C4-Wednesday, February 13, 1980 - North Shore News Divorcee fears the ‘same mistake again’ QUESTION: We got a divorce four years ago. Occasionally we see each other, mainly hecause of our son who fs with me. There is not the tiniest chance that either of us want to. get together again. It's really over. My hushand has a new lady and I have had a few pretty good relationships and am looking forward to a new marriage “some day”. But I am really scared. I'm scared of making the same mistake again and marrying a man I should not be with. As a result, I am sure that what I am doing is backing away from any friendship with a man that looks the least bit like it might amount to something more than a friendship. At the time, I hardly know I am doing ft, but when I look back I realize I never really gave it a chance. Isn't four years long enough to get over my fear of making the same mistake again? STEWART: e You are still afraid, so | guess four years has not been long enough. But you seem to be getting more ready. You're handling part of the procedure well, in that you have accepted your desire not to make the same “mistake” again. Now you may be ready to accept the risk of making a NEW mistake! I'm serious. If you refuse to risk in moving toward friendship and love, obviously you will be left empty-handed. Get used to trusting yourself more and more. You may need more help from friends or from a professional in getting the No more teen discrimination QUESTION: I am a teenager. lam very opposed to the idea of children (teenagers to be ex- act) being discriminated against. I feel that we should not be treated as second- class citizens and pushed out of the way or have people in stores hover over us while we are looking at something, because they think we might steal it. Now I know that many teenagers give the rest of us a bad name. I think a lot of kids could try to be more considerate of others § in public places. Can you sug- gest any ideas on how this situation could be helped? STEWART: Your idea of all of us be- ing “more considerate of others” is a good one. But how to infect everyone with that idea so that honesty and fair-play would become an epidemic? That’s the ques- tion. We are not apt to be “considerate of others” if we are not considerate of ourselves. Anyone who chooses the way of cheating and lying and stealing is not very con- sidcrate of THE SELP who is involved. That choice at the tips of your fingers Only $25 Reg. *35 Sale: Feb. 19-23 For more information or appointment phone 980-2625 HOURS. 125E 15thst Artistic Tlails Sculptured by Suzanne Suzanne ofters her expertise in permanent lashes, natural looking artistic nails, and manicures All of these equal beauty, sensuality and elegance The answer is Tues. & Wed. Thurs. & Fri. La ( vupe DeVille _ North Vancouver automatically produces person who is a cheat and a a liar and a thief. Moreover, that person KNOWS he is producing such a person in himself. And _ really, he doesn’t like to be that sort of person. He senses somehow that he is performing like a loser. Then pretty soon he begins to BELIEVE he is a loser. Then he feels “attach- ed” to the label he has chosen to put on himself. Even if no one knows he is cheating and lying and steal- ing, HE knows it and it doesn't give him anything like a high. So the place for all of us to start is in being considerate of ourselves. It’s a heavy thing to feel like you are a loser and to pretend day after day after day that you are NOT feeling that way. Being kind to _ ourselves makes sense. Choosing to live in a way that makes us feel like losers is a very mean thing to do to ourselves. ME FOR A CHECKUP. 9:30-6 9:30-9, Sat. 9-6 knack of recognizing and accepting more and more of your own worth. That will put in a position of being willing to take more risk in giving friendship and love and in receiving friendship and love. it ts far less risky to move in that direction than it is to remain too careful and too self-protective. Making so- called ‘‘mistakes” and learning from them are two of your very best allies. Be sure you don’t avoid them by hanging a sign on yourself reading, “CLOSED”. You may find this hard to believe, but I clearly remember making a tiny mistake once, when I was a little boy. And I’m still alive and growing! ask hayden stewart Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments for indt vidual, family or group counselling. His new office in the laternational Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the convenience of North Shore residents. ‘Erratic’ 16 year old QUESTION: Our son, who is 16, is behaving rather erratically, to say the least, and we are worried about it. What should we do? STEWART: At first, on reading your letter, I thought, they have not told me enough. But perhaps it’s just as well this way. As a starter, see if you have a pretty clear picture in your own minds as to how you think it should be with your son. Do you have a precise picture of how he “should” behave? If you have, see if you can move toward becoming free of any firm attachment you have to your idea of how it to be. Perhaps you are clinging to what you see as your fatherness and motherness so you can help him in his sonness. If you drop that, you might, rather, begin to see him as a young life who is living out a certain pattern right now. If you then aHow yourself to make loving “ought™ contact with the being behind the pattern, he will be better able to discover his loving contact with the being behind the pattern whenever he is ready to drop it. Will you think that through? 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