DouG
COLLINS

md get this straighi °

THE MORE I see of professional questionnaires, the
more f become convinced that there is a cabal of strange
folk on the foose who are getting money under blithe

pretences,

Lalso believe that these con-
spiracies originate in the univer-
sities. No one who has not been
disadvantaged by a university
education and the mumbo jumbo
dispensed in academe could
possibly dream up such stuff.

An example of this threat to
the health of the nation springs
from the Cancer Control Agency
of British Columbia and was
directed at Mr. Wilfred Blair of
Surrey. Recently in hospital with
a little problem, on his return
home Mr, Blair received a CCA
booklet containing dozens of
dopcy questions.

Was he married? How many
children did he have? Where was
he born? Was his old man of
French, Chinese, English or
other ethnic background? How
about Mr. Blair's poor old .
Mum? Into which ethnic slot did
she fi1? Did Blair belong to a
church, synagogue or mosque,
and was he married, tiving
common-law, divorced or
separated?

Now | am not so dumb that |
would think there are not
categories of the human species
who would suffer from certain
diseases more than others. But
most of the staff the CCA asks
belongs to bonkersland.

Departments of epidemiology

FINES TOTALLING $1,000 were
levied against a 20-year-old North
Vancouver man Feb. 22 in North
Vancouver provincial court after
he pleaded guilty to two charges
arising from a traffic accident.

Guiseppe Devis. Zepedeo was
originally charged with failure’ to

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rival Statistics Canada, it seems,
(see my masterpiece of Feb. 14)
in their Just to know whether
people cui their toenails regularly
and what they do in their spare
time.

oe

Departments of
epidemiology rival Statistics
Canada ... in their lust to
know whether people cut
their toenails regularly and
what they do in their spare
time.”’

Viz: was Mr, Blair employed
at the time of his diagnosis or
was he doing volunteer work.?

Did he work with men or with
women? Did he have any friends
at work? If so, were they men or
women?

Not counting friends at work,
how many other friends docs he
have who are (4) women, or (b)
men?

Of all his friends, how many
can he really confide in, and
how many are (a) men or (b)
women? ;

Is Mr. Blair's husband or wife
reaily someone he can talk to.
(Please answer under ‘‘no,

never’’ or ‘‘yes, always.'’)

stop at the scene of an accident
and misleading a police officer by
reporting a hit and run that had
not been committed in connection
with a Jan. {0 incident.

Appearing before Judge J.D.
Layton, Zepedeo pleaded guilty to
both charges and was fined $500

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In the world of science there
must be a difference between
talking and really talking, and
confiding and really confiding,
because “really” keeps popping
up. Maybe they'll Jet me know
what the difference is.

Moving right along, we get
even dippicr questions.

For instance: how many times
in the past year had he made
dinner?

How many times had he gone
on pleasure drives, walks, picnics
“or something like that'’?

How many times had he gone
to a mavie, concert or play, ‘or
something like that''?

How many times had he done
the laundry?

How many times had he
played cards?

Is he rather lively? (He was
directed to answer under ‘‘No,
not at all,’ or ‘Yes, all the
time.” One can't be lively or
dull only part of the time, it
seems.)

Has his family life been happy
and [ree of arguments? (Answer
under ‘Strongly Disagree or
Strongly Agrec.’’}

The instigators and supporters
of this hocus-pocus are the
department of epidemiology at
the CCA and its division of
social work, who describe it as
an ‘important study’ designed
to help them understand patient
care and treatment,

Mr. Blair was told his
responses would be kept strictly
confidential and would not be
given to his doctor.

I should think not. We don‘t
want family doctors cutting their
throats, or otherwise giving up in
despair and becoming charges on
the public purse.

Who said that voodoo is con-
fined to Darkest Africa, Haiti,
and the remoter regions of South
America, or that government is
the only offender on the qucs-
tionnaire beat? @

on each, He was also prohibited
from driving for nine months.

9 - Wednesday, February 24,

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1988 - North Shore News