~ Wednesday. May 8, 1691 - North Shore News share Sisters sex secret Q. MY SESTER and [I confided our deepest sex secret to each other last week. I don’t know if IT should be glad she shared this — or worried for both of us. Vve been married for nine years, hut in the past year FE have bSevun having sex fantasies con- cerning other) men. Sometimes they happen when J am having sex with my husband. My sister says the same thing huppens to her sometimes too. ts this normal for women? f£ have heard that men do have sex fan- tasies about making love to other women, but 1 have never heard sbont it happening to women. Could there be something wrong with my sister and me? She thinks we are aversexed. When we shared the details of our fantasies with each other, some of them were shocking. A. There is nothing shocking about women having sexual fan- tasies! Everyone — men and women — has fantasies, and many of them are about things you wouldn’t do in real tife. Dea’t be urset about your fan- tasies. They are not a problem unless one becomes obsessed by them or prefers fantasies to hav- ing sex with a partner. Enjoy them! They can help vou concentrate on sex at those times when your mind might drift ta life’s problems. Used this way, they can make sex with your hus- band better. Q. Hew does a man handle the embatrassment’ he and his partner feel when he loses his erection during lovemaking? i'm 60, divorced two years, and just becoming sexually active again, I care about the woman | um seeing, and she aise turns me on very much. Bat sometimes dur- ing sex my erection subsides. This is uncomfortable for both of us. 1 dont want her to think she doesn't turn me on, but I'm afraid she does think that. What should I do or say to make this easier for her? And what is the quickest way for me to regain by erection? A. You should telf her what you just told me. Say, “‘Hoaey, [ want you to know when this happens it’s not because I'm not attracied to you. bam very much attracted. And you are a wonderful lover!" Sometimes a man loses his erec- tion during sex. This is no big problem. After you've had this little talk with her once, you don't need to refer to it again. Satisfy her and ignore your lack of erec- tion, It may return if you stop worry- ing about it. If not, make love in the morning when veur Dr. Ruth Westheimer ASK DR. RUTH testosterone level is highest. But don'\ turn this into a problem! I agree with you that some reassur- ance is probably needed for her. Beyond that, don’: talk — or worry — about it. Q. How can [I gef my new boyfriend to make love to me the way my old boyfriend did? I've only kpown two men in the short time F've been sexualiy active, but the first was far superior to the second. i had orgasms with bim, but I don't with this man. [It bothers me that I don't, because I know 1 am capable of having them if he will only do the right things. Or maybe I don’¢ have orgasms with him because f don't love him as much as I did the first man. Is it possible that 1 am not having orgasms because J am not in love? The feelings area’t the same this time around. | am confused. What can I do to make the sex work? Or should I give it up? A. Perhaps you are expecting too much when you expect the feelings to be the same with this new man. For some people, nothing ever matches the excite- ment of first love. You may never feel exactly the same way again, but that doesn mean you wont have different feelings, deeper and richer ones for someone else. (can’t say if you love or don’t love this man, but { can tell vou that having an orgasm is your re- sponsibility. You know what you need to reach orgusm, and you must show this man what it is. The knowle an be transferred! Buc don’: tell bin sonicone else knew what he doesn’t. 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