20 - Wednesday. September 29, 1999 — North Shore News THERE must be some recessive party pooper gene that has invaded my brain since I had children. Every time I attend a birthday party, I get this nag- ging feeling that something is wrong and I figure it has to be me. Everyone else seems to be having a great time putting on ever more extravagant partics for their children, so what’s my prob- lem? . [suppose the issue has become more exaggerated since my eldest became an adolescent. It’s not so much the extravagance of the par- ties as it is the eagerness of ‘some parents to want to let ‘their sed children grow up 1 jast ay t get the the point of a bunch of 1 year-olds dancing in a dak ~ basement, unsupervised, with the girls in tiny little skirts _ and halter tops and the boys ” in pants that ride half way down their rear end so their " underwear is four inches above the waistline. ” _ +, Recalling my own youth, Ii ‘can certainly relate to that kind of party as a 16-year- ‘old; but 11 arid 12? ‘Are there any parents out there 3 as fuddy-duddy as me _ - or am I really the only relic . of a bygone era of inno- . “cence?., o i I think making a child’s birthday a special time is a great idea, but it doesn’t have to include half the world doing something out- rageously expensive and it doesn’t mean that pre-teens need to get adult-style activi- tics. Parents should feel no compuision to keep up with the Jones’ birthday bashes by looking for continuously big- ger ideas and parents who feel a little uncomfortable -with the premature boy/girl mushy stuff, should feel free to say no to their children’s invitations to such activities. Personally, I prefer a birthday celebration that focuses on the simplicity of spending time doing what the child likes to do with parents who often don’t have enough time to do it. Nothing makes children feel more special than to have a ~ day focus on their desires, : Not everyone else’s schedule. For the pre-teen, I like small gatherings, say one or two friends for a sleepover, north shore news ¢ PARENTAL GUIDANCE where the kids can have a late night, a litle privacy to chat and some good old pil- low fights at two in the morning. The last thing my owelve year old needs is the social risks associated with being a cool dancer or having, to go steady with one particular girl who may need his atten- ton for no other reason than tc wield it as a weapon against some other poor girl who may want nothing more than to be a friend to him. So there it is, I’m an out- of-the-closet party pooper and I feel a fot better for having said so. I’m not buy- ing into the onc-up-manship event planning for birth- days and I’m going to keep my naive adolescent as naive as I can for as long as I can. Instead, Pil focus on doing my best to make each of my children feel special every day so that I don’t get so racked with guilt that I have to do something I'd rather not in order to appease them. T read once that it’s not always popular to do what’s right, but it’s also not neces- sarily right to do what's pop- ular. In matters of party proto- col, I try to keep that in mind. Graham Hookey is the * author of Parenting Is A Team Sport. EST WELL _ MATTRESS EVENT Exclusive model, - available only at The Salvation Army Thrift Stores. “Sale prices = apy to. mattress and base sets only! “Vane always — “Save a bundle! PP a ne EA Ta aT tam Se eS adh I OR a ale a SE a a RT OE Just ducky FROM left: Melissa Luther, Laura Chalmers and Gillian Shepherd of Cleveland © elemantary’s volleyball team enjoy one of 24 balis donated by North Van Rotary Club and Rucanor to four North Van scheols fro Paul W. Lermiite Contributing Writer IF you’re separated or divorced, you already know what a tough challenge managing money with your chil- dren can be. Your ex-spouse may have a totally different way of dealing with money. In fact, your: incompatibility about money may have contributed to the break-up of your marriage. Teaching kids your values about money may seem next to impossible if they are learn- For: childre under! ine . your kids’ ing the complete opposite in their other houschold. Your kids may become . confused if they live part time in another household with your ex-spouse. They may start to manipulate you, play- ing you off against the other parent. Your instinct may be to fight fire with fire. Dele out treats, expensive holidays an and lavish to compete with your former partner or buy ctions.° On the other hand, separa- tion or divorce need not spell the end to your child’s money . management program although it makes it harder to .accomplish. You must set out A Posi Secondary * for your children or grandchildren * 20% added by Federal govt to your contriouiion . phone: Rudi Winter a 7 for appointment no chatge or obigation 1459 Bellevue West vancouver ; 926 2327 tere eae er oe Oe bere Lee et ne eee ht ete te tet iet oh We ee met ee ee ee ees rm pee of the duck piece . an approach t to + Handling . Money and stick to it. can oo then help your child identify and compare the ca ses money management styles the two households.” : : This must be done in a: non-judgmental way. = . You should forge aunited - front with your ex-spouse and never compete, Stic the financial man- aeiaion arrangement you have set out with your child and don’t give in. ‘Work with your child to clearly identify the differences in how the two ‘households handle money. : :» Set ‘out an allowance con: , expenses. Work > mer partner to develop a | © gram thar supports your ideas j «and also embraces eirs. Stick to your principles ‘and vali y By setting a a good example; to your