It takes two to argue

QUESTION:

_Waill you = something
about. To am en-
joying and hating a
relationship my man
which is full to running over
with arguments. ['m as bad
as he is. Well argue about
anything. You won't believe
it but the other day when I
asked him (rather
beligerantly) “Why arguc?”,.
he came hack with “Why
not?” He was ready to argue
about that even.

You know, I don't think
either one of us has ever won
an argument. So why do we
do i and how do we get
passed it?

STEWART:

Most arguers have a
strong need to prove
themselves “right”. Get rid

of that need and you deal a
blow to your arguing.
other words, a basic need is
for each of you to get help in
learning to be aware of a
higher worth in yourselves
than you have so far per-
ceived. That will lessen your
need to seem “right”.

Another help is to practice
sensing the other fellows
FEELINGS, (not just the
points in his argument) and
to recognize your own
feelings too. Then talk with

each other about your
feelings.
I gather both of you would

rather not argue so much.
So, why not agree to keep it
light as you experiment with
ways of catching yourselves
in the beginning of an
argument and giving each
other some silly signal which

says, in effect, “Hey! We're

on the verge of an argument ,

and neither of us wants to
be. Let's quit right now and
laugh about how close we
came to doing something we
don’t want to do.” A well-
tried signal is to pull your ear
lobe and grin. Do it as soon
as it dawns on you that an
argument is heaving in. Try “
it. It's almost silly enough to
work!

And remember: You
argue when you are not sure
of your- SELF and you
SHOUT in an argument
when you are not sure of
your facts. -

Seeing you two outs argue
so much, you'd better pull
your left and right ear-lobes
alternatively. Just think, if
you went deaf, you'd miss
the argument! ~

wean

re ay

C7 - Wednesday, July 28, 1982 - North Shore News

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

Two-faced women

QUESTION: Women are so
two-faced they make me
laugh. Just take a look at
these photos. (He encloses
two ads that were recently
run in this paper). And then
they yell at men that they
don’t want to be taken for
sex-objects. Ha! Who are
they kidding? All women do
their damnedest to be sex
objects. It’s not men who
buy tiny bikinis, false eye-
lashes, high heels and low-
cat gowns. Why won't

Women enjoy macho men

QUESTION:
Fve been following the
recemt hardcore porn

raped - so what? Women do

Eve im all of us and that a
man asserting his malencss

STEWART:

And, I imagine there are a
few other men who have the
same opinion.

Pity, isn’t it?

Now that you have “rented |

a few of those films... to see
what the fuss is about”, and
have stated your opinion so
clearly, | would guess that
you will feel more free now,
not only to rent the films, but
to spread around what you
call ‘ta bit of male
machismo”. If, as you in-
directly suggest, all women
feel the way the women in
the films do, then I suppose

it logically follows that all

men - including you, go right
along with the way of life
that is demonstrated by the
men in the films.
WARNING TO ALL
WOMEN WITHIN REACH
OF NORTH VAN! If you
meet a man (my description
of him is sketchy) who has
recently written a_ letter

saying he thinks all women
want to be raped and beaten,
preferably by at least two
men at the same time, then
mount your camel - get gone
- make tracks. He wants to
give away a “bit of male
machismo” he says, coyly.
What he needs is a lot of
help. But not yours.

Now you know

The first telephone in a
private home was imstalled
on April 4, 1877, in
Somerville, Mass., in the
home of manufacturer

Charles Williams Jr.
Williams had to have a line
run to his office in Boston so
there would be some place
to call.

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women face up to the truth
of what they're doing?

STEWART: Let's face up to
the truth of what you are
doing. You are saying, “All

women do their damnedest

to be sex objects.” Would
you say, because you have
seen eight or ten women do
it, that “all women” eat liver
and onions? Can you face up
to the truth of what you are
doing and admit that you are

talking through your hat?
Whenever you start a
sentence with, “All women
are ...” or with “* men
are...”, you may be assured
that you are about to commit
yourself to an utterly un-
tenable position. Doing that
is far and away more
reprehensible than is_ the
curiously biased

exaggeration you are at-
tempting to Present as your
studied opinion. Want to try
again.?

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