C2. Sunday, January 6, 1985 - ‘Do North Shore News igie bag’ Over the EAR MISS MANNERS — Christmas holiday, | had 30 people in for dessert. In addition to things I had made, | ordered a medium-sized array of chocolate-dipped strawberries and orange secticns. One of my guests left early, preparing a ‘‘doggie bag"’ of the chocolate-dipped fruits for her four children. She didn’t ask, but as my hus- band saw her wrapping up the chocolates, she nervously asked if it was all right. When he told me about it, I was shocked and felt this woman showed very poor manners. My husband said other guests went to the table to try the fruits and were disappointed that they were already finished. GENTLE READER — Bad ‘manners? You're lucky this woman didn’t sweep your lace tablecloth and silver forks into her bag, to give her doggy-children the treat in its proper setting, Miss Manners hardly blames your husband for be- Mg too stunned, at the spec- tacle of an invited guest turn- ing into a thief, to say anything. Had he managed, however, the thing to say would have been, ‘‘l'm so sorry, but this is for our guests. Had 1 known your children would be hungry, 1 certainly wouid have arrang- ed to send them food. Please allow me to do so tomorrow.”’ DEAR MISS MANNERS — We have been dating for several years now, and fre- quently socialize with another couple. The gentle- men are close friends. This other gentleman has a zest for life, and, unfortuna- tely, overtly portrays some of this zest toward his live-in girlfriend in a most public and embarrassing manner. She also demonstrates the various yearnings very capably. They do this not only at semi:formal dinners, bul everywhere else as well. Are they insecure and trying to prove something? Pe ae] miss manners by Judith GENTLE READER — Miss Manners does not deal in such concepts as insecurity as an excuse for bad manners. This implies that they cannot quite help themselves, and should be regarded with some tolerance. However, she can tell you in plain language, with no Losing THE LOSS of a loved one Ieaves those in bereavement ina state of shock. For some, a numbness may last weeks or months. Coping from day to day takes on a mechanical form, When their loss actually hits ‘them, a lot of people are ‘taken aback. They feel that i they were doing so well before and are surprised at the range and depth of their emotions. Grief sometimes becomes anger, anger sometimes allowances made for the fact that there are motivations — as when are there not? — why your friends are behaving rudely, They are showing off, with the intention of pointing out to everyone else, single or coupled, that they have a pleasure others don’i. As you point out, they are achieving this effect. The beunds for a young couple in love, when in the company of others, go no further than occasional deep glances, furtively pressed hands, and that sort of thing. It seems particularly obvious in the case of a couple actual- ly living together that there is ample privacy to do whatever else they wish to do, and that if they are willing to come out of their yuarters at all, they should be prepared for pro- per socializing. Miss Manners suggests that you and your friends give these people the isolation they seem to require. If they complain of being dropped, the explanation is, ‘‘Well, you always seem to want to be alone,"’ and, if pressed, “*You know, we're all pleased you're happy, but it is a trifle gross to watch."’ The wording is important: If you suggest that you are “bothered,”* or anything else that will be eagerly inter- preted as envy, you will only encourage them, a love decomes helpless depression. Sometimes it’s helpful for people to know about the stages of dealing with loss and to find out they're not alone. Information and support will be part of a Grieving Workshop sponsored by North Shore Family Services. The group will meet eight Tuesdays, 7:30-9:30 p.m., starting January 22 at North Shore Family Services. The fee is $30. For further details, call 988-5281. DANIADOWN QUILTS iS HAVING A TERRIFIC WHITE SALE JANUARY 1 - 31 » Pillows # Selected Quilt Cover in many patterns * Waterbed Linens e Mattress Pads ¢ Selected Quilts ¢ And lots more! Oak Butterfly Leaf Table 49H «4aD Beauttul oak table made of top quailty plano grade lumber, nang carved skit. Super tinish—siain- ed, sanded, sealed and linished with two coals of tough alcohol resistant laccuer reg. $1350. sale 5895 Oak Arrowback Oak Windsor side chair side chair side chair A. reg. $195. sale $4 25 a DEELERS TOO “ (uy North Park Royal Oak Crown Pressback 999.0213 $5 off your perm