THERE’S A politician Friday, May 31, 1991 - North Shore News ~ 7 upcountry who says Mel Couvelier’s problem is that he is an excellent speaker. But not much of a listener. That appraisal may be only partly right. Mel Couvelier may be one of those star-crossed pols whose real problem is that he listens, right enough, but to the wrong voice. This week would seem to be a proof of it. Mel Couvelier has been listening to the wrong nifty. If you are not familiar with this political phenomenon tet me ex- piain who a nifty is. Every person in politics aspires to be a nifty. It is the dynamic ex- tension of that other attribute ail politicians give themselves automatically: that they ere great strategists. It doesn’t matter at what level the game is being played — feder- al, provincial, municipal, school boards, golf clubs, or even the SPCA — there is always the re- quirement for strategy, and everybody involved cherishes the secret belief that they are masters of the craft. Acquiring nifty status takes more work, because to become one, you have to have acquired at feast the reputation for having nifty ideas. . By Brian Swarbrick Contributing Writer Strategists merely have to be in the same room when any idea, nifty or otherwise, is born. There are those with big reps as strate- gists who go for years without coming up with an idea. They simply hang out in the right rooms. Now that you know all this in- side stuff, let me set the Couvelier scene: The nifty is staring out the window of Mel’s office in the legislative buildings. In the room behind him, earnest figures furrow their brows as they struggle to come up with a strategy. These are lean times for them. It is no fun being strategist of a non-campaign for the Socred par- ty leadership. Which makes it even less fun for Mr. Couvelier, who is the proprietor of the non- campaign. There are in the room those who wonder if Stan Hagen is looking for people. They glance nervously to the nifty, and see lit- tle to lift their hearts. The eyes of MAILBOX Condom issue seemed so straightforward Dear Editor: The recent decision by the West Vancouver School Board not to allow condom-dispensing machines in schools disturbed and appalled me. : { thought the proposal was eminently sensible: You put in the condom machines; the student who thought seriously about sex paid his or her buck (or whatever) and put a condom in his pocket (or her purse), and voila! A measure of protection against pregnancy or sexually-transmitted disease. The student not interested in sex would ignore the machine, until such time as the sexual urges caught up. It seemed quite straightforward. But the report in the May 10 issue of the North Shere News of the presentations io North Van- couver’s School Board left me feeling that history was about to be repeated: Let us maintain the traditional distance between church and school in our public education system. Besides, ii the children of these righteous people are trained at home and at church in the morally correct manner, they pre- sumably will be in no danger of catching sex. According to the story, 24 per- sons spoke in opposition to con- dom machines and only three in favor. I would hate for the school board to get the impression that this ratio, 23-8 (8-1), represented majority thinking in the district. | can assure you the protesters do not speak for me, nor do they speak for my children and friends. It was, in fact, the preponderance of speakers oppos- ed to condom machines that sug- gested the idea of an orchestrated campaign. How did so many op- posed to the proposal get to speak? I would have felt better if more students and fewer adults had spoken. The youngsters who did speak appear to be admirable ex- amples of their type. I admire Shastine Hudson’s stand on abstinence, but I’m afraid not many people have her strength of character. Weaker-willed students need the chance for protection that condoms offer. B.R. Conk North Vancouver ouvelier and the nifty appear vacant, unfocus- ud, Staring but unseeing. But this is illusion. They ure focused, those eyes, but on no near horizon. They are fixed on high and distant places. Very high, very distant places. And suddenly, they are suffused ® complete atiention, the nifty jays it out. “What you do, Mel, is get all the guys huddled around you, all the guys with the TV cameras on their shoulders and the mikes in their hands, and sugges: to them in that nice ponderous way of & Every person in politics aspires to be a nifty. It is the dynamic extension of that other attribute all poiiticians give themselves automatically: that they are great Strategists. with the pure bright blaze, the glorious fire, of inspired creation. The nifty turns, and says simply, “*T have it.” The room falls silent. Then it comes: what is needed to get the Couvelier campaign up and moving, intones the nifty solemnly, is an idea that displays the statesmanship of the can- didate, an idea so stunning in its audacity, so piquantly original in its concept, so refreshingly loony-bin, so British Columbian, so... Thus having his audience’s Does it matter if groups were highly Dear Editor: On the same page as your May 10 article, ‘Condoms condemned at public meeting,’’ there was a complaint about speaker selection at the North Vancouver District 44 School Board condom forum. As one of the speakers, I followed the rules of order: the trustees asked for letters of permission to speak, and the North Shore News told everybody that could read. We were not required to have our brief prepared on the day we asked, in writing, to speak. I know that in having presented an argument at West Vancouver school board’s meeting, | did not have an ad- vantage to get on a list. In fact, I was the 17th out of 23 speakers on May 7. Does it really matter if indi- viduals, families or groups organized? were ‘“‘highly organized’’? One of the school trustees disclosed at the meeting that out of 100 letters received beforehand, on- ly five were in support for the rubber product — that’s almost an exact parallel with Tues- day’s results. The West and North Van- couver meetings were con- ducted with two differences. North Vancouver trustees ask- ed for a question period after each presentation. West Van- couver trustees allowed a last-minute opportunity for speakers, however. Nevertheless, the trustees were grateful to obtain ideas and references to help them, no matter what are their voting results about condoms. Surely, they heard every possible human concern. Douglas McDonald North Vancouver yours that...Biff Vander Zaim enter the Socred leadership race! You welcome it, in fact!”’ There is a sickly silence, Then: “Why in God’s name would he do that?"’ someone asks. The nifty’s eyes gleam. But he speaketh not. A second questioner: ‘Yeah, why?’’ Still the nifty remains silent. “*Yeah, why?’’ says Mr. Couvelier. Then the nifty slyly grins. ® 2 **Because,* says the nifty, “it will clear the air."* “What will?” *Yeah,”’ savs the Second Strat- egist, ‘‘what?’’ “How will the Zalm coming in clear anything?’’ says the Third Strategist. ‘‘Cheez! A two-person race? What's to clear?"’ “*Yeah,’’ says the Second Strat- egist. ‘Ask Ted Hughes! Zalm? A guy who can't even clear himself?” The nifty grins and shakes his head. He turns to The Candidate. “Try it. Do it for us right now. Hang your head like you do when you're showing the TV guys how you've really worried a thing.’’ The Candidate does so. A passer-by might think he has spent a sleepless night in philosophical or even moral tussle. It’s that kind of face. “‘Now, then,’’ says the nifty, “look up very sincere and say, ‘Yes, I certainly do welcome Bill Vander Zalm to run in this race. It will clear the air.’ "’ The Candidate does so. The head hangs, the words slither forth...and the room erupts in spontaneous applause. And nobody really pays any at- tention to The First Questioner as he repeats his query. ‘‘Clear what air? What the hell does it mean?’’ SAY NO ‘...¥OU HANDSOME DEVIL YOU!... THE NORTH SHORE NEWS recently surveyed North Shore residents on the subject of coridoms in schools. It seems the issue is divided. Of the 470 people asked “Should condom machines be installed in North Shore schools?” 43.2% responded Yes”? Those numbered 40.6%, while . responding ‘‘no’’ 2% didn’t care and 16.0% didn’t know.