C12 - Wednesday, December 10, 1980 - North Shore News Relate to people instead of groups. QUESTION: I am 16 and in grade 11 and have a question that fs on my mind. I know a lot of people and they know me. But in my school there is a certain group that is popular and hangs around with the grade 12s. One of the girls in this group who is very popular, befriended me and now we are very good friends. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the shy littl mouse who i homely and seeds pity, it's just that our paths crossed and we got to know each other. Anyway, this group she b with has slowly got to know me. They don't exactly accept new people quicidy, so sometimes I'm left out. My friend has her friends whom I would like to get to know. But some of them get scared off because I am so forward (so I've been told). I am getting rather tired and hurt by these reactions. Can't they un- derstand that I just want to get to know them? I'm really not a bad person. Actually, 1 think I am pretty darn nice! Should I stop being so forward, which would be totally opposite from my personality? Should I just shut up and be seen and not heard? Why can't they accept? Should I go back to being good friends with no one in particular? I had some good friends before but they got mad when I began hanging around with this new group. They won't have anything to do with someone who picks to be with them only in a last resort. I am really puzzled by this new kind of behaviour and ail these new kind of people. What do you think of this whole mess? STEW ART: It looks like you are going through a learning experience that will be valuable to you if you really pay attention to it. For example, you have learned that people don’t like it when you sort of throw them over for others and then, when it doesn’t work out too well, you come back to them “as a last resort”. When you make new friends, you don't have to walk away from your old friends as though they don't count any more. You ask, “Should I stop being so forward, which would be totaliy opposite from my personality?” You cah improve your per- sonality you know. You are not stuck with it for all your life. If being “forward” spoils things for you, pay attention to what you have learned. Keep the good parts of being “forward” and taper off from the parts of being “forward” that cost you self-respect and make you unhappy. Do yourself the favour of not having the sort of personality that costs you too much. It's good that you think you are “pretty darn nice”. But if this “pretty darn nice” person is performing in a way that turns other people off, pay attention to what's hap pening and ask yourself if that’s what you want. If it is — stick with it. If ut isn't, do some more growing up. It is very difficult’ to relate happily to “groups” and { aly ' i i 6338 Bay Street It’s “cliques”. concentrate on relating to PEOPLE and to give them better to your very best self. That’s all you have to offer — but it’s a lot. Avoid procrastination QUESTION: Here's an Mlustration of what I do that bothers me. Last week, I decided I wanted to see my doctor. So I phoned and couldn't get an appointment for 10 days. I got reaily worked up about this and phoned back and really put on a big act te get myself a quick appointment. After a jong hassle, they agreed to “work me in the next day”. I felt real good about standing up for myself and getting some action. O.K. so far. Then what? The next day, I didn’t bother keeping the appointment: That's what I'm always doing. When |! want something or want to do something, [’ve got to act RIGHT NOW, oo matter what. Then I cool off. Usually this gets me in wrong or bothers me in one way or another. Why am I like that and what can | do about it? STEWART: ®lten a person does this when he is a On the Waterfront in Horseshoe Bay Come down and discover our preat Selection of Christmas Gifts Moc asins Indian Sweaters decorations Pottery Jewelry Cards Handcratted Imported Canadian handmade gifts end much more in our warm and cozy atmosphere Be sure and stop in, there ts plenty of free parking behind the store. The Mall Bos and Company Store lecicphone 004/921-8109 postponer and a procrastinator. You probably put things off quite a while and then, bango! Suddenly you decide. In fact, you probably “decided” quite a while ago but did nothing about it. Are you a procrastinator? Your second question is “What can I do about it?” Practise doing things when you know it is time. Don't put them off ‘ul you feel like you've just GOT to do them right now. Act when you know. Don't wait ‘til you just have to do it. 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