18 - Sunday, January 13, 1991 - North Shore News If you could have raised them difierently, would you? DO YOU sometimes wish you could have the chance to bring your children up all over again? Oh, not in the light of toa, ‘« manners and mores, perish for- fend, but in the revelatory light of your own life experience and theirs, and bravely assessing the equipment you gave them for the fray? You know, now, what they could have been, had you had the courage. Our references were all so nar- row when we were growing up, so timid, so conventional. We were not only terrified of our own sex- uality, we were terrified of everyone else’s as well. The authority that was vested in the schoo! principal, our particular minister, our Sunday School teacher, our non-trifling parents, was very rea! and really respected. Until the Second World War, the world for most of us was bounded by the perimeters of the place we grew up in, and by the limitations of those very authorities paramount to our lives. It was a big step to thrust one’s self into another milieu amongst Strangers. In true fact, few of us got any sort of broadening until we did marry, taking on what we considered a lifetime commitment to share another’s views and expe- rience. So when our children came, we were still in that small space with few resources and negligible per- sonal history to pass on to them. Therefore we must teach them the safe route, we thought. Bur many of our strictures were prompted by fear, not by regard for the child’s potential. Keep out of trouble, number one, and that’s easier to do if you don’t get in too deep. We were frightened to condone taking a chance. And a lot of what we taught them was to enhance our own profiles as parents, not to extend and inspire the horizons of the child. We wanted him or her to reflect our breeding and good parenting. We longed for things to be nice for them, so best to be as much like other people’s ways as possible, not to draw attention, not to raise eyebrows. My own bizarre upbringing was acase in point. When I was three, my mother and father separated, he heading for California with the eldest son, she into the state of Washington to procure a divorce, the other three children in tow. Why did they take these steps? I have never known. We didn’t question our parents when we were chiidren, it wasn't our place. The schism made instant freaks out of all three of us kids, because only Turks and movie stars shed mates in 1920 and had families whose names didn’t raatch. But no one felt any need in those days to explain a cataclysm to children. And as the crust of ensuing years accumulated, it would have caused our mother real pain to dig back to those steps. Sleeping dogs lay restlessly on our hearth for years and years. My mother was a iovely woman at the Municipal Hall. For more infor 7-10. CAPILANO THE CORPORATION OF THE ” DISTRICT OF NORTH VANCOUVER | Advance tax payments of 1991 property taxes can be made up to 4:30 p.m. January 31st, 1991 in the tax office Interest will be paid on pre-payments from the date payment is received until July 2nd, 1991 at 2% below the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce prime rate which, on January 7th, 1991, was 12%%. mation telephone the tax office at 987-7131. Write at Night! Evening Communications classes are great places to improve vour writing skills — and maybe even make money! Spaces are still available in the following courses: CMNS 150 Basic Communications Grammar, spelling, punctuation and essay structure. Tuesday nights, 6:30 - 9:30. CMNS 152 Report Writing Business reports, memorandums and letters. Wednesday nights, 6:30 - 9:30. CMNS 190 Magazine Article Writing Write feature articles and sell them to paying publications. Wednesday nights, CMNS 280 Marketing Commercial Fiction How to make your short story or novel presentable to publishers. Tuesdays, 7 - 10. All courses run mid-January to mid-April. For more information, call Crawford Kilian, Communications Department, 986-1911, local 2585. COLLEGE 2055 Purcell Way « North Vancouver ¢ B.C. Eleanor Godley who somehow radiated an aura of welcoming forgiveness. One felt her presence like a refuge. But she was about as fiscally responsible as my left foot, having married at 18 and having never done paid work beyond keeping house and packing apples. And so within two or three years she remarried. A_ strong man, I’m sure that’s how she thought of him. And, give him his due, he was, he had to be, to take on a ready-made family, It wasn’t enough for him to be strong, though, he had to be seen to be strong. He was a Yorkshireman, who boasted the Yorkshire tenet: ‘‘A word and a blow, and the blow first.’’ He set about bringing us into line, as he called it. He dominated every fac- et of our lives; he chose our clothing, our diet, the shape of our leisure time, our chores and Buiid on your civilian career while you earn extra money working part-time in the Militia, Canada’s army reserve. Live this uniquely exciting experience. Work with interesting people on selected evenings and weekends. Enjoy varied opportunities for summer empleyment and travel. Join the Reserve now! For more information, contact: Vancouver Militia Recruiting Office 4050 - 4th Avenue West Vancouver, British Columbia V6R1P6 9 666-4193 Canad THE VINTAGE YEARS the standards of our behavior, in- cluding how we pronounced our supplications. Careful English pronunciation was one of his festishes, which worked nicely into his strong bias against what he called ‘‘Amur- ricans’’ and anything that hap- pened in ‘‘Amurrica.”” Their entire way of life was target of his scorn, but most especially he was impatient, no, inflamed, by their manner of speech, which he considered slop- py to a degree, and by their table manners. It was extremely important to him that we, the children under his command, eschew all the creeping corruptions of ‘‘Whad- dayas’’ and ‘‘Gimmes’’ and “twadder’”” and ‘‘gonna.”” Twenty years of cuffs, shouts, growls and useless tears finally produced from me what he grudgingly conceded was acceptable speech. So what happens when | visit the United States? 1 am greeted when I speak by blank siares and puzzled cries of ‘‘Wha’d she say?”’ While he was busy shaping this pseudo-Yorkshire child, she was suffering from almost daily bilious attacks, dandruff half-an-inch thick, and a penchant for picking up every germ thar survived the bitter winters. He left me alone when I was ill, you see. He couldn’t then insist on perfect grades, perfect fingering of a vio- lin sonata, perfect posture, perfect representation of his perfect job of bringing me up perfectly. And what did I learn from all that? Only that my own child, when I had one, had to be perfect. Mark, full-time student and part-time corporal in the Militia. FORCES’ - REGULAR AND RESERVE WHAT’S ON — SENIORS MONDAY Jan. 14--Ongoing. N.S. Neighbour- hood House. Keep Well free drop-in program for adults over 50 yrs. Exer- cise, relaxation, counselling 10:30 a.m.-2 p.m. Waiking Club meets at 9 a.m. Hands-on program at 10:30 a.m. Hot lunch at 12 p.m. Info: 987-8138. ees San. $4--Seniors’ birthday party. N.S. Neighbourhood House, 225 E. 2nd. 2-3 p.m. Singalong and refreshments. Info: 987-8138. TUESDAY Jan. 15-~-Music lectures for srs. 1! a.m. at Van. Academy of Music. Con- tinues as long as interest. Mr. Goldberg of Van. Academy co-ord. Info: 987-0670. eee Jan. 15~Ongoing. N.S. Caregivers Support Soc. Weekly support for peo- ple caring for ill or aging relative. Meets every Tucs. 1:15-3:15 p.m, at N. Lonsdale United Church. Info: 983- 2141. a WEDNESDAY Jan. 16-Ongoing every Wed.in Jan. Seniors bingo, 1-3 p.m. at N.S. Neighbourhood House, 225 E. 2nd, N.V. New caller, higher stakes - refreshments. Info: 987-8138. een Jan. 16--Seniors’ cultural trip to UBC Museum of Anthropology, 1-4 p.m. Meet at N.Shore Neighbourhood House, 225 E.2nd. Transportation fee $3.75, entrance fee not included. Info: 987-8138. eae Jan. 16-Ongoing: Silver arbour Centre. N.S. Keep Well. Free drop-in program for adults over $5. Exercise, massage, relaxation, counselling. 9:30 a.m.-roon. Hot lunch 12 p.m. Walk- ing Club meets at 9:30 a.m. Hands-On program at 10:30 a.m. Guest speaker today: Mary Segal. Topic: Listening to Seniors. Info: 980-2474. eee Jan. 16--Ongoing. N.S. Neighbour- hood House. Srs. Bingo. 1{-3 p.m. Refreshments. Info: 987-8138. «od.