74 — Wednesday, November 28, 1990 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

QUESTIONS ABOUT THE

Girliriend’s clinging
chokes his desire

Q. I AM 19 and so is my
boyfriend. He is my first
lover and we have a good
sexual relationship.

We use birth control, and he is
always interested in pleasing me.
But in the beginning of our refa-
tionship, I was No. 1 with him.
He would spend most of his
weekends with me and always
drop plans with his buddies if 1
wanted him to be with me.

Now he sets aside one weekend
night to go out with buddies, no
matters what I say or do.

Is there something a little sick
about 2 man who'd rather be with
his friends than his girl? This is
causing a problem between us that
Tam afraid will affect our sex life.

He says I am selfish, but I say
he is. I don’t feel first in his life
anymor<, and I don’t like it. I
don't feel as loving toward him
when ne treats me this way.

What can I do to get him away
from his buddies and save our
relationship?

A. Lam more worried that your
idea of love is a little unhealthy.
Why are you jealous of his bud-
dies?

If you told me he was spending
one night a week with another
woman, | would understand your
jealousy. It is healthy for him to
have male friends, just as it is for
you to have female friends. Don’t
compete with his buddies.

On the night he goes out with
them, plan some enjoyable activity

Dr. Ruth
Westheimer

ASK DR. RUTH

with your girlfriends. Go te the
mall or the movies. The next night
you will have your own adven-
tures to share with him.

Maybe you don't feel so loving
toward him after he’s been out
because you have spent the time
alone feeling sorry for yourself,

Every couple benefits from time
apart. If you continue to behave
like a clinging woman, you will
really hurt your sexual relation-
ship.

Q. E was married for 59 years.
My husband died three years ago.
1 still miss him in all ways, in-
cluding sexually, We had a
wonderful sex life together until
almost the very end.

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Even his impotence in the final
years of his life did not stop us.
We satisfied each other by oral
sex and foreplay.

I am 84 years old and for the
first time in my life, | have tried
masturbating. I have found it very
unfulfilling. Does the clitoris lose
its sensitivity with disuse in old
age?

I am loathe to try mechanical
means, such as a vibrator, but |
wil) if you say that is the only
thing to do. Help!

A. Bravo to you for wanting to
remain sexually alive! The clitoris
does become somewhat less sen-
sitive with age. You may find that
a vibrator will help. The sensa-
tions it produces are much
stronger than the ones you pro-
duce otherwise.

But once you get used to a
vibrator, you may have difficulty
finding pleasure without it. J
recommend you first read Lonnie
Barbach’s book, For Yourself, to
learn all the secrets of masturba-
dion.

Perhaps it will also help you to
recall the wonderful sexual experi-
ences of your marriage while you
are pleasuring yourself.

Q. Lam a 40-year-old divorced
professional man and. joint-
custody parent. I think [ am
teasonably attractive, have no real
bad habits like picking my teeth at

See Keep page 76

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a+i

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