QUESTION: Why is it that so many waitresses these days have name tags on their uniforms? My guess is that it's so the customers will call them Flo or Maria or whatever, instead of “Hey you!” or “Excuse me” or some such attention-getter. lc seems like a very sensible idea to mé. But what does my wife think about it? She hates it. She says I am too personal when I call the waitress by the name she's got plastered on her in plain view. The waitress put the tag on, it wasn't my idea. Should I look right at her All those name tags very obvious tag that says her name is Mary and then call her “Miss” er “Mam”? Do you like the name-tag idea or do you go along with my wife? STEWART: I have con- ducted a_ thoroughgoing survey before replying to you. | interviewed a broad cross section of waitresses (two of them to be exact) and they both said that having name-tags has lowered the number of times they get called “Honey” or “Dear” and they like that. They also said it lets them feel more like persons and less like “menials” (their word). So one husband and two waitresses like the idea. Now, if the one wife we are talking about has not been trained by her husband to see him as a silly flirt, perhaps she'll see some advantages in the use of names instead of status- clinchers or endearments. Have you been flirting her into resentment? Norma and I know (and enjoy) a waitress that always calls both of us “dear!” Perhaps we should wear name-tags. ls ‘old morality’ right? QUESTION: There’ s a thing 1] want to do and I don't want to do, both at once. It's a thing | feel wrong about. But what I do is argue myself into believing that Fm old- fashioned, or inhibited. About feeling wrong about it, I just tell myself that’s just your conditioning and a part of the old morality you were brought up on. | tell myself it's a new age I'm living in and | shiouldn’t bow down before the old standards of my parents. But I still feel it's wrong for me. Do you think I'm just inhibited and too darned stuffy for my own good? Or do you think it is really right for me to play the game by the old rules?’ STEWART: Your letter is rather vague and general. It leaves me _ confused. However, perhaps I could give a generl vague answer. Generally speaking (he said, vaguely) .it's pretty good sense to treat with suspicion any “logic” you bring into play for the purpose of convincing yourself that your inward feeling is not worth heeding. If you feel something is “wrong” for you, it is quite likely that all your logic will still leave you feeling guilty. We are not too knowledgeable about what conscience is, but we do know it is mighty powerful. If you want to feel lousy and depressed, go against your inner voice and side with your home-made arguments. But if you want to feel more sure of yourself, listen to your inner voice. Then, as you become more sure of yourself and better able to trust yourself, you will be in a position to examine your old standards with a view to ascertaining their validity or lack of it. It’s over-simplification on my part to lay this on you, but I want to suggest that for TODAY you would be wise to listen to your “feelings,” because there are some things that you KNOW you know. As long as you “know” them, go with them. They probably will never let you down. The more you get used to going along with what you deeply “know” within yourself, the more freedom your inner self will have to “CUSTOM” QUESTION: I guess you could say J have a religious leaning, but man _ alive, sometimes religious professionals get awfully close to curing me of my interest! The other day a “man of the cloth” paid a visit to a friend of mine who is all alone and hardly able to make ends meet financially, and not very well and rather frightened about what tomorrow will bring. Guess what he told her. He told her that she has everything she needs! All he succeeded in doing was make her feel guilty about her worries. What sort of numbskull is it who would do that to a helpless worried dear old lady? give you more mature messages. So, keep listening and saying “yes”, and your inhibitions will be handled in some good way just at th- right time. C13-Sunday News, August 10, 1980 STEWART: He’s probably the sort of numbskull whose heart is in the right place, but who has not learned to hear what the other person is telling him. At this stage in her life, your friend may be in greater need of YOUR Joseph needs a home Joseph suffers from Down's Syndromeand a learning disability. He may or may not be retarded and we won't know until hearing problems are clarified. Joseph requires con- stant supervision, he responds to affection - in a lovable manner and is trainable. Special maintenance rates and other services are already available. Please contact Al Beighton at 926-0114 8:30-4:30 p.m. Monday to Fri- day. Ministry of Human Resources #204- 1544 Marine Dr., West Vancouver. ask hayden stewart forget Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 forappotntments for individual, family or group counselling. His new office in the International Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the convenience of North Shore residents Everything she needs interest in her than she is in the professional's interest. Perhaps YOU have what she needs, and who knows, perhaps she will see it better in you than she would have if the professional turned up. had not IF YOU HAVE AFRIEND WITH AWEIGHT PROBLEM, ‘GIVE HER THIS AD. It could be the kindest thing you've ever done for her You see, we're the Weight Loss Clinic. 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