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36 - Sunday, March 17, 1985 - North Shore News.

An innocent, but hideous, mistake _

years ago, | made the acquaintance of a

| DE MISS MANNERS — About two

young man through business contacts, and
subsequently worked with him in our related pro-
fessions. Although we did not know each other
well, we exchanged brief correspunce, i.e. birthday

and Christmas cards, etc.

1 had not seen this
gentleman for close to 2 year
when I was informed that his
tovely young wife was ter-
minafly ill. After having
received this - information,
not two weeks had passed,
and I was told by another
individual that she had died.

Although i would have
felt awkward involving
myself in the events sur-
rounding a funeral, I did not
hesitate to send a card and a
letter of condolence.

Of course, you can guess
the rest.

1 was informed last week,
by yet another individual,
that the young woman is not
deceased, but still, tragically,
is most seriously ill with a
supposedly fatal disease. -

Naturally, fam both mor-
tified and furious. Mortified
that I have sent a letter of
condolence when it was not
appropriate, and furious at
the rumormonger who could
be so callous as to speculate

by Judith
Martin

on someone’s death without
first-hand knowledge.

Feeling that ' am already
more deeply involved with a
Passing acquaintance's fife
than I care to be, what
should my next course of ac-
tion be, if any? Two other
friends are in the same boat
in regard to this hideous
rumor, and we anxiously
await your reply.

GENTLE READER —
This is awful, This is so
awiul that Miss Manners can
hardly bear to think about
it.

There are few innocently
committed etiquette crimes
for which the best solution is
for the perpetrator to disap-
pear from the face of the
earth, but this is one of
them. Isn’t that what you
feel like doing?

Nevertheless, Miss Man-
ners feels it her duty to come
up with a less drastic alter-
native. She dares not call it a
solution, because whatever
you do will cause further
pain to this person, to whom
you have already in-
advertently caused pain.
That cannot be avoided. Just
hearing your name would
cause him pain.

Your own pain saight be
somewhat relieved by writing
him to apologize for what

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you must describe as a
hideous mistake, which you
thank God is untrue. Make
no statements about the
health of his wife, but sim-
ply send her your regards to
indicate that you again think
of her as a functional human
being.
7

DEAR MISS MANNERS —
My oldest daughter has been
on her own for more than 20
years. During that time, she
has had several live-in
hoyfriends, but has never
married.

She is engaged now, for
the first time, to ber current
live-in. boyfriend and plans
to get married in June.

She is uncertain us to the
size and type of wedding,
but has asked if I would help
out financially, should she
decide on a large wedding.
She also would like the
reception at my home. I live
alone, since my wife died a
year and a half ago.

All things considered, 1
have doubts as to the ap-
propriateness of a large
wedding with me as_ the
“sponsor.”’ Are there any
ground rules for such a situ-

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GENTLE READER —

Miss Manners thinks it a
lovely idea for any wedding
to be held in the parental
home, and does not limit the
number of guests according
to the age or premarital ex-
perience of the bride.

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