C6-Wednesday, Fuly 23, 1980 - North Shore News “things: I want and it's herd t to list what I DO want. I don’t want to give you my list, but I'll give you one. example, I've got on “Fede really” WANT ~ instead of things I DONT want? STEWART: Your list of ~ a+ te We QUES ON: cousin ; - a widow. 66 years old - “who. Will , be - “alone. this summer, ° , Her> companion will: “be. “away. : She* doesn’t . drive i ‘@ .ca¥-and,. of: course, will not be able to get around much. We’ re wondering if it is fair for us to. go olf on holidays and leave ‘her:to’ shift for herself. Perhaps we: should stay-around:and.care for her. What do you think? She is not doing any com- Don’t label children QUESTION: Your warning | for parents to be careful what they say to their kids was right on. At 11 1 was called a whore when a 12 year old boy kissed me. I didn't know what it meant. But after a while I found out. For reasons I'll never know, 1 was attracted to the idea. I suppose because it was naughty and JI wanted to rebel against my parents (who called me lots of other mames too). At any rate, | gave kt a good try. For six years! It was a terrible ex- perience and knocked my sell-esteem into a cocked hat. I'm still getting over it at 31 years of age. STEWART: Your letter should be helpful to parents who are putting labels on their kids. Thank you. find your pet inthe NEWS classifleds 986-6222 | negatives can serv pose too. You are so right in wanting a more positive list, but your negative list will give you clear clues. Start with the example you give us. How would you change it around so it will be positive? Would you say, “I want more courage”?, or, “I want to be assured”?, or, “I want inner peace and con- tentment”’? It depends on what you mean when you say, “I dan’t want to have so many fears”. Simply change the wording around into positive affirmation. Ther you are in a position to USE the list more constructively. _ Repeat your list over and over two or three times a day. Get a picture in your imagination of what you wilt be like as your “wants” are realized, and then proceed, no matter how haltingly, to ‘BE the changes you want to see happen. As you repeat them over and over, see the | inder to let her for ‘have a. : erself plaining and seems to be all right. a - ‘STEWART: Is itjust bcause -she is 66. that you wonder whether‘you should:“care for her”? Why can’t she” “get around much”?: Did you leave something out of your . letter? Is she crippled? If she is.O.K., ‘she'll ‘get around as much >as she wants to. I believe it would be kinder for you to let her “shift for herself”. But be sure not to Volvo, fwe, (Stock 190978) __. galley, head, campertop. (Stock 192880)... runabout, built RoadRunner trailer. galley, Cuddy cabin, head other items. Hours of Sate: RECEIVERSHIP SALE DOUG’S BOATS LTD. 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IN STORE SPECIALS — Up to 20% price reduction on boating accessories including Ilfe jackets, teak wood accessories, fishing gear, boat ladders, blige pumps, and Thuraday & Friday — 9:00 am to 8:00 pm Saturday & Gunday — 9:00 am to 6:30 pm Chargex Sale Conducted by: Mastercharge Henfray & Company Lita. Recelver-Manager repetition as a sort of series | of instructions subconscious. * Now about the negatives. Allow them to serve you too. Write down on separate bits of paper each of your negative wants. Then make a serious game of symbolically getting rid of them. Throw away the one that says “I don’t want fear? and as it lands in the waste-basket, or fire, say, “THERE GOES MY FEAR”, and on down the list, symbolically surrendering everything you don’t want. to your In that way, you can work on your “wants”, first of all in a positive affirming way, but also use your negatives in a more light-hearted game-playing way. . But in each case, let there be action. The key to the whole procedure lies ‘in your BEING the change you want to see happen. Success! give her a lot of advice and make her think she is doing * some’ big\ thing by being on fer own. Don't make up a problem for her. Give her the thance to do well on her own. It will be a tonic for her. Look after yourselves this summer. You see, when she gets to be 86, you may have to care for her. So have a good time now while you and she are both young erlough to HAVE A GOOD SUMMER! batteries, $23,468. f 198 Merc, $13,500. $15,134. 16° speedo, re $ 6,233. 14° SKI 1000 Ib. $ 5,598. 140 Merc, ; $ 5,995. ‘165 OMC., $ 7,900. Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be réached at 261-6242 forappointments for individual, family or group counselling. His new office in.the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the — convenience of Norih Shore residents. wate Be Sets on Se gt Jig et Don't hold back. love QUESTION: I have been divorced almost four years and am more than ready for a “meaningful relationship.” But I have a_ strange trepidation that holds me back from telling my friend that I love him. I do love him, and he has told me that he loves me. And I believe him. But it is so scary for me to think of telling him that I love him. I've tried to figure it out and the closest I can get to an understanding of my timidity is that I would be in his control if I proclaimed my love. fm glad I wrote me, When I say, “J love you,” he has control of my life. That, I fear. Have you understood me? STEWART:When you love someone and deliberately hold back an open sharing of that love, you are under the control of your own fearful half-self. To free yourself of that inhibiting experience, be truthful. “The truth shall make you free:” Accepting your own feelings exactly as they are and describing them and disclosing them strengthens your Own person over you now, while you are living out a pretence with him, than he will have when you disclose your feelings to him. You, yourself, will be in possession of your in- tegrity and you will be living in your reality rather than in your pretensions. You will have MORE self-confidence and self-esteem and you will be the one who is in charge of you. Giving love is not as risky a as holding it back. that out because it seems sillier when I see it than it did when I was just mulling it over in my mind. But silly or not — that’s what frightens remarkably. Such a procedure does nothing to allow another person to have control over you. Indeed,’ your man has more control JENN-AIR _BUY THEPAIR! 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