34 — Wednesday, January 8, 1992 - North Shore News Q. I AM trying to overcome shyness with women. Dr. Ruth Westheimer ASK DR. RUTH I haven't had that much sexuai experience, and I want to be a better lover. How do 1 get better at sex without a partner? I am 21 and have no one now. “Sometimes 1 wonder if I’m alone because I'm noi sexually appealing to women. Mayte they can read my fack of confidence, all over my face. I do masturbate. Does mastur- bation have to be wasted time or could I be doing something that would develop my sexual skills as E satisfy myself? , A. It is the lack of confidence, not experience, that may be hur- ting you with some women. At your age, you could not expect to be as goud a lover as you will be in later life, but that doesn’t mean you have nothing to offer a woman now. You have sexual energy and en- thusiasm, tenderness and passion. Concentrate on what you have, not what you don’t have. Also, spend this time alone in reading about women and what pleases them sexually. Fantasize that you are satisfying a woman while you masturbate, and make each fantasy a different one. When you do have a partiier again, you can draw on some of those books and fantasies in pleasing her. Gocd luck! Q. 1 was born with inverted nipples. My doctor says there is Fitness classes great way to begin the day IT’S TIME to make a New Year’s resolution to get into shape. Rec- Centre Lonsda's has a fitness class that starts at !5 a.m. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The class is » ereat way to begin the day andh give part: inants energy to perf: -n all daily. sks. The pregrans is offered st the Mickey McDougall Centre. which is located one block east rec- . Centre Lonsdaie on east 23rd Street. Morag Town is the fitness instructor, For more information, call rec- Centre Lonsdale at 987-PLAY. It brings out _the best mall of us. of the Lower Mainland | LIFESTYLES Focus on energy, tenderness and passion nothing wrong with me, and my strange looking nipples won't burt me. f don’t Jike them! Fear of ex- posing them to ridicule did more to keep me chaste as a teenager than anything my mother told me about being a good girl. Now that i am 40 and newly divorced, 1 am facing the same fears about my nipples I had at 18. Will they turn a man off? Though they never bothered my husband, I can‘t believe many men would want to look at them. So, is it OK if I insist on wear- ing lingerie while 1 make love? Would a man find that strange? A. Most men are aroused by sexy lingerie. Many find it plea- surable to make love to a woman while she is wearing something lacy or filmy. If it makes you feel more com- fortable, why don’t you wear a silky teddy or other garment dur- ing lovemaking with a new part- ner? I don't see any harm in casing the transition into a new sexual relationship this way, but even- tually a man will expect to see you undressed. You will probably discover that he’s as accepting of your nipples as he is the rest of your body. You say they haven’t bothered anyone but you, have they? Relax! Most women who find themselves suddenly single at 40 are worried about a new man see- ing their bodies. Q. I Know my husband and I have 2 serious problem, though he won't admit we do. I've always heard of frigid women. Is there such a thing as frigid men? We ure both in our early 30s, married for five years. We have sex once eve months, if that. He Knows its OK, but I don’t. He very much wants a child and says if I will stop taking the pil, wet have sex more often until I cu ve. I have refused, because I think getting pregnant under the circumstances would be foolish. Is it a good idea to have a baby when your marriage isn’t that great? I can’t sce how a baby would make our sex life better. 1 don’t know what to do. I’ve tried all the advice on improving your marriage. Don’t tell me ta try moraing sex because he doesn’t want me any more in the morning than he does at night. Is it possible that getting me pregnant would make him feel like a man — and thus sexier? A. I am not going to suggest you try morning sex. That is ad- vice for people who can’t agree on the time of day to make love. 1 want you to talk to a counsel- or right now. There is something very wrong in your marriage if he doesn't want sex any more often than six times a year! You are absolutely right in believing a baby won't make things better. Don’t get pregnant. 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