. Bul so
what? Obviously, the game gocs
on. After all, within a matter of
days, [became a father-in-taw for
the second time, and a half=grandfa-
ther or grand-ex-father-in-law,
something like that, for the first f
time, :
Roles that really haven't been
worn out by usage yet, Something /
emotionally new to try on, to é
define. Life! Keeps comin’ at yay”
doesn’t it?

Live Piano Entertainment
nightly during dinner

Trio entertainment every
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9:30 pm until Midnight

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Vaid every Monday,
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Not valid on special holidays.
Not to be combined with
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Maximum Party of 4
Offer ends May 31, ‘94

DISCOUNT OFF MAIN COURSES
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4 ei

wa. mM ede en
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