Bob Hunter rsonal @ THE OTHER day | tried to drive across Van- couver—that is, cutting against the grain of the traffic—fate in the afternoon. Leaving the North Shore News office on Lonsdale at three, | had this crazy idea of zipping across the Se- cond Narrows to the mid- dle of Burnaby to meet someone at 4 o’clock on a Wednesday. Ho Ho! Naive? I plunge down Lonsdale, hang a left at the corner of what used to be the ERECTION SHOP, and whip along the road by the tracks, aiming to sneak back up onto Marine Drive ahead of the first surge of early rush hour traffic. 1 should admit | happen to fancy myself a fairly gonzo urban guerrilla driver. You know the kind: hunched over the wheel, straining against the seat | belt, eyeballs darting like someone following a ping-pong game, as he (or she, for sure) claws like an animal in a stampede for every little opening, every ‘pause in the flow of steel bugs along the tarmac. 1 should also admit my hero when it comes to cop- ing with traffic was a taxi driver in New York who screamed: ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE OUT HERE PLAYING GAMES AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING! Yeh! When I’m on the road, I'm usually trying to get * PC. DINING ROOM SUITE IN OAK SOLIDS AND VENEERS, 42° x 68" TABLE COMPLETED BY ONE 24° LEAF, LIGHTED KUTCH WITH BEVELLED GLASS. TWO LINED SILVER DRAWERS IN THE BUFFET. WE ARE OPEN EVERY WEEKDAY UNTIL 9 PM 7811 ALDERBRIDGE WAY, RICHMOND ® PHONE: 276-8777 NDY’S FURNITURE &&) & from Point A to Point Z in zero time, if you please. { will not miss the automobile. I hunger for the day when instantaneous matter transmission is a commonplace affair. The thrill of just DRIV- ING for the raw thrill of DRIVING has long since been worn away, one less thrill available to me as 1 zoom like a tire down the highway of life, peeling rubber. Driving is outrageously time-consuming. About the only thing to be said for it is that it does keep the ad- renalin pumping. I figure I average half a dozen serious brushes with death or maiming every week, depending on how much driving I do. So here 1 am in the rainy gloom, the roads all look- ing like the surface of canals, inching along Marine Drive, block after block after block, toward the Second Narrows Bridge, my lower road manoeuver not having helped at all. The pewter-and-pear] blaze of fading afternoon light in the western sky, silhouetting the fragile web of the Lion’s Gate, turning Burrard Inlet into a ham- mered brass tray, is a ge- nuinely awesome spectacle to behold. But in traffic? e strictly pe rn foes Please, J’ve got a head- ache. 1 get claustrophobia in traffic, honestly. I hate it. | keep thinking of all the things 1! could be doing. Yes, of course, I should have a cellular radio, and it will come, but it’s like banking machines, you know. Some of us adjust to new technology faster thah others. Me, I’m not as quick as I might be. The adventure is not merely slow-moving traf- fic, of course. AT TST “We inch along like caterpillars; a slow danse macabre in the rain, bumper to bumper, windows fogging, wipers clicking like antennae...”’ 1 happen to really hate being out in the middle of the Second Narrows Bridge when a strong nor-wester comes cracking like a giant wet towel being snapped against the glass on the passenger's side, rattling the whole car, and it does not HELP that the traffic is only moving in spasms. Then, once the traffic moves, you find yourself sweeping (you have to keep wp with everybody, don’t you?) at nearly 60 mph down the other side of the bridge, hurtling towards a truely awesome snafu at Hastings beside the PNE where half the automobile COME SEE OUR LARGE SELECTION AND TAKE Hii}. ADVANTAGE OF OUR 4} INCREDIBLE PRICES!!! ia. shy 2 ase larey WE ARE OPEN 7 DAYS MON. - FRE. 11 AM-9 PM SATURDAY 10 AM - 6 PM SUNDAY NOON -5 PM “MARVELOUS MIDDLE GIVES YOU THE FINEST IN FIRM SLEEPING COMFORT. RICH DAMASK population of the Lower Mainland is intersecting in a kind of tableaux of the Buddist parable of the Walk of The Elephant, a hopeless, lumbering, head-down movement go- ing on for eternity. I finally crept, one agonized turn of the wheels at a time, onto the 101 itself, a tremendous trough of concrete through which zillions of cars should be able to move as fast as they want and in as large a swarm as you can imagine. Nope. We inch along like caterpillars; a slow danse macabre in the rain, bumper to bumper, win- dows fogging, wipers click- ing tike antennae, headlights blinding each other in the rearview mir- ror, engines whirring and squeaking. Help, 1 keep thinking, I’ve been swallowed and I'm being carried back to the ant heap. And they say there are going to be WORSE traffic pile-ups when Expo comes. Oh boy! Book your helicopter now! Ii took me, starting at 3 p.m., until ten to five (an hour and 50 minutes) to limp off the ‘‘freeway’’ at . Willingdon, a ride that should only have taken 20 minutes. When I finally got where I was going, you'll be amused to hear, the per- son J was to meet had left. J mean, who do I sue? es Sani ~ "GREAT SELECTION! QUALITY! * oe YESUVEGOTITAT Sanpy, /T.OW PRICES!! 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