HAVING spent much of my adult life life talking to parents about their children, I have come to the conclusion that despite the differences we share in parenting styles and philosophies, virtually ail parents have the same goal for their chifdren. All parents want their chil- dren to be successful, to achieve that illusory goal of reaching their potential. As simple as that goal might seem, it creates multiple problems. The parents’ defini- tion of success might be differ- ent than the child’s. Alternatively, che parents’ view of the child’s potential might be well in excess, or well below, what the child is actually capable of doing. In either case, there exists plenty of opportunity for con- flict over what success will mean for each child. It becomes doubly troublesome when the parental view of suc- cess is shared by one sibling but not another. Sibling com- parisons are a minefield of emotional angst. Let me suggest that per- Fresh, Local Super Sweet — ‘SNAP TOP RO ERTIES OTE EY BC RIT haps the role of parents should not be to set a specific detini- tion of success as much as it is to teach the qualities that bring success, both through their own role-modelling and through helping a child set their own goals. To do this, we need to agree on what it takes to be successful at whar- ever goal seems relevant at the time. There’s plenty of sup- port for these qualities and lots of self-help literature for adults and children to read, but here are the basics. First, you must set a goal and be determined to meet that goal. Whether it is achiev- ing an A in schoo! or doing a new move on a skateboard, success requires a clear vision of where you want to go. Second, you have to be results oriented. The vast majority of the world is com- prised of people with wonder- ful ideas and no follow- through — dreamers and day- dreamers. Achievers dream and then do. You want to get an A, you study. You want to learn a new skateboard move, you practise an hour or nwo a day. It’s 90 per cent perspira- tion and 10 per cent inspira- tion! Third, achievers take full responsibility for their success. They do not look for prob- lems or excuses, they look for solutions. They do not blame others for their failures, they learn from their mistakes. They do not wait for miracles to happen, they push them- selves every day to work towards their goal. Fourth, achievers learn how to utilize the resources sweet New Crop Extra Large - FUJI APPLES ‘Prices effective November 29th - December 3rd, 2000, while quantities last. ANY. MORE IN-STORE SPECIALS sibility around them. They enthuse others to participate, often teaching the tess motivated to have a winning attitude. They are able to gather the talents” of others to enthusiastically support their own talents. What coach doesn’t love a player who is willing to work hard day-in and day-out? There is a huge industry of personal development in the country, which, in various for- mats and under various moti- vational themes, teaches these principies to adults. Amazingly, many of those who hear it seem to be hearing it for the first time and some become so energized by the message that they run out, - achieve extraordinary success in the next few years, and become walking advertise- ments for whatever course - they took. Perhaps as parents, we can give our children a jump-start on the personal development courses. Perhaps instead of defining success for our chil- kids’ stuff WEDNESDAYS Drop-in Toddlers Sto For ages 2-3 at the North Van City Library. Wedr: and Fridays (Dec. 1, 6, 8, 13, 15, 20, 22, 27, 29) at 16 a.m. or 11 a.m. For more information, please call 998-3480. Drop-in Storytime Fun: For children aged 3-5 years ai at the dren, we can work harder on helping them see that they can set their own goals, take action on those goals, assume respon- sibility for the challenges they face, and gather resources around them. Each time we do this, and they respond with a better understanding that their success is in their hands, and not ours, we give them confidence and competence in taking on the next goal. As a parent, I have no pre- conceived notion of what my children will end up doing with their lives. However, I sincerely hope that when the time comes that a real passion for something arises in them, and they decide it is important to pursue it, they will be strong enough, independent enough, and determined enough to take responsibility for achieving it. It is when they - believe they are successful that, I will rest contented! — Graham Hookey is the author of Parenting Is A Team Sport. . West Van Memorial Library. Wednesdays, at 10:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m. and Fridays, at 10:30° a.m. Stories, songs,.. action. rhymes and more. «Info: 925- 7408. ; Junior Stamp Club: For 7-12 year olds. Wednesday, Dec. 13, 3:30 p.m., North Van City ; Library. Pre- register: 980- 4424. : Birthday Parties | from only°S per p person | Including 3 games of Lasertag and then 1 hour in . our Party Room with a pan size Pizza each & pop. - Call now for more infol i talaaleatenabentertocberteaietente I’ $ go oames of Lasertag pont 8 par person with this compon 5 Not valid with other promotions, Expires Dec. 31/00 be ae ee ed I. st 16th ‘Street, North: ICBC HAS A TEAM OF LAWYERS SHOULDN'T YOU? - All claims have time limits Ei Documents you sign can -be used against you... Taylor & Blair BARRISTERS & SOLICITORS*: - 102-145 West 15th St. North Van 983-4311 Graham Taylor mw Lars Kaario LAUDATE. www.taylorandbiair.com ] FREE CONSULTATION:”.:. 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