32 ~ Sunday, September 23, 1990 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES
Life is priceless only

when times are good

ON SUNDAY morning |
had a little stroke. It was
only a TIA, a Transient
Ischemic Attack, not a real
stroke, because it lasted on-
ly a very few minutes, but
long enough to wipe out
several million brain cells
and fan my ears with the
gentle suspiration of the
angel’s wings.

We'd breakfasted, and I got up
to say Godspeed to the golfer and
found { couldn’t articulate, my
mouth was full of tongue, my lips
were made of wood. | could make
sounds in my throat but | couldn’t
give them shape. For those few
minutes | was locked up inside my
head, able only to gesture and
grunt and plead with my eyes to
communicate my problem. What
an ironically suitable punishment
for someone full to the brim with
words.

The paralysis passed presently,
so 1 sat for a while, carefully
reading the newspaper aloud,
listening to the round sounds, be-
ing deliberate. Fortunately there
were things demanding attention,
breakfast to clear away, the morn-
ing chores to attend to. Women’s
primordial slavery to their sur-
Toundings is a good antidote to
brooding.

Nevertheless, I spent the day
feeling very tentative, very tem-
porary. | didn’t take my custom-
ary walk, | moved sedately when I
moved at all. What if it happened
again? What if the next time it
was more severe? What if it hap-
pened in the street, or in a store?
What if I'd been all alone?

My head was full of people I'd
seen on the bus and in the streets
and in euphemistic ‘‘care,’’ people
whose heads shook uncon-
trollably, whose limbs dangled
uselessly, who had to be hand-fed
and constantly monitored. How
could one bear that sort of
minimal existence, that childish
supervision? What if it became my
way of life?

As soon as I could next day, 1
saw my doctor, who said what I
expected him to say. Quite blunt-
ly, it could be the first of many.
The little earthquake, the litle
after-shocks, eh? And each time
another million brain cells bite the
dust. Of course some steps could
be taken, there is equipment
designed to cxplore hearts and
minds, ali would be put in train.

But.

So, obviously, | am going to
have to learn to live with *‘But’’
as my companion, because science
is still feeling its way, and the
diversity of human construction
prevents the making of universal
recommendations. It’s what makes
us so interesting as citizens and
lovers, and so exasperating as
medical problems.

1 feel a little offended by it all
because, frankly, I’ve been doing
my share since last year’s heart at-
tack. I've lost weight, I’ve
discarded my car, [ve bored
others endlessly with advice about
oat bran and fish and yogurt and
parsnips. How far can one go
without becoming a freak or a fa-
natic? How much farther does one
want to go?

Which is like saying,
much is life worth?”

Well, as long as you're having a
good time, it's priceless. It's when
it gets so. straightened by pain
and/or disability and/or restrictive
measures that one has to say,
“What's it worth? I want to think
about it.”’ Its quotient of desir-
ability is revealed in the degree to
which you can tolerate putting
others out.

“How

Eleanor
Godley

THE VINTAGE YEARS

When you can see you are a
burden, that surely entices you to
enter the decision-making. When
you are no longer independent.

when you cannot care for your
own person or your own affairs.

John

then you have the right to decide

about life’s worth, surely. | don’t
want to wait until after the
cataclysmic moment when the

lock-up is permanent.

The Jack Bell Foundation has
been in my consciousness for quite
some time. Heavy media attention
to some local cases has forced us
all to examine what we think
about dying with dignity when it
applies to other people — can we
bring ourselves to apply it to our
own special situations?

_lt’s an easy phone call — 683-
7835 — or you can write for your
Living Will to the Jack Bell
Foundation, at 2703 - 2055 Pen-
drell St... Vancouver, B.C. V7A
3Y3. That will bring you, tree of
charge, two copies of his recom-
mended document. It simply states
your wish to be allowed a death
which is not prolonged artificially,
hor unreasonably. One copy is for
you, one is for your doctor. The
peace of mind that comes with it
is free, too.

Reichenback, owner

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