38 — Sunday, February 9, 1992 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES Heads of state should practise safe protocol KISSING IS personal. It is best enjoyed in private. Save it for those who love you for yourself, and not your posi- tion. That is Miss Manners’ Valen- tine’s Day message to world lead- ers. An increasing number of them seem to believe, in the face of all evidence about where the political primrose path leads, that physical, not to mention photogenic, warmth promotes the cause of world peace. A number of statesmen woke up after the world upheavals of these last years wishing they hadn’t been so promiscuous. Those who had dallied in the public embraces of Yasir Arafat of the Palestine Liberation Organization, and Erich Honecker, the former East Ger- man leader, for example, seem to. ‘feel that the romance is over. Just about anyone who had come within range of Iraqi president Saddam Hussein before the Per- sian Gulf War found out that, as they say-in divorce court, one pic- ture is a dreadful liability. At this winter’s Islamic Con- ference Organization meeting, Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia was reduced to exclaiming “No kissing please!’’ and exten- ding a defensive arm when his former enemies bore down on him _ with a gleam in their eyes. . Miss Manners understands that no one can forecast all the turns of the kaleidoscope of world af- fairs. She is not suggesting that statesmen should be more pro- phetic about whom they allow to kiss them. She is suggesting that they stop kissing other statesmen altogether ~— that they practise safe protocol. Is is true that chiefs of state and heads of government symbolize the countries they represent, which is why they must be treated with dignity, unless an affront is in- tended to their. people as a challenge or a response to one. It has also long been the habdit for them to discuss alliances in terms of friendship and even par- ‘enthocd — our good friends, the mother country, and so on. But the world is no longer ruled by all-powerful monarchs who Judith Martin MISS MANNERS were likely to be related to one another, it not by blood or mar- riage, then even more strongly by a shared belief in the divine right of guess who. These people had been occasionally known to put family interests ahead of the bonds they had with their own subjects, which has a bit to do with why they are either in exile or busily earning their keep by keeping their countries entertain- ed. Colonialism, with its assump- tion of permanent and uneven ties between nations, has also passed out of fashion. That a country should remain bound by affection to one that had conquered it militarily. is no longer a popular notion. Miss Manners finds it odd that recent’ decades, when these changes were most apparent, nevertheless witnessed the return of the smooching chiefs of state. Hugs and kisses are more com- mon than handshakes now, among leaders whose countries are not obviously on the brink of war. She suspects this has less to do with a revival of the international brotherhood of royalty by its less colorful substitutes, than with the happy-go-lucky belief of the same period that all the world’s prob- lems would be solved if only everyone learned to love everyone else. No doubt this is true, and the fact that it has never happened in the history of the world should not discourage people from trying. But it does not begin with lead- ers behaving as if their dealings, . on behalf of their citizens, with the chiefs of other countries were personal relationships which would remain unaffected by na- tional interests or political events. Symbolically, they are better off treating one another with cordial formality. Not only does this ' demonstrate that they are acting as representatives of their pcoples, rather than as a privileged inter- national interest group of their own, but it leaves no embarrassing traces. DEAR MiSS MANNERS — My co-workers and EF were wondering about the significance of giving roses of different colors. Could you please tell us what each color signifies? Does pink or yellow mean friendship? Dees red always signify romantic interest oz attachment? Does white mean vir- tue? We realize that it’s always nice to receive roses of any variety, but it would be fun to know the tradi- tional meaning behind each color. GENTLE READER — Miss Manners is not fond of this sort of question as you might imagine a sweet old-fashioned lady to be. Nobody has ever registered these colors, and when you’ve memo- tized that yellow roses symbolize jealousy and/or a cessation of love, for example, some’ panicked florist puts out a list saying yellow roses mean joy and gladness. The only thing on which everyone seems to agree is that red roses signify romantic love if the card does not coutain a disclaimer, and that they should be sent either as a dozen or singly. White roses may or may not signify purity (Miss Manners has never heard of anyone’s sending sarcastic roses), and pink ones a more junior form of love (either from the age of the recipient or that of the courtship) than red. It is simple if friends send one another flowers. 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