58 - Sunday, December 20, 1987 - North Shore News ck IR ET A Grandma on fixed inceme has a gitt-buying dilemma DEAR MISS MANNERS — It has been my custom through the years to give gifts to all my grandchildren at Christmas and birthdzys. When the little ones came along, I omitted the parents’ birthdays and gave presents to both parents and Lifestyles children at Christmas. Now, being on a fixed income, 1! find it harder and harder to buy gifts, and } was wondering about omitting gifts for the parents and only giving to the little ones. But one of my children has no children, and it seems cruel to cut this couple out entirely, GENTLE READER — Indeed, it does. What about a present for each household, of something they can all enjoy? The edible comes to _ mind, as it always seems io at this time of year, bit perhaps some- thing like a family photograph album or a copy of a very old fam- ily picture could be enjoyed by both generation:. DEAR MISS MANNERS — Is there a gentle way to disengage from the slow and stately Christmas dance? . I would like to stop sending cards to those pecple who include no notes, and those whose cards conjure up no mental image. This “-*s an appropriate time for me to do this, since I only answered Christmas notes last year, follow- ing my wife’s death, and since I don’t like to reveal the shakiness of my handwriting. GENTLE READER — Never mind your handwriting. It should not deprive those who are ple ised to hear from you of your anual, greeting. ve if _ .However, those who hve als been trying in vain all thése yeays to conjure up your imaze..-and those to whom the custom is a mere exchange of names, may be relieved if you drop them. A few may give you a year’s grace, but the rules of what you describe as the dance are that two years of silence must be respected, so Miss Manners suggests that you sit this one out. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I believe [ have what could be con- sidered a@ modern probiem. It is that I am occasionally mistaken for a member of the opposite sex. Since this error is made by Strangers, I think they are not aware of my qualifications and have conferred this honor upon an undeserving recipient. {am a college-age woman who miss manners by Judith Martin strives to behave in a genteel man- ner. [t may be through my ap- pearance that I unwittingly deceive these people. I dress in the uniform of youth: jeans, running shoes, oversized jacket, I wear no make- up and my hair is cut short. Since ] am not about to change my appearance, would Miss Man- hers please suggest a kind way to correct these people who make such mistakes? » | know that the reply to ‘Are you a boy or a girt?”’ should be silence or, if one wants to be rude, “‘None of your business,’’ But how does one correct a salesperson who says, ‘‘May I help you, young man?”’ . I would appreciate a general rule to remember since I'm surprised by the ways in which these errors of identification become apparent. ft HOLIDAY FESTIVITIES Join in Xmas skate RING IN the holiday season with Santa and his elves Monday, Dec. ' 21 frem 7 to 9 p.m. as Karen Magnussen Recreation Centre hosts an old-fashioned Christmas skating party. Holiday festivities will include skating, singing along with carollers on the ice and warming up with free hot apple cider. There will be candy canes for children : a YOUR ouscK OTL CHARBE CENTIO. ” eens <> Wh cninaeel | Bring in this and, as a special treat, a horse and sleigh will give sleigh rides around the facility. All activities are included in the regular skating admission. Partici- pants can bring a gift of non- perishable food and help fill the centre’s food hampers. For further information contact Karen Magnussen Arena, 937 Lynn Valley Rd., 984-9341. YOUR QUICK OIL CHANGE CENTRE ENT NECESSARY ad for $3.00 off. LONSDALE SHELL RAPID LUBE Lonsdale at 18th , 987-7233 3 , Tai Tete te eee ee et ee te ae ee ee ea ee Sn... a may seem a minor point in a world troubled by the correct serving of yogurt, but I am bewildered by it. Miss Manners, I want to do the ripht thing. Can you help me? GENTLE READER — Without questioning your predilection for wearing what you call the uniform of youth, Miss Manners would like to point out that you have omit- ted from your appearance any clues as to your gender. But as strangers are often ad- dressed in a gender-related form (“Sir,”’ “Madam,” ‘‘Miss,’’ etc.), people who need to talk to you may well request the information or blunder in guessing. (People who don’t need to talk to you, such as strangers calling out com- ments in the street, should indeed be ignored.) When there are no non-visual cluds provided — such as your name or your voice, although those are not always gender- distinct, either — wouldn’t it be possible for you either to ignore a mistaken reference ‘or to say, “ Actually, I’m not a young man’’? DEAR MISS MANNERS — For my own peace, tell me if I was right ‘or wrong in this incident during my first performance as an honorary hostess last summer, Or doesn’t it matter anymore? Everything else went well, but this keeps coming back to mind. I was entertaining five ladies in my living room. Only one we a senior citizen; the others’ were about 25 to 35 years old. I offered lemonade, and everyone accepted. On returning with the tray, I entered between two of the younger ladies, one of whom was already in motion to receive her glass, Out of respect,I gave her a quick, sweet smile and proceeded to serve the elderly lady first. Should 1 feel bad for being rude? Or should she? GENTLE READER — If you were drinking lemonade, the stat- ute of limitations has passed, and it doesn’t matter anymore. Winter is no tinie to go around feeling bad about summer. But, since you ask, your error, which, however sweetly, pointed out a‘guest’s error, was greater than the inadvertent error of that guest in assuming that the tray was being passed to her. FOOD WASTE DISPOSER grinds up food waste and flushes it safely down the drain. Make wet garbage handling amemory with a powerful KitchenAid food waste disposer Only KitchenAid has the Wham dam Breaker to oreak up the toughest food jams. SEE KitchenAict. Buy WoTH CONFIDENCE iF YOU FINO TAD REFUND ALE FOE DIFFERENCE LONY HOME FURNISHINGS _ Warehouse/Showroom OPEN TO THE PUBLIC {2 blks. behind the Avalon; m at 1075 Roosevelt Cres.. N.Van B 124 sun 000-8738 f ‘ NEWS photo Terry Peters LINDA KENNEDY (left), Steve Tomecek, Anya Varda and Teresa Mark are getting set to host a speciai Christmas dinner for people facing a bleak Christmas. Heather Varda and brother William (front) want kids to know they are welcome, too. Christmas dinner slated NORTH SHORE residents whose Christmas might be less than festive are invited to a special Christmas dinner with all the trimmings in Lynn Valley Dec. 24. Santa Claus, of course, will be on hand to hand out gifts for the children. “Last year was a huge success with approximately 130 people,” explained Anya Varda, who is again this year organizing the free Christmas dinner event. Served at the dinner again this year will be turkey, yams, mashed potatoes, vegetables and. an assortment of desserts. Everyone is welcome, said Varda. Seating is limited, and all inter- ested people need to make a reser- vation. . The Christmas dinner is set to begin at 6:30 p.m. at the New Life . Christian Centre at 2800 Mountain Hwy. in North Vancouver. ‘‘And it’s all free.” For reservation details or fer more information, call Varda at 929-1517. (LIGHTING 4600 East Hastings. Burnaby Tel. 299-0666 A WHOLESALE & R ETAIL—FREE CATALOGUES AVAILABLE] . SELATAN