48 - Wednesday, Sen*ember 2, 1992 — North Shore News

Position cancels out wife’s invite

DEAR MISS MANNERS — As committee chairmen in a
church, we extend invitations to fundraising events and

important social functions.

One of the deacons is married
to the church sceretary. While we
respect this man und admire his
leadership ability, how do we
make It clear that when one of
these invitations is issued, it is not
also extended to a church
employee?

Our minister seems to under-
stand but is helpless to answer.
How may-we be precise in exten-
‘ding such invitations?

GENTLE READER — Let's
“'see if Miss Manners understands
you correctly: You want io make
sure that a class distinction, based
on the lady’s employment, cancels
out the claim she would’ have,
-. based on the holy bonds ‘of mar-

’ siage, to accompany- her husband .

to your parties. Is that it?:

Just. exactly what, kind ‘of a.

church do you have there?’

. Miss Manners prays that. she is:
mistaken ~~ that you are speaking.»
of ‘events ‘that: individuals . attend,

: unaccompanied by their- spouses,

because’of: their positions. “In that-
case, you: could’ reasonably .make a |
distinction: “between” his’ position: :
and d hers, and | exclude. her meray ve

Nevertheless, “he says | ‘he would-

enter it-again | ‘if he could,
“I really wouldn’ t mind doing it
-gOt (a novella-length

. talking. about it.

Judith
Martin

m- tainly have ignored: it,”

‘on any

thanks, but then changed the sub-
ject and disappeared a few mo-
ments later.

Did I commit a grave social er-
ror? Should I have refrained from
compiimenting this tady on some-
thing T thought attractive — and
something she had obviously felt
the same way about, at feast at
one time?

' avoided the subject when we
spoke again, and did aut comment
similar adormiuents of
other guests, mate or female.

ff 1 had chanced to catch a
fleeting glimpse of such an
adornment in a more intimate
area on her person, I would cer-
but the
public placement of- such an ar-

 tifact gave me the impression that
“a compliment
ttawelcome. Was I mistaken?

would. not be

.GENTLE READER — Allow

Miss Manners to put:it: this way:.

'. people who wear unusual orna-

‘right.- one. ‘But Miss Manners’

religion ’ ‘fequires -her to. try to

think-well of human nature.
:.DEAR-MISS MANNERS — Is

it proper. for a gentleman to com- ot

pliment alady.on her tattoo? -

members of. a distant branch of
y-wife’s: family, I. aeticed «a
: thier" large and fatricate iattoo on

nikle: aboug.the bare fact of-
“éne of ry wife's cousins.

_F complimented thig woman on

‘ ‘the beauty and quality of the art-.
ial. ;: work, but:-she barely: made; any
- ° reply: and ‘seemed* ‘rather: uncom-
“mumbied brief:

fortable. She

do imore. ‘work on it.

‘*The great thing is there's no
more sitting on your hands and
lt makes you do
Once. you: make the. commit-

ment: -it’s-an “intense, creative ex- -
C3 perience, and it, can be a
» ching: pad for -careers,"’ he says,

faun-

adding’ ‘that.he hopes’ more local

“writers enter so the contesi.won’'t

fose-. its Canadian flavor‘ to ‘the
deluge of American entrants.

For ‘more information on the
3-Day» Novel Contest, pione

| HOW SHOULD PAY LEVELS
BE SET FOR MLAs?

| The British ColumbiaLegistature has appointed CJ. Connaghanto
conduct an independent review of what Members of the Legislative

“+. Your views are invited. Forward thoughtful ideas, in waiting, no
S .. Inter thant Sept. 30, 1992. All submissions wall be considered to be .

., Bublicdocuments. —

i ie ‘Teaisit the Reviewer, you may vish to address such questionsas:

. “What is the primary job ofan MLA? In tenmsof pay and benefit
Jevels, including pension and severance provisions, what other
‘jobs in our society would rank with the job ofan MLA? Should -

; the Legislative Assembly oran independentcommission decide
--  howmuch topay an MLA? Should a formula, perhaps related -
10 the ‘Consumer Price Index, be-used to determine future: .

, . Sead your waiien submission to the following:
“Review of MLA Remuneration |
Suite 510 - 789 West Pendes Street

canon BC. V6C 1H2 ..

Facsimile: (604) 684-3381

Or, during September, call toll free to 1-800-461-8668. .

876-8710. Entry deadline is Sept..
manuscript out of i ity ‘and I plan to... 4, ; , .

ments in non-intimate places, as
you put it, may properly be com-
plimented on them in social situa-
tions in a respectful way. So far,
so good. :

However, pesple. who wear
unusual ornaments that they can’t
get rid of may well be sick of
hearing about them: :

So you did not: commit a social
error. “But_ then. theslady didn’t
behave as ‘if -you-did She: ‘Gidn’t
cut you dead or. hitsyou | with. her

: purse; she merely. declined-to pur-
sue the subject. .

“DEAR , MISS -

“UMy. ex-lusband® and? Ihave’ re-
- mained “surface” friends. He has

been going with — but does not
live with — s woman for about
six years and is. planning to take
her to our son's wedding.

He suggested that he, she and §
have lunch, so that we'd be less
uncomfortable. at the wedding. I
was appalled, and said I would be
2 lady und would be polite at the
wedding, but that I had no isten-
tion of making friends with her.

We have never met, but I've not
heard anything good about her

through mutual friends, Ai. Anon.

groups or my granddaughter,
who's 11. .

I-am trying to accept the fact
that she'll be there, but I don’t
feel comfortable sharing a row at
the ceremony or the receiving line
with one who's in no. way ap-
propsiately sharing my joyfut oc
casion. -

GENTLE READER. Do

these. people realize ‘how | lucky.

they are to have received: your
assurance that you will be - polite
and fadylike at the. wedding?
Granted that decency requires
this, Miss Manners would like to
teil them how rare such. decency
is.

There is no traditional; or: seven
reasonable, role for: ‘' ‘pon‘tesident

in the wedding party.
The lady should: be ‘ther

wedding: ‘guest, treated: graciously
as-any guest should: be,:-but. not”.

filling, the position: that .a*beloved

stepmother, who helped» bring ‘up. "

thezbridegroom and ‘is: ori:

‘ terms*with his ‘mother;* might’ ‘pro-

perly be ° granted.

| |

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