536 — Wednesday, December 2, 1992 — North: Shore Wews DEAR MISS MANNERS — Someone on our office staff’ is writing unkind anonymous notes of a personal, rather LIFESTYLES Office contest will remove sting of insults than professional, nature to various co-workers. Our question is how to respond to these notes. After the first few were Gelivered, 2 full stuff meeting was called to announce a company policy against such behavior, but the notes have continued. If we suspect a certain co- worker, should we confrout her? Do we send an anonymous note to her? GENTLE READER — No, you don’t send anyone an anoayrnous note. For one ching, it’s now against company policy. For another, targeting a mere suspect in this fashion is unfair. But with all that profes- sionalism coming into play, didn’t it occur to anyone how thoroughly this would justify the offender? You would be confirming that person in the belief that sending anonymous insults is a proper way to deai with anyone whose behavior you find odjectionable. This is exactly the practice that is driving you all crazy. Miss Manners suggests that you hold an office contest for the most scathing insult received. Not only wili this immediately remev2 the sting, but it will confront the author of the fetter with the necessity of writing rude letters to Judith Martin MISS MANNERS herself, thus administering her own punishment. DEAR MISS MANNERS — A friend who is in a wheelchair asks me to come over almost ¢tvery day. When I get there, we have things to da. 1 was woadering about cating dianer aver there. His paren’s are the ones who invite me, but is it proper to stay, or to say I already ate? kt feels embarrassing when I’m there at dinner time, bat my friend is about to have surgery, so thai’s one reason I sperd so much time with him. GENTLE READER Miss Manners cannot tell whether your friend’s parents consider continu- ing your visit through mealtime to be a welcome distraction for him under the circumstances, or an added burden to them, uader the same circumstances. But she can teach you how to tell the difference. Invitations issued when dinner is about to be served are always suspect. Ii is possible that they are genuine, but the motive of your hosts being hungry and wondering if you are ever going to leave so that they can have dinner must be considered. Therefore, give them an cppor- tunity to invite you before star a- tica sets in. When you arrive, say helio to any available parents (which you should be doing, any- way). If they do not invite you to dinner then, it is safe to assume that your visit should be conclud- ed at the end of the