Were 4 — Sem“sy, May 21, 1909 - North Shore News RECENTLY I compromised with the inevitable and rented 2 cellular telephone. Back in the ’70s, I tried living with a beeper. Remember how, for a while back there, it was a status symbol? Doctors and lawyers walked around with them. Execu- guys. Strange, when you think about that. I mean, it seemed inevitable that sooner or later everyone would have ore, but this hasn’t proved to be the case. I think the simple answer is the right one. by the skin of my teeth. Another close cali in the life of a media toiler, The trouble is I've got a portable unit. You carry it on a strap, with a coil of rubber wire from an adaptor slung around the rubber- sheathed antenna, and another coil dangling from the magnetized mouthpiece-receiver with its com- puterized callboard and screen. When it’s in the Ready mode, the screen glows. Yes it does. It glows. An evil greenish light. Somebody told me that if you S. omebody told me that if you press your ear to the phone for more than three minutes, your brain begins to heat up. If you stay on it too long, your brain cells will actually turn to warm 200 that eventually bubbles.’’ The damn things drive you nuts. I’m hoping the celular phone will work differently. That 1 will actually come tc love it and know its mysterious ways. This, of course, depends on whether I survive or not. i was phoning someone while driving the other day when I came within inches of causing a three- way collision. Everybody was at fault, but J was more at fault than the drivers of the bus and the other car. Because, you sce, I was dialing as } approached the intersection, and in order to dial, I had to take my eyes off the road. Just for split seconds at a time...Well, maybe for a few whole actual complete seconds, now that you ask. Long cnough for me to lose precious reaction time. Screech! Honk! Sneers of con- tempt. I got outa there, but it was Councils cancelled DUE TO the statutory holiday, May 22, the regular Monday meetings for West Vancouver Council, North Yancouver City Council! and North Vancouver District Council have been cancell- Enroll now for Summer Programs Children-Teens-Adults Cait $80-3591 233 West 1st Ave., North Vancouver press your car to the phene for more than three minutes, your brain begins to heat up. If you stay on it too long, your brain ceils will actually turn to warm goo that eventually bubbles. 1 know this is a joke. It doesn’t really happen. [’ve talked on the thing for 15-minute stretches. And i can remember what the speed of gravity is, no problem. The adaptor fits into the lighter in your car. That way, as you're driving, you charge the thing up. Technologically, it is one of the great wonders of all tix.c. But like so many fabulous in- ventions, it disturbs the environ- ment around it. tam slowly mastering the art of groping with my right hand for my all-purpose notebook with the phone numbers and weekly plan- ner, while steering with my left, eyeballs rotating madly from rear- AUTGPAR ALL ON SALE NOW! MID-SPRING SAFETY SPECIAL Free 50 Point Inspection With Any Lube, Oi! And Filter FUEL INJECTION CLEANING SPECIAL 641 maces) Vancouver's #1 Chrysler Jeep Eagle Service Center Hours: Mon.-Fri. 7:30am - 5:30pm PN Jeept? Ser ne ta an eet 1600 Marine Dr.. North Van. view mirror, to driver’s mirror, ahead, and down to the notebook while my fingernails pick away at the alphabetized index, trying to find a number. With the number found, the challenge is now, while still driving and still clutching the open notebook/phonebook in hand, I must stretch a forefinger into my shirt pocket to hook my glasses by the strings I have attached to them to prevent losing or breaking them. I must now yank the glasses free, Mick them so the arms pop open, lasso my head with the str- ing, and jam the rig down on my nose, low enough so [ can peek over the top at the road ahead, in- to the rearview mirror, and so on. Transferring the notebook to my Jeft hand so I am now driving with the same hand that holds the notebook, held open at the top of the steering wheel so | can peer down through my glasses at the number, my right hand is free to begin poking a forefinger at the wickedly-glowing buttons on the phone. Of course, since the device is sit- ting beside me in the passenger bucket scat, | must now swivel my head hard to the right, squint downward, figure out which number, out of a pageful of numbers, is the one I want. Then look widely ahead, craning my neck to see around the notebook, which is blocking the view, to ascertain whether I’m about to hit anything since I last looked, a desperate spot-check in the rearview mirror, frantic glances all around to see if any trucks are looming — and then i squint back at the call buttons. As it turns out, my _ glasses, which are for reading only, do not quite work on tiny numbered but- tons on a black box sitting in a seat on the other side of the car, so I have to dip my head, like a whooping crane, to get close enough to make out the numbers I'm trying to dial. Surely there oughta be a law against a guy like me on the road with a gizmo like that@ 37 6% SEASON RADIALS 63 _Eagle. | ne SEE |} met 880-3431 Man jailed A 30-YEAR-OLD Surrey man was sentenced May 8 in West Van- couver provincial court ito 42 days in jail after he pleaded guilty to a charge of driving while he was dis- qualified from doing so. Joseph Albert Faucher was orig- Po% Se Sy “Gongregation Hare S . 1735 laglewood Ave. \C): West Vancouver KIDS FREE Alt.: Secretary | enclose my membership fee PLEASE PRINT SURNAME .... Gate Hospital. **.. must ordinarily reside ... STICK THIS ON YOUR FRIDGE | THE N NORTH AND WEST VANCOUVER HOSPITAL SOCIETY FIFTEENTH STREET AT ST. GEORGES, NORTH VANCOUVER, B.C. O Life Membership $50.00 © New Annual Membership $5.00 ] Renew Annual Membership $5.00 | hereby certify that | am 19 years of age or over, I mee{ the residency requirements* and am not an empioyee of the Lons * SOCIETY BYLAWS, ARTICLE 11 in the City of North Vancouver, District of North Vancouver, District of West Vancouver. — Village of Lions Bay, the rural district of Bowen Island .. for driving inally charged in connection with a May 10, 1988 incident in which the vehicle he was driving was pulicd Grex by police on Hadden Drive in The North Shore Hebrew School presents KIDS’ FASHION FARR "Wi MARKET Sunday May 28th, 1-5:00 p.m. * Raffles * Door Prizes V7L 217 (GIVEN NAMES) SKGNATURE