Parenting is a ct WHEN I first began teaching over 20 years ago, I used to make a lot of contact with my students. I'm not talking 2bout the seedy kind of contact that has everyone so paranoid these days, but just some simple hand-on-the-shoul- der, and headlock and noo- gie (rubbing knuckles gently over the top of the head) kind of stuff. 1 also played a lot of sports with them, and gave and took the physical con- tact that seemed to get exaggerated with adoles- cents. The kids liked it, taking the occasiona! shot at the teacher, and I liked it as well, because it changed our relationship from the for- mally standoffish mode to the in-your-face mode. They respected me a lor ~ faster when they played with me than they did when they simply had to sit and listen to me. As a dad, I have noticed my own sons enjoy the same contact. They have always liked to “wrestle” with Dad and now have begun to challenge me much more aggressively in sports. Perhaps my greying hair is the visual equivalent of blood in the water to_these sport sharks, so recently they have been pushing me _- to. compete with them. . Arm-wrestling, running, -bike racing, wrestling, jump- ing over obstacles — you name it, they’re anxious to Parental Guidance see me do my best in the hopes they can do better. And of course, it allows them to contact me in a socially acceptable manner without having to feel like a baby. Putting my arm around their shoulder after a wrestling match or after playing some one-on-one basketball is very sociably acceptable, even in the eves of their friends. Somewhere along the way, as parents, we devel- oped the fear that too many adults were potential child- abusers. We taught our children to fear touching by strangers and we created the notion of personal space that did Pea Sa PT oe ALTO EET 8 RAS TSO LIPO a not allow anyone to make contact without fear of legal retribution. [In many ways, we cut our children off trom the very social contact that gives them confort. even making them nervous around rela- tives. Some of this paranoia may be justified in families where abuse has occurred. Still, the human touch is a vital clement of social behaviour and a comfort to many children. If we create anxiety in our children to avoid the touch of others, then the least we can do is make sure that we supplement them with plenty of contact of our own, Whether it’s a “hug-a- day” for little ones or a pick-and-slicde for older ones, making that physical connection is important. Lam often surprised, when Iam sitting on the couch or lying on the floor, how one of my children ends up in some position that maintains contact. It might be a foot against “AaTIVE JEWELLERY WeebinG RINGS” 441 West 3rd Street, North Vancouver 988-9215 ttact spd my leg, a hand against my side or simply leaning against me somehow. It’s never done overtly, but it’s done regularly enough for me to under- stand that they still need that contact, regardless of how old they are getting. I saw an article on the Internet recently which showed two newborn babies lying together, one with her arm draped over the other. The accompanying story told of how they were pre- mature wins and one was not doing very well. A hospital nurse put them together and the stronger of the two some- how placed her arm over the other. Almost immediately, the weaker twin’s heartbeat sta- bilized and her temperature rose, It ended by suggesting we not underestimate the importance of touching those we love. Graham Hookey is the author of Parenting Is A Team Sport. Contact him at Correction Notice In our 8-3 Shopping is Good flyer, Lizwear “Essentiais” red leather jacket and “Animal Magnetism” shell on page 41 and Haggar for her separates on page 44 ase not available in petites. Nygard Sport black jeans on page 42 are late - rainchecks available at the store. In our ToGo/Mantles flyer, ToGo coffee press, milk frother, bread box and pepper mills on pages 16 and 17 are late - substitution will be made at the. store. Mantles chunky cable sweater on page 24 is regular $65.00; sale price is $47.99. Turtleneck, v-neck tunic and rolled crewneck sweaters on page 25. are not available in petites. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused. Seooeosessesseecevacne HGH STARK SM MAC Authors of “DOMESTIC CONTRACTS" KIRSTIE risk A book on marriage and separation agreements 682-4999 #602-1166 Alberni St. Vancouver FAMILY LAW MEDIATION KID’S BLEST Every Saturday Morning 9:00am - 11:50am Ages 8- 14 years only Drop off your kids & go do your errands! 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