THERE IS nothing too trendy for our politicians, and that’s why Vancouver will have a new name in 1990 — Sodom-by-the-Sea. For it is then that the International Doug Collins @ get this straight ® Gay Games will be held in Stanley Park. One might say, of course, that the Gay Games have been in progress for some time. Which is why Sodom-By-The-Sea has the highest AIDS rate in the country. But there should be a fresh spurt, so to say, when another 10,000 homos hit the town. All playing games. What a party’ instance, that a major factor in a lot of Grade 12 students being il- literate is that English classes are too large. Rubbish and twaddle, pro- fessor! We are aware that the education trade cries the blues daily about the teacher-pupil ratio, but do try to be accurate about such things. T "can tell the professor why So many kids ar are - letter-ignorant, Basic English has been replaced with ‘let’s-all-be-friendly’ Id? 710 ‘drudgery. Mayor Gordon Campbell didn’t even raise an eyebrow over this doubtful advertisement for his city. No, he has announced that the strange strangers will be welcome, Come one, come all. “} want to wish you the best in your efforts and I’m sure you'll be successful ...,”” he burbled like a true Yuppie. Anything for a vote. Pretty soon he’ll be putting the official seal of appr ~al on a Gay Pride Week, just like Mike Harcourt. I could suggest some other at- tractions for Vancouver. How about a Wife-Beaters’ Games? How about a Pedophiles’ Ped- dle-Away? Or a Harassed Hit Men’s Con- vention and a Forgers’ Jam- boree? The possibilities are endless. “ee Sometimes I suspect that uni- versity presidents need to go to school. University of Victoria president Howard Petch said, for English. There must be I learned basic grammar in an elementary school that had 50 pupils, Where i came from, all the elementary school classes had 50 pupils. That’s where I learned, too, that either goes with or, and nei- ther with nor, a rule .hat now seems to be beyond a lot of peo- ple who write for newspapers. I can tell the professor why so many kids are letter-ignorant. Basic English has been replaced with ‘‘let’s-all-be-friendly’’ English. There must be no ‘*drudgery.”’ Not only that, but having been to university to learn voodoo education principles, many teachers are themselves illiterate. T once heard a teacher say ‘‘ir- regardless. ’’ | have even heard a university. student say “I don’t got.” It is Howard Petches themselves who are responsible for much of the mess. Didn’t they introduce an idiocy called ‘‘look-say?’’ isn’t it the tule that there shall be no rules? Does anyone leave school in these enlightened times knowing the difference between a verb and a noun? But what else do we expect when society is gripped by rot, when anything goes (even the performance of fellatio behind a teacher's desk) and when Van- couver can welcome the Gay Games? We need sergeant-major teach- ers like Old Daddy Parsons, who put the likes of me through the grammar hoop in no uncertain way. . If he hadn't left us to teach English in heaven, | would in- troduce him to professor Petch, who might thereby learn a thing or two, ~* * Vancouver may welcome the Gay Games, but it can still give a blind man a ticket for jay-walk-- ing. In court, the man was repre- sented by a deaf-mute lawyer. But the proceedings were put on hold because the accused man had an epileptic fit. And now the police commission or some other philanthropic body in the city is casting the ticket into the slush basket. Pat Burns asked whether the cop who caught this offender had also ticketed the guy’s dog. ~~ ie In describing the woes of the Capilano Tory Party on Sunday, I quoted constituency board member Andrew Danyliu as say- ing that the Meech Lake agree- ment and the proposed free-trade deal had given members’ morale a bit of a lift. Mr. Danyliu asks me to point out that what he ac- tually said was ‘‘quite a lift.’ Which is done herewith. R QUICK OIL CHANGE CENTRE 9 - ~ Friday, October 30, 1987 ~ North Shore News ANNOUNCEMENT WATSON DAUPHINEE & MASUCH Chartered Accountants Wish to announce the relocation of their North Shore office #202-657 Marine Drive, West Vancouver, BC. V7T 1A4 = 926-3522 We look forward to continuing to offer our profes- sional services to commercial and private residents of the North Shore who desire personal attention from their accounting professionals. put your waste on a diet RECYCLE . the elegant patio cover| fei ly, . : patio roofs} We also build § sundecls - Suite burns A MALFUNCTIONING electric baseboard heater resulted in a fire which damaged an apartment in West Vancouver Wednesday afternoon. West Vancouver District Fire Department firefighters- responded to a fire at 2216 Folkestone Way just after 4:30 p.m. The suite was unoccupied at the time. Fire and extensive smoke dam- age was contained to the living room. A neighbor reported the fire. 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